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  1. #1
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    Default Dh giving money away without telling me.

    So DH & I were discussing about giving homeless people money & wether it's the right thing to etc. Out of the blue he said, there's something I did, but I'm not sure if I should tell you. You might get upset. He said he gave some charity to someone overseas. I said ok, how much? He gave them 10,000pounds which converted into our money is roughly $2000. I worked out that it was for his cousin. So his mum knew about it & I'm not sure who else. Because he had to transfer the money through her account. I got upset, not for the money but the fact he didn't tell me. He said he couldn't because my parents were over at the time & he shouldn't tell me anyway because it was a charitable donation & it was from his savings. Then he got angry at me because I said I felt his family & him keep secrets from me especially his mum.
    Do I have a right to be upset?
    And sorry if doesn't make sense or has bad grammar, I'm writing this thread at 3:27am!

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    Yes you have a right to be upset, he should have at least discussed the donation with you first!

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    I agree. Even out of his savings he should have discussed it with you.

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    I would be beyond angry. I see this as a major deal cracker if not breaker. It would take a lot of time and effort on his part to regain my trust.

    He has broken your trust if he can't see that than it a huge sign to his character and how he plans to treat you through out your relationship.

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    $10,000 pounds is about 30k Australian! Are you in Australia? That's mega.

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    Yes I would be upset. Husbands and wives should talk about these things.

    Where are you that 10000 pounds converts to $2000?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    $10,000 pounds is about 30k Australian! Are you in Australia? That's mega.
    This is what I was thinking.

    Either way I would be really annoyed.

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    Default Dh giving money away without telling me.

    You have a right to feel however it makes you feel.

    To me, though, and this is always how we were in our marriage, it actually wouldn't bother me. If it was his savings and he was still able to meet our financial commitments, I would feel far better about that than him blowing it on alcohol and car parts or something.

    But I believe in a certain level of financial autonomy, and I have certainly never asked permission of a partner to spend money that I have earned. Nor would I. And nor do I/have I/would I ever 'report' my spending.

    Where I disagree with your husband though is his response to you. If you are upset then he needs to listen to you and understand why instead of dismissing your feelings. Does he do that often, OP?

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    Thanks for replying guys.The money went to Egypt. I'm Anglo & his Egyptian.
    Yeah he's done similar things in the past. His family encourage it. One time his brother (from Holland) scammed him out of $20,000Aus. I knew from the beginning he was been conned. He told his family he couldn't lend the money because I was upset about it. He's sister said he shouldn't have told me about it & just have gone ahead. Which he did. Then found out he was conned big time. Anyway this time I didn't speak to him for two days. I'm not sure what's wrong with him. I'm 37 weeks & he's been treating me like crap. After he got conned by his brother he didn't talk to his family for two years & I hate to say it, but it was the best two years of our relationship.

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    Default Dh giving money away without telling me.

    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    You have a right to feel however it makes you feel.

    To me, though, and this is always how we were in our marriage, it actually wouldn't bother me. If it was his savings and he was still able to meet our financial commitments, I would feel far better about that than him blowing it on alcohol and car parts or something.

    But I believe in a certain level of financial autonomy, and I have certainly never asked permission of a partner to spend money that I have earned. Nor would I. And nor do I/have I/would I ever 'report' my spending.

    Where I disagree with your husband though is his response to you. If you are upset then he needs to listen to you and understand why instead of dismissing your feelings. Does he do that often, OP?
    I don't really want him to feel he needs permission & he has spent his money in the past on stupid software (told me after he purchased it) that I got annoyed with but told him it's his fault if it doesn't work etc. I'm more annoyed that his family like to encourage him to do things behind my back, especially his mum. She was the one making a big drama about his brother in Holland. I don't want his family in Egypt to take advantage of us thinking we are rich.
    We have been on a tight budget with the baby, nearly everything is second hand. I hardly have any maternity clothes, got a few things from the op shop because my jeans were giving me agony & he kept telling me don't buy too much. He also complains we don't have much money & we are spending too much.


 

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