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  1. #1
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    Default Alone and no one to talk to

    I don't even know where to start. It's such a complex web of a story. Tonight I've been left alone, again. While my dp goes out with mates drinking and fishing. All his spare time is spent with his friends, the kids and I are never a priority unless it is an event that he *has* to attend. Or at least that's what it looks like. Sometimes I feel like I'm going a bit insane and maybe things aren't as bad as they feel so I try to talk to him about it and say that I feel like I never get to see him and we never has one in one time or family time. He invariably responds with, I try to spend time with you but you're always to tired. What he means is he comes home and wants sex but I'm asleep or to tired to engage. I'm 24 weeks pregnant, still nursing our 10 month old and I look after my 3 year old step son ft plus my 7 year old. I want to spend time together. I'd like him to pick up the reigns a bit when I need him. I fell I'll with the flu and had to beg him to watch the kids until bedtime so I could get some rest and then still I was the only one to get up to the baby in the middle of the night. I'm emotionally and physically drained but I feel like such a failure. He always comments on the state if the house, which I admit is verging on hovel status. I feel little inclination to bother when no one seems to care about me. When I bought up with him tonight my concerns his response was to 'get used to not seeing him because he's going to have to get a second job to pay for this new baby'. That cut me so deep. I just feel like I'm a burden, like I'm only around to cook and clean and be there for him when he wants. And I know he earns the money and he works hard at a job he hates for crap pay and he picks up work on weekends when he can find it. And it makes me feel so incredibly ungrateful that I even feel upset. But I just wish he'd spend time, proper time with me. He sat down on the couch this evening and said 'I'll watch this with you for 10 mins then I'm going to bed'. I had to choke back tears. It felt like such a token gesture. He came in to give me a hug goodnight as because I've been sick he's been sleeping in the spare room. I just don't even want him to touch me. Just leave me alone. Sorry for the rant. I literally have no one to vent to about this. I don't get out to make friends.

  2. #2
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    No advice hun, just sending hugs your way x

  3. #3
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    You poor thing xxx

    Are you both under financial stress? Could this be making hubby be a bit if a cranky pants? Is hubby a bit young?

    With regards to help with the kids learn to tell your hubby how it is going to be, don't ask him.

    Xx

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    Hugs! I don't know what to say, I'm sorry, but I didn't want to just read and run.... So I'll just give you some extra *hugs*

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  6. #6
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    Oh babe I can feel your sadness through my phone!
    Do you know, one of the best things DH and I did was some relationship counselling about our expectations and more importantly how to communicate efficiently and meaningfully with each other. I swear that being able to communicate properly has kept us above water through the most testing times.
    Relationships Australia might be the place to start - it doesn't have to be this big scary thing, just a bit of a helping hand to help you both be happy.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to misskittyfantastico For This Useful Post:

    Happymum2  (11-04-2015),PomPoms  (11-04-2015),SuperGranny  (13-04-2015)

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  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You poor thing xxx

    Are you both under financial stress? Could this be making hubby be a bit if a cranky pants? Is hubby a bit young?

    With regards to help with the kids learn to tell your hubby how it is going to be, don't ask him.

    Xx
    Yes we have enormous debts and are really struggling. Which is why I feel like such a ***** for being sad. I know he deserves some time to himself as he works hard and I don't work. I feel he resents me, I know he thinks I do nothing and he doesn't appreciate my job at home with the kids. He says things like 'you go to work and I'll stay home with the kids' but he has no patience with them- I just know he would struggle to be a ft parent. I don't tell him that, though.

    He is young in maturity, yes. But he's 12 years my senior which makes the whole dynamic off.

    I like to ask for help with the kids as if I'm more direct he can get a bit stroppy, like a bit if child sighing, like, oh I have to help you out of obligation blah blah. And I have no idea how else to put it!

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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Do you know, one of the best things DH and I did was some relationship counselling about our expectations and more importantly how to communicate efficiently and meaningfully with each other. I swear that being able to communicate properly has kept us above water through the most testing times.
    Relationships Australia might be the place to start - it doesn't have to be this big scary thing, just a bit of a helping hand to help you both be happy.
    Thanks! I dragged him kicking and screaming to one session. One session where he was so unhelpful but in a really passive way. I'm sure you know how the sessions go but I was asked my perspective and then he was asked his and he basically said, oh sometimes I'm a bit unhappy but mostly I'm happy in this relationship. Like nothing was wrong and it's just me that's unhappy. It made me feel like such a drama queen.. I wasn't surprised when he refused to go back and I was so embarrassed by how he acted that I honestly didn't mind. Thing is he wasn't completely belligerent but the councillor did point out to him it was obvious he doesn't like talking about his feelings.

    Honestly, like beating my head against a brick wall.

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    Thanks for everyone's encouragement x


 

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