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  1. #101
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    Default Attracted to my Doctor

    Quote Originally Posted by Alicia111 View Post
    Obviously... But it was a very bad analogy
    In what way?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel14 View Post
    Just not sure if I have the confidence to tell him in person or sms.
    I am not trying to be argumentative here- I really hope you believe that. What you are planning on doing has the potential to turn someone's life upside down. If you wanted to minimise potential damage and do the doctor a favour then tell him via SMS. That way if you are wrong (have misinterpreted his interest) and/or he just decides not to proceed with a relationship .... AND there are still claims made against him, he can use your text to prove to whoever is investigating him that you were the pursuer.

  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I am not trying to be argumentative here- I really hope you believe that. What you are planning on doing has the potential to turn someone's life upside down. If you wanted to minimise potential damage and do the doctor a favour then tell him via SMS. That way if you are wrong (have misinterpreted his interest) and/or he just decides not to proceed with a relationship .... AND there are still claims made against him, he can use your text to prove to whoever is investigating him that you were the pursuer.
    I completely get what you've been putting out there this whole thread. I truly do.

    But I think the last part is really unfair. Let's assume for a second that the doctor's actions are exactly as the OP is perceiving - the meaning and the intention and the implication is all there. I think you'd have to agree that the 'pursuit' started well before OP telling him, and by a person in a position that commands respect, authority and power?

    Whether OP tells him face to face or by SMS, he alone carries responsibility for how he responds to this. If she has misinterpreted, then there is no issue, unless he proceeds to take advantage of this knowledge by enacting something physical just because he can (HIM breaching HIS ethics); if she hasn't misinterpreted, and he chooses to act, HE is still making that choice, and has already breached his ethical obligations long ago. He is an agent in his destiny as well.

    Having said that, I have already expressed that I wouldn't be confessing my feelings. I worry about what is going to happen next. And I do agree with VP that if you must say anything then SMS will give you both space for rationality and reason rather than passion and impulsivity.

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  5. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In what way?
    A Doctor is someone who is in a position of authority with a kind of power and respect in the community, a married man is not.

    I can not see how it can be compared. If a relationship did occur that ruined his career it is not going to leave a wife and children broken hearted. Completely different in my opinion.

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    Default Attracted to my Doctor

    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    @VicPark, this situation isn't about men and women though.

    It's about Doctors and patients. In ethical terms that can be translated into 'powerful person and less powerful person'.

    Ethically, the onus is on the person who is in the position of greater power to act more responsibly...or not to abuse their power. Like it or not, that's how professional ethics work.

    Does this have to be a gender issue? (or a 'women's' issue) Maybe other responses in this thread aren't motivated by a kinship of women but an analysis of the issue?
    I agree the doctor has a position of responsibility and if he has been encouraging something with the OP then he shoulders most of the blame. That doesn't mean the OP can do whatever though without sharing some of the responsibility.

    The OP is in a period of calm at the moment. A make or break position. She has the ability at this point to either walk away... Or go after something that most have advised will likely end in disaster. OP has been in a similar position before - had a massive fight with her husband as she wanted a fourth kid and he didn't. He threatened divorce. Hubbers advised her to tread carefully. Not long after she fell pregant. It didn't end well (yes other factors were also involved). I'm not saying this to be nasty I'm just really worried - the OP has demonstrated a trend of rash impulsive judgements at times like this that haven't ended well. And this particular conundrum happening so soon after the premature birth of a child (is it really healthy to be seeking a full blown dangerous affair when you have a 10 month old child and have only recently split from your husband?) makes me think perhaps OP needs extra professional support. The OP has responsibilities - 4 kids - she can't continue act in a way that will likely bring herself stress and heartache.

    I don't think it's a gender issue at all. I don't care if someone is a make or female - that isn't the issue. That they are acting with integrity and a way that isn't likely to end in disaster is the issue.
    Last edited by VicPark; 04-05-2015 at 05:14.

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    Default Attracted to my Doctor

    Quote Originally Posted by Alicia111 View Post
    A Doctor is someone who is in a position of authority with a kind of power and respect in the community, a married man is not.

    I can not see how it can be compared. If a relationship did occur that ruined his career it is not going to leave a wife and children broken hearted. Completely different in my opinion.
    Not everything in an analogy needs to be taken literally. The analogy was only meant to highlight that the mistress, like the OP, isn't totally innocent and holds some responsibility for things going pear shaped.

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    As a doctor myself, it was made very clear to us in Medical School that it is simply not on to hit on/sleep with/start a relationship with, a patient.

    It is unethical. End of lesson.

    As a side note, it is completely fine to hit on/sleep with/start a relationship with, another doctor or member of the nursing staff!! And this happens all the time! My first boyfriend was another doctor in ED, and my second boyfriend was a nurse.

    Luckily I saw sense and married a man outside of the medical profession



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    OP i have been following on with this thread since it started.

    After reading everything you have posted I have to agree with all the pp. End the doctor patient relationship immediately. Whether or not you tell him the reason why is up to you but I honestly think nothing good will come of pursuing anything with him. Even if you wait the required time to start anything you will never have complete and utter trust in him or your relationship because of how this potential relationship has come forth.

    I wish you all the best and hope that you yourself will be happy with your choice.

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  14. #109
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    I am seeing him this week, and will ask to be referred on to see a different dr and will see how things go. If I still feel like I am not mis-reading things, then I will sms him afterwards and let him know what my feelings are.

    As for my previous relationship, I haven't made any rash decisions, exDh and I were having issues relating to having a 4th child and when I posted that stuff a few years back it was after a particularly bad fight over it. I then found out that he had been cheating on me, and was thinking that he wanted to end things hence why he didn't want any more children. After I found out about the affair, and the possibility of us divorcing made him realise that he didn't want that after all (for me it's had the opposite reaction, but took me a while to come to this conclusion). I then accidentally fell pregnant, even though I had implanon in, and at the time we decided to continue with the pregnancy, as it's super hard to for me to get pregnant and stay pregnant. In the past I've had to have fertility treatments and I've had 7m/c's so the fact that I managed to fall pregnant with the Implant in and stay pregnant was a bit of a miracle.

    So thank you for the concern, but I would hardly say that it was a rash decision or that I have a history of making bad choices.

    Thanks Ladies for the advice, and I have taken it on board and given it a lot of thought. For those of you who are interested, I will update later on this week about how everything has gone.

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    eek - I would avoid an sms, or any "trail" for that matter. If you can't do it verbally face to face, then I would perhaps just do it over the phone at another time, or just simply cancel any further appts you make after this upcoming one, and simply ask the receptionist to transfer your file when you find another Dr. Just ask your GP for a referral to another Dr. Then you are no longer a patient of his. IF he does have feelings it leaves the ball in his court to contact you thereafter. But clears you of any wrong doing so to speak. And you can sleep at night

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