With MY DH and HIS siblings/parents - I couldn't fathom being 'furious'. I'd just wonder why he'd not feel he could tell me. Him and his brother recently bought FIL a zero turn lawn mower and he called me when they were on the way home with it, so it was already purchased (about $5k each). I was not fazed at all, FIL does a LOT for us and it was the least we could do in return.
However, if he'd gave away a large sum to a sibling to p!ssed it against the wall time and time again, yeah I'd start to get annoyed if he did it more than once.
Side note - I lent my brother $300 recently to fix his car. He's paying me back but I didn't think to tell DH about it. I think that is different.
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11-05-2015 11:56 #21
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11-05-2015 12:53 #22
That's a lot of money and a decision that needs to be made by both of you.
You are pregnant for goodness sake!!! He should be smarter than that, especially since he was conned the first time!!
I would be SEETHING if my SO did that. Not only that, but it sounds super sus. Sending money to a charity overseas? Something smells fishy.
And him controlling what you are allowed to spend when it comes to things you need while he throws money around willy nilly? I'm sorry, but this guy is a massive douche bag and you deserve better.
11-05-2015 13:07 #23
If it was a few hundred dollars - I'd be mildly upset that he didn't talk to me about it plus I'd be worried because we really live month to month right now and that would ruin our budget.
10 000 pounds?? I would be speechless and have no idea how I'd react other than that I'd be devastated. I think the real red flags to me are that his family encourages him to hide things from you and it speaks to a lack of respect for you from his family. And that he gets upset if you buy things that you need and criticises you for spending too much money. Utterly hypocritical and worries me that there are serious imbalances in your relationship.
This is only a snapshot of your lives, of course, but it does seem that he is encouraged to do whatever he likes and hide it from you, whilst you need to 'tow the line'.
Do you have family and friends who you can talk to?
11-05-2015 13:21 #24
11-05-2015 14:06 #25Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
Yes I would be angry. We don't have his and her money, we have 'our' money. So out of courtesy to each other, we always discuss large purchases. We don't always agree, but we are happy to compromise and we don't often say 'no' to each other. $2,000 is a lot of money to spend without discussing. I would feel disrespected that he essentially hid it from you. 'His' money or not.
11-05-2015 15:07 #26
We have shared money and then our 'pocket money' which can be spent how ever we like. If he spent his own money it wouldn't bother me, if he used the joint then I would be fuming.
11-05-2015 19:45 #27Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Dh giving money away without telling me.
I'm not sure what to say, my head is spinning. I just feel he's hiding things from me lately. He's ignoring me, gives more love & attention to the dogs. He can't even hug me. I'm stressed & feel really lonely. He's under a lot of stress too. Recently had a failed surgery & going for surgery again tomorrow.
Last edited by Babyisbored; 12-05-2015 at 06:10.
12-05-2015 12:23 #28
im sorry , but it seems you have many things to be concerned about. I hope his surgery is going to be ok. You should be equal partners with every thing in your marriage. your parents or his parents shouldn't not be interfering, and keeping secrets about money or anything, is not a good way to be living your life. if he is paying more attention to his dogs, and ignoring you, that is a very bad sign of more problems. im sorry. marie.
12-05-2015 16:00 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2015
Big hugs! I don't think he is being fair to you at all. If he had that much to give away, he could at least use some of it for things you need like maternity clothes.
I'd be really upset is my partner lied to me.
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