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  1. #51
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    Get another Dr. It's really your best option. If we're all getting the wrong impression and he's actually a great guy, then cease the dr/patient relationship immediately and see what happens.

    I actually think it's pretty common for women to develop a 'crush' on their OB, in various forms. It makes sense if you consider the intimate nature of their job and the intensely personal nature of pregnancy & birth.

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  3. #52
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    I'm with delerium. Change Drs, he won't even know unless you mention it, and it he ever asks just say as you were friendly outside of dr/patient you felt odd talking to him about your girlie bits.

    If after two years from your last appointment you still want a relationship go ahead.

  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm putting myself in your place and if I got involved with my dr deep down I would be thinking if he was happy to cross clear moral and ethical guidelines to date me, what other morals would he break?
    I agree. OP you are saying that he was coming on to you when you had a newborn and your marriage had only just fallen apart. What the h3ll kind of person does that??

    I think you should get another doctor. Don't bother telling him, he doesn't need to know.

  5. #54
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    You don't owe him an explanation if you want to change doctors. You are essentially a customer and customers can change service providers fora number of reasons.

    Go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a new specialist. You don't have to ask the current specialist for it.

    As for dealing with him in relation to the charity you volunteer for, perhaps you need to stop that contact for now? Can someone else see him, or can you find a different doctor to liaise with?

    I agree with pp...I wouldn't be entering into a relationship with someone who is ok with breeching their professional conduct. Also I would be wondering if he's started a relationship with one patient, what's to stop him doing it again (or perhaps he has done it prior to you)?

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  7. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel14 View Post
    I didn't say I can't discuss my medical issues, I said I find it difficult. It's a bit awkward talking about your sex life, and the issues with it, with someone you have feelings with.

    The reason I guess I feel the need to tell him is cause we have contact and cross paths outside of dr-patient stuff.

    And I'm not looking for Drs to date. If I was I'd become a nurse or something.
    I get why you feel the need to tell him a reason for finding another Dr. You have an ongoing issue that he knows needs to be treated, and if you don't go back to him he'll be concerned about you not getting the treatment you need, and as you'll see him again outside of the Dr-Patient setting, you can't just 'dissappear'.

    I think the best thing to do if you want to keep working with him on the charity is to find another Dr. Then tell him that you don't mean to offend him and you've appreciated his services & support, but that given that you now work together on this charity you feel like you have a more personal connection with him and it makes you feel uncomfortable having him as your Dr - that you'd prefer to keep those things separate.
    I would not disclose your romantuc feelings for him. Like a pp said, if the connection is still there after the correct timefeame has passed, you can then see if he's interested in a romantic relationship. But I'd still be analysing his behavior for signs of moral weakness...

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  9. #56
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    I'm would get a new doctor but at the end of the day you only live once and if things developed in the future then pursue it then. I doubt he would ask why you changed.

    I wouldn't bring up feelings just yet though. I would end the dr patient relationship for a while before heading down the road.

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  11. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Hang on...

    If the doctor either pursues or acts on anything, he is equally responsible for what happens to his reputation and career. It's not all on the OP. And it sounds as though he has not much regard for either judging by his actions so far.

    OP, I have changed doctors and specialists many times in my life. It has never once crossed my mind that they would wonder why, and even if they did wonder why I would expect them not to pursue answers to that question as I believe it would be highly unprofessional to do so. It certainly wouldn't have any impact whatsoever on my decision.

    The reason there are these ethical guidelines is because there is an imbalance of power in a doctor/patient relationship (much like a teacher/student relationship).

    Yes. I think you should switch doctors for your own wellbeing. No, I don't think you should tell him why. He has no right to ask. What good could come from telling him?
    Further to this, the way he has been talking to you, I think he would already have a clear idea of why you changed doctors...

  12. #58
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    Default Attracted to my Doctor

    OP, I know you said you're ok after splitting from bubs dad but I'm worried. The decisions you have made before and after the split (including with regards to your doctor) indicate that not everything is ok.

    You fell pregnant with your 4th child 4? Months after having a massive argument with your husband because he didn't want a 4th child (he even threatened divorce - I think your third was only 9-10months old at the time) . Many hubbers at the time advised you to tread very carefully. You had needed IVF in the past - perhaps bub nr 4 was a whoopsie baby? (Not saying unwanted - all babies are awesome!)

    It must be very stressful having 4 kids (including a 10 month old bub). And doing it all alone. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that would be. Could you be trying to fill a void when your bubs get out of the newborn stage at around 9-10 months? I really hope you are still seeing your psychologist - if you are please tell them everything about what is going on. They can offer you professional unbiased advice. You don't appear to have taken the advice of hubbers on board in the past but I really hope you are able to this time - Please look after yourself and your little family. Best of luck xx
    Last edited by VicPark; 01-05-2015 at 06:49.

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  14. #59
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    You've asked for advice, you've received it. Sorry, but what more are you looking for? It appears as though you are wanting someone to justify your actions.

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  16. #60
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    I haven't read all of the other posts but some of them I have I totally agree with. I do not blame you OP you have been prayed on by a predator. That's what this man is a predator using his position to benefit him. Dr and patient should not be casually meeting up in the first place that's your first red flag.

    I won't go into it but I know a lot about emotional intelligence and behavioural psychology and this is a classic sign of abuseing power of authority. He has been grooming you like a paedophile would groom a child… It is actually making me feel physically ill you are defending him which is what most victims do. You are a victim. He does not have your best interests at heart. You need to report this man.

    Put it this way if you were your daughter would you be happy about this situation. I always use my own children as a gauge and if I would be furious at this with my own children then I wouldn't put myself in the situation either. People like this pick people who are easily influenced.

    Ultimately you are a grown woman and you can think for yourself and I or anyone else can't stop you but this is wrong. As a single mother my self I see it in my absolute power to avoid people like this because my children are precious. I would not have a human being like this around my children. And if you say it hasn't got that far what do you want or expect? If you date he will eventually have to be in your children's life. I have a fierce fierce mumma bear instinct and I am getting NO GO Zone here. In fact akan like this would never try me because he knows I'd tear him to shreds if anything happened.

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