In the last two years I have had around 7 chemical pregnancies. Around 10 if you count the ones before my DS. I got a bfp yesterday only for it to be neg today...so guessing this is another one. We have just started with fertility treatment...doc thinks progesterone issues and/or my autoimmune disease are causing these losses.
I am taking this one harder than the others. I am just so tired of having hope...only for it to be snatched away. I feel like I can't complain because it isn't like I had weeks of having the Bub, seeing heartbeats on scans, only to experience loss. I don't have to experience d and c's or anything like that. I feel like I really shouldn't complain.
I will start with medications/injections next cycle. This was my last shot at doing it "naturally". I spent five months in hospital last year...I am under the care of four different hospitals as an outpatient. I was really hoping to avoid yet more medical intervention... And I am nervous about how the treatments will affect my medical conditions.
I feel so alone. When I try to talk to people about it I don't feel they understand. It wasn't a "real" pregnancy...they say maybe I am just reading tests wrong or getting false positives etc. I am told that I should be happy that it happened now and not later (which I am...we nearly lost my Ds several times before 13 weeks and I know thatvwould have been far more heartbreaking). But I just feel like I am being silly for being sad.
I also feel like I can't be happy when I get a bfp. I never know how long it will last. Because we nearly lost Ds I am scared I will have a later miscarriage.
Not sure what the point of this post is...just sad and feeling like I shouldn't be. And usually i do move on fairly quickly. I guess I am tired of this...and after all the medical issues I have had, and how hard I have fought to get my health back on track...I just want my body to work.
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04-05-2015 15:12 #1
Struggling emotionally with recurrent chemical pregnancies
Last edited by Patience86; 04-05-2015 at 19:29.
04-05-2015 20:16 #2
Bumping for you and huge hugs, hopefully one of the other ladies are more knowledgeable than me xx
04-05-2015 20:28 #3
Big hugs. Any loss is hard and multiple really affects you.
I had immune issues and we went with injections to stop my body from rejecting the pregnancy. My pregnancies all finished at varying stages, but it seemed to get more efficient at it as it went.
I highly recommend treatment. It's all worth it in the end. Hope you get your rainbow soon. Sometimes treatments take a little tweaking.
04-05-2015 20:31 #4
@Patience86 sending massive hugs ur way, not really sure if I have much advice to give but I can share your heart ache after years of ttc and now doing Ivf we have had three chemical pregnancies since March last year and 1miscarriage at 7weeks that was the first cycle taking prednisolone which is to treat high ANA and nk cells.
I can completely relate to ppl not understanding I have become distant with friends because I no longer tell ppl we are pregnant, I find having a group of ladies on a forum much more supportive because ppl who have suffered something similar that truly understand, has anyone suggested using steroids to treat ur auto immune issues while ttc . Praying you get it sticky bub soon xxx
04-05-2015 20:33 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
Heya @Patience86 I've been following your TTC diary, and I felt the pain of your last BFN through the screen. It felt awful read it, I can't imagine what it felt like to live it. Extra big hugs. Plus I'm sending you lots of baby dust. I'll keep everything crossed for you when you start your fertility treatment.
04-05-2015 20:58 #6
I don't have much advice hun, just couldn't read & run!
I have had 2 missed miscarriages at 6 weeks, and my DS in between them. I understand the fear - I was hesitant to become too attached to DS until he was safely in my arms, because I was so afraid of losing him, we had a few scares with him. I also understand the feeling of being cheated that you can't rejoice at getting a BFP, like all of those lucky mums out there who haven't experienced loss. Each BFP brings fear, and dread, and hope - hope has almost become a 'four letter word', because it's easier to deal with bad news if you're not coming crashing down from the false highs of hope. But hope is also what keeps us going and propels us forwards, so we mustn't lose it!
I read a quote today that really hit home - "you don't always have to be grateful that it isn't worse". There will always be someone out there who has it worse, but that doesn't make your pain or your experiences any less to you. You are allowed to greive the loss of those potential babies and futures, you are allowed to feel sad. Don't lessen your experiences just because other people don't understand them or know someone who's worse off.
Be kind to yourself hun. Great big hugs & sticky baby dust to you xo
05-05-2015 09:52 #7
Firstly thank you all for your replies…your words and kindness mean a lot. It is such a relief to find people that do understand. Though I am so sorry to hear of all the angel babies
@littleTed I'm sorry to hear about the struggle you have had. Did you take Clexane injections? That is one of the treatments my doctor suggested. Thank you for your words and encouragement.
@miissalina again I'm sorry to hear about all the losses you have had. Unfortunately steroids - and prednisolone in particular - cause me to have severe steroid psychosis and aren't an option for me. I'm glad that you have found comfort on the forum..I hope you get your sticky hub soon.
@Frankenmum thank you for the quote. It has really helped me today. Truly. It is what I needed to hear I think. I often feel guilty for feeling upset about things that happen to me, and tell myself that I should just be glad it isn't worse. But you are right, I am allowed to feel sad over what has happened.
I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I too had very little attachment to my DS while pregnant. I constantly thought I was going to lose him, to this day I'm surprised I didn't. Thank you for your support and understanding, and I wish you all the best.
Thank you all again for your kindness. xx
05-05-2015 12:42 #8
Sending more hugs! Take care of yourself hun xo
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