My 3 year old niece started daycare 2 days a week this year from 9.30-5pm , ( so it's been 4 months) she is very attached to her mum and my SIL is worried as she is still crying uncontrollably at drop offs, to the point where the carers have to pry her off her mother kicking and screaming , what is the "average" time it takes for them to feel comfortable enough to not be so distressed ? She's thinking of taking her out as it has made her even more clingy or should she just keep persisting ( the carers say after about 5 - 10 mins she's fine )
my DS was the opposite and I cried the first day of pre school and he consoled me so I'm not sure what's "normal" and when it becomes a problem?
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14-05-2015 06:57 #1
Still crying at daycare drop offs
14-05-2015 07:11 #2
Well I think it's harder when they get older but my DS started with three days and it took him about 8 or 9 weeks. He still has his moments now.
To me I'd be more concerned about how she settles after that. Is she miserable all day or does she settle? How soon? Does she seem to be happy and playing when she's collected? Does she talk positively about child care at other times?
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14-05-2015 08:51 #3
I think starting them later would mean they'd take longer to get used to it. My DD is 3 but has been in full time daycare since 15 months. She basically took a few weeks to settle in and not cry at every drop off. She still occasionally has an off day and cries, but it's more from something that happened while getting in the car, not because she's sad about daycare. She now loves daycare and even asks to go there on the weekends. She's genuinely disappointed when I tell her "No daycare today, it's Saturday". Lol.
They're all so different though. Whilst DD is always happy to go there, there are other kids her age who still cling to their parents at drop off, despite having been there a long time.
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14-05-2015 11:13 #4
Took my nephew 3 years to stop crying hysterically at drop offs!
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14-05-2015 12:21 #5
Is this her first time in care? If so, that will make a huge difference. It still varies from child to child, and we found that our boys had no problems, but our DD still is a little clingy at times.
Best not to linger or draw out the process or it will be more traumatic for the child. Try and get them settled into an activity, say goodbye and always talk positively about care and the day ahead. Children are very perceptive of our feelings and expressions. If they still cling, pass them to a worker, give them a kiss and leave. I've never been in a centre where children have continued to cry past a few minutes and it's only when they see their parent at the end of the day that they may start up again.
I would persist if your SIL is happy with the centre and how they take care of her DD. Hopefully it won't take too long.
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14-05-2015 12:34 #6
My DD started going at 11 months....cried for first few weeks then it stopped but since about 22 months she cries most days! They also have to pry her off my husband.
My mum said I cried every day she dropped me at kindy and school until I was in year 3!!! So I'm not surprised about my DD. I was very attached to my mum and my dd is very attached to me and my husband. I'm not taking her out as she calms down and is fine after 1-5 mins
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14-05-2015 13:23 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Still crying at daycare drop offs
My DD has been going since she was 6 months old, but changed centres at the start of this year. She is 3, and goes 2 days a week. She still has a cry each time I drop her off- often a carer has to take her off me, but she has a great time there and yesterday she told me off for coming to pick her up too early! If DH drops her off she doesn't cry at all.
If she seems otherwise happy there I wouldn't be too concerned about some crying at drop off.
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14-05-2015 13:38 #8
Thanks guys - yep it's her first time in any care and she does settle down after ten minutes, if you ask her if she likes it she says no and when you say why she says cause she wants to go to work with mummy!
14-05-2015 13:40 #9Senior Member
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- Aug 2013
I personally wouldn't take her out if she is happy for the remainder of the day and your SIL is happy with the centre. I think she just needs more time and lots of positive reinforcement. I've had similar problems with my 4 year old and these are the things that help the most:
Talk about it with her and first ask what she is getting upset about to see if she can put it into words. Then work on labelling her feelings. "I know it's sad saying goodbye, mummy is sad too, but I have to go to work for xyz. I look forward to seeing you as soon as I finsish. "I will miss you too. Everyone misses their families when they are away from them. Lets do something extra fun when I come back to get you" and have some one-on-one time to re-connect when back at home. I find I need to show empathy, rather than brushing off her feelings, and then I start with the positive talk. So "I know its upsetting when I leave" Give her a hug and a minute to show I care about her feelings, and THEN work on the positive, happy vibes. "You're gonna have so much fun, and do lots of things you love like xx"
Tell her she is safe, and we have specially chosen this child care as we know they will look after you and you'll have lots of fun.
Does she have an assigned carer? My DD needs to know which carer will look after her for the day and it makes her happier (more secure I'm assuming). I tell my DD "X will be looking after you today" and I hand her over to that carer.
Sometimes I need to stay for 5 minutes to get DD settled into an activity. Takes her mind off me leaving and even though she still gets sad and knows I'm going, its not the ONLY thing she's thinking about.
And at DD's childcare they sung a little line "Grown ups always come back" which I would remind her of when I was leaving.
Hope that helps (your SIL)! It's really tough, and I still have moments with my 4 year old.
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14-05-2015 19:12 #10
Still crying at daycare drop offs
My son started daycare at 10 months and went 4-5 days a week. Only at 3.5 did he stop crying at drop off. It was a learned behaviour and nothing I did could stop it. He just literally one day stopped and said goodbye. I was gob smacked. To say its hard is an understatement but I know he has a good day and I only ever judge his day by pick up not drop off.
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