I logged on to FB this morning and my mother had posted this pic.
My Mum is either NPD or BPD (not diagnosed) and left my Dad when we just entering our teens after having a long term affair. She moved several hours away, and was simply not that interested in being a mother. I remember school holidays when Dad would insist we had to see Mum (we didn't want to) and it would be all organised and at the last minute she'd call and say she couldn't have us because she was going away with a friend etc.
As anyone who has a mother with these issues would understand, it is has not been an easy road, and she refuses to have any psychological help. When I saw this today, it made my blood boil. Not only did Dad never stop us from seeing our mother - it was THIRTY years ago!!! Why put something like this up on FB? What is she trying to prove? Does she want attention? Sympathy? She is the one that moved hours away - surely if she wanted to be in her daughter's lives she could have stayed in the same town after separating.
I know I probably should just ignore it - but I'm so tempted to comment and ask why she would put something like that up on her page. I guess I'm spoiling for a fight right now, lol, so I think ignore is probably best!!! What do you think?
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15-05-2015 08:32 #1
WWYD? - Mother's FB Post
15-05-2015 08:52 #2
Ignore it. I have a similar relationship with my dad. He has mental health issues but I don't really know what exactly, but he refuses help. Instead he always plays the victim and I can't stand it. What I've learnt is there is no point bringing up anything or trying to fix it. It's pointless, stressful and he just ends up upsetting me.
Try and let it go. Perhaps block her from your news feed so you don't need to see her rants. I get where you're coming from.
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15-05-2015 09:04 #3
Sounds like she's deluding herself. Definitely turn the other cheek hun x
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15-05-2015 09:37 #4
I would ignore it. It's pointless trying to reason with people like that. I know you're probably feeling very frustrated and possibly quite angry but responding in any way won't help at all. I've been there. It's tough. They're too so self consumed that they can't see the reality of the situation and therefore any effort to address conflict is futile. Hugs to you.
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15-05-2015 09:54 #5
Ignoring it is probably best but i cant say id be able too
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15-05-2015 10:01 #6
I wouldn't bother. IME people do this sort of stuff a) for attention b) as a PA dig as someone c) to reinforce something they've done or said as being right. With these sort of personality disorders there is often a complete absence of ownership of their decisions. Everything is everyone else's fault and the key thing is that they genuinely believe it. Your mother is the victim in her eyes. And the meme was her reinforcing that to herself along with probably a bit of A and B too. Don't feed into it bc it's not going to change. Trying to challenge her Victim Mentality will only reinforce it in her eyes.
15-05-2015 10:05 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Ignore it. My dad tags me in posts about having an awesome dad....reality is he wasn't much of a dad at all 😣
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15-05-2015 10:27 #8
Thanks so much to everyone who has replied - your support and understanding has made me feel so much better, and I'm not tempted to comment back now :-)
You are all so right and really valid points. She is forever the victim, no matter that her choices lead to certain outcomes, the world is always against her and its someone else's fault that things go wrong. She is definitely deluding herself as this is SO not what happened when we were kids, but it suits her better to be the one who was hard done by - not the one who left, wanted nothing to do with her kids because she was too busy partying, smoking pot, traveling and generally "living her life" child free.
You're right @delirium there is a complete absence of ownership in a lot that she does, and it is pointless to argue, as it does reinforce that the world is against her.
I'll just take some deep breaths and let it go. As everyone says, there is no point starting something over it - but geez I want to!
15-05-2015 10:43 #9
Yeap ignore it, commenting will just open up for more frustrating feelings for you. You can't "win" this one
Hugs, I understand how difficult and frustrating this must be for you xx
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15-05-2015 10:46 #10
I would google a terrible mother meme, or make a status update about absent mothers, and post it to my wall, but have it so only my mother could see it! Give her some of her own medicine.
Nah, i probably wouldn't, but I would want to.
good on you for taking the moral high ground. xx
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