Where to start??😃
Firstly maybe ask your FS if the 3-4% chance is for a positive pregnancy test or for live birth rate because the two are usually very different.
I had never considered DE but after 3 cycles that went from bad to worse and a friend who was willing to donate I moved my own goal post, I really thought DE would be the answer so when that failed I said no more that's it, I'm done. But my donor wants to go again and so does DP, so I moved my goal post again!!!!
The crappy thing about it is only you (and DH) can make that decision, and the scary thing is that there is never really closure. That's the part I struggle with, will I always be sad! Will I always feel sad/uneasy around pregnant people and babies? It's an awful thing to think i'll always have this ache in my heart.
When my DE cycle failed I feel into a massive hole and finally reached out for some professional help, I recommend you do the same as I wished I had sooner, we focus completely on our physical self for IVF but neglect our mental health.
Everyone has different reasons and limits for their end point I think so although friends might think they are helping with their suggestions you might just have to be blunt from now on and say you don't wish to discuss it anymore.
The DE route I battle with as well, but I'm from a "broken home" and have absolutely zero connection with my biological father, from other people's stories your feelings are completely normal, they all say that the baby always felt like theirs, the DE counsellor at your clinic may be able to help you with how your feeling.
Hope my long post helped a little bit
Hope your doing okay
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18-02-2016 10:46 #21
The Following User Says Thank You to MissDa For This Useful Post:
19-02-2016 07:55 #22
Hi ladies. I've been very quiet on this thread for a long time although I have been following and reading your posts. For a while I just couldn't reply cos I felt like I was on the verge of falling back into not coping mode. I had been struggling with the end of TTC and acceptance for so long so when my sis fell pregnant naturally I really needed to find some coping strategies. I saw a lady who practices hypnotherapy & NLP. She was amazing help. She taught me self-hypnosis and gave me a voice recording to use for this. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed I take half an hour to do the session and incredibly I feel much better. It has really helped me so I can truly enjoy my baby nephew now.
As for knowing when it's time, everyone is different. For me, I suffered my 3rd mc after my 10th cycle and just couldn't do it anymore. The obs I saw for mc suggested one more cycle with more supporting drugs but I had a bfn so that was it. That was nearly 4 yrs ago now. I still have moments of yearning. Then I have times when I can't imagine having the energy for a baby. I know a part of me feels like I don't have a real purpose now. Our social life suffered a lot cos our friends all have littlies and the last thing we want to do is watch them running around after kids when we're catching up.
We all have our own journeys and no one else has the right to cast judgment so you need to do what's best for you. In the long run it's your forever not theirs.
Sorry this has been a bit of a post about me but I hope something I've said can help a little bit. Xx
01-05-2016 15:08 #23
Hello everyone. I'm not sure if anyone is on this thread anymore but I'm hoping that sending a message will bring someone back. I've just reached the end of my ivf journey and I don't think at this stage that I'll be able to go down the de route. I'm hoping I can find a way to heal, find purpose in my life and stay away from the severe sadness. I'm wondering how other people coped in the early stages of childlessness not by choice xo
02-05-2016 07:54 #24
I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't wish it upon anyone. You'll probably be told to "find another focus", or "just relax and forget about it and it will probably happen when you least expect it", or many other things people say when they've never been faced with this (you probably have already 😕).
The truth is that this hurt and loss will be with you for a long time. Just when you think you're there, something will happen to bring it all back again. I'm so sorry but I don't want to be another person trying to sugar coat it for you. One of the FNs I had was unable to have children and she told me it will always be in the back of her mind and heart - I have often thought about her.
Having said this, there are definitely ways to cope and everyone's different so you need to find your own way to heal. For me it was self-hypnosis. I found an amazing lady who does hypnosis therapy and she taught me techniques to do self-hypnosis. Now whenever I feel overwhelmed I can listen to her recording and do a session in my own space and time. It's amazing how much this has helped me. I'm now about 4 yrs past my last Ivf cycle and I can honestly say I'm ok. There are still some times I feel that mourning but less and less intense.
When we decided to stop, we promised that we'd have a great holiday (probably overseas) every year instead - and we have. I've also gone through 2 career changes in this time, which I couldn't have done with a young family. I guess we just focused on the positive opportunities. It'll never make up for the love of a child but that was out of our control.
Sorry if I've sounded like a downer but I believe you get enough of the pleasantries from those who don't understand and I know that doesn't really help. If I can be of any further help please let me know. My thoughts are with you - sending hugs your way xx
03-05-2016 20:57 #25
Thank you for your message. Not many people know about my journey and people just don't seem to ask. I guess they assume I don't want kids or can't have them anyway. I guess the loss gets easier over time like all grief however it will be a sadness that won't disappear completely. Everyday I'm reminded I am the only childless individual in my family and even my partner has children to another woman. I hope I can heal like you have and try to focus on some positives at some stage. Thank you again X
The Following User Says Thank You to Caesardust For This Useful Post:
16-08-2016 21:35 #26Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
14 years... Adopted child... Numerous ivfs failures...
In the last year I thought I finally learnt how to cope, focused on good things - I am lucky with what I have and so much grateful... But...
another period and I am shuttered again. Cant say I was hoping for anything - stopped believing in wonders so long ago... Sometimes I would prefer doctors said we didnt have any chances at all... This hope raising from the ashes just is too unbearable. Sometimes looking forward to menopause, really...
Sorry for pessimism. It feels so lonely, seems everyone who wants - gets a baby sooner or later...
I will be fine as always, just needed to share with someone who understand. Thank you for this.
homeopathy and psychotherapy did help to cope at one stage... Need to renew, I reckon.
The Following User Says Thank You to Viola For This Useful Post:
27-08-2016 10:23 #27Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2016
Hard to make the decision
Im 43 and we have been trying for 8 years ivf and all failures, I know it is time to move on but it is so hard to do. My sister is lucky has 4 kids. Why cant I? My mother is so sad for me. Just not meant to be. Im tired of the hormones and the disappointment, physically and mentally. Or am i just giving up - all too hard. I feel like a failure pure snd simple. This is one thing i should be able to do. It is really good to hear how others are handling this time of life. I am sorry there are so many of us out there.
28-08-2016 15:18 #28
Secondly there is no shame in wanting to walk away from IVF, we all have to have an end point, a time when our body and mind says enough is enough.
You're not a failure, Our measure of success in life is not solely based on if we reproduce.
Do what is right for you and hold your head up high knowing you did everything YOU could. X
27-09-2016 20:07 #29Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2016
Notice this tread is back in 2015, has anything changed for anyone? Childless now at 41, married and trying for last 18 years in some sad way it's comforting to read how people cope with this issue.
27-09-2016 22:20 #30
I'm 33 and been married for 9.5 years.. three miscarriages, still no rainbow.. starting to think my luck will never change..!
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