There was a thread a few months ago with a few of us accepting and supporting that our babies were shizz sleepers, meant to be light-hearted, and an 'SOSer' (I won't point fingers 😉) did pop in and say that they felt the attitude of the thread was dangerous. That we would cause sleep deprived women not to seek help for their horrible sleepers and then get PND. 😳
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06-04-2015 21:09 #91
Save Our Sleep
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-04-2015 at 21:28.
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06-04-2015 21:13 #92
New parents are inundated with 'advice', 99% of it is useless, unpractical, dangerous, wrong or just not inline with how you want to parent. The best advice I ever got when I had my first baby was to just get to know your baby. You will know your baby like you have never known a person before and then you will be able to best respond to their needs. Remember, they have been cuddled for 9 months in your warm womb, fed on demand and rocked to sleep as you move around. That's what they know, that is what they are expecting. If you want to rock, sush or pat your baby to sleep then do so, if you want to feed your baby to sleep (remembering breastmilk contains properties that help babies sleep) then do so or anything else that helps you to meet your baby's needs.
06-04-2015 21:14 #93
I find it strange that dummies are a no-no with SOS but a cloth comfort toy is ok. Personally I'd much prefer an easily replaceable dummy to a specific toy that bub has become attached to - what happens if it's lost?? I would also expect kids to hold on to a comfort toy longer than they'd hold on to a dummy, wouldn't reliance on such a thing be considered a bad sleep association in SOS?
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06-04-2015 21:19 #94
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06-04-2015 21:25 #95
Absolutely you will be fine!!
I read exactly nothing on parenting before DS was due (only read birth books). I think it was great personally as I was not clouded by other people's expectations on what I or bub should or shouldn't be doing.
I read Pinky McKay when DS was about 4/5 months because other people were shaking my confidence a bit (well-intentioned but it was unwanted/unneeded advice). I loved it as it reinforced that I was doing a good job with my son and other people could go to hell
06-04-2015 21:31 #96
Plus you can make a comforter smell like a parent to also give comfort whereas you can't make a dummy smell like a parent.
06-04-2015 23:47 #97
Save Our Sleep
@heplusme I think it's great that you are doing reading if it helps you feel prepared. However I just want to second pp's advice not to try to pigeonhole yourself before bubba arrives. I was sure I was a scheduling, no comfort feeding type of girl and then dd came and that approach suddenly, instinctively felt very wrong for us. I think it's fabulous to have a plan but be prepared to throw the plan away if it turns out not to be the right one for you and your bub after all.
Last edited by BettyV; 06-04-2015 at 23:50.
07-04-2015 00:21 #98
So read the book and tried to implement the routine.
It made everything worse. Stressed me out because bub wouldn't follow what was described in the book. The troubleshooting section wasn't any help either.
I ditched it after a week. Bub was still a catnaper and I was a very stressed mum by then, feeling like a failure.
Went back to my more laid back follow your baby cues mummy style. After a few weeks bub grew out of his catnapping and started to consolidate his naps on his own.
I'm pregnant with #2 and won't even consider such a strict routine. IME it was a waste of time and energy.
I know some bubs strive on it but I believe it's pure luck (ie the book happens to describe the routine this bub would have established on his own anyway).
07-04-2015 00:52 #99
@heplusme after reading your added comments Id thought I add this :
While I never followed SOS except for that one week, my baby was sleeping through from 4mo. That's from 7pm to 7am.
Following my own unique baby clues took me there without much drama. He learned to self settle and I followed what I believe are common sense "rules" (for instance no sleep associations).
I read somewhere that bubs brain can not physically learn or get into a routine before 3mo so I wouldn't stress too much about bad habits in the first couple of months. Just do what works.
Also when your partner leaves for 6months, your baby will be 1yo and trust me, 1yo is a great age! Not a baby anymore, more so a toddler, and a lot easier to care for.
My DH left for a month after DS turned 1 and it was a great month. I was working FT and still had plenty of me time over the wkd with DS having two naps each day.
07-04-2015 07:08 #100Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2013
Disclaimer: I haven't read SOS
But I wanted to respond to the OP original post. I think it's great you're trying to equip yourself with information for when bub arrives. I'm a organised person who needs sleep :-) and read a lot of info when pregnant. I decided I was going to be an "instinctive" mum who would read her babies cues and respond in the best way for the first 3 months and then I would introduce a routine.
Then I had my baby.
I had huge issues bf; no/low supply, poor/no attachment and was in hospital (a public one) for 6 days instead of 1 getting this sorted. The midwives all commented on how "loud and healthy" my bubs cry was.
Once home; my baby screamed. And screamed. And I had no idea if she was hungry or tired or cold or sick. Her screams all sounded the same to me. And I felt like a failure of a mother who not only couldn't supply enough milk for her but also couldn't read or understand her cries.
The first 8 weeks were pure hell. She cried I cried and I had to a couple of times put her in her bassinet and walk away cause I was at breaking point and she was screaming whether I held her or not. I could still not tell what she wanted (tried feeding when she was tired and putting her down when she was hungry it all sounded the same: very loud and very angry).
After those weeks things got easier. I got my supply up using a sns so was able to bf, she got easier to settle after going to a day sleep school and she started to get a little personality and I could slowly tell when she was tired vs hungry vs something else. I do follow a routine now of awake times (ie x hours awake between naps at y age) and a ritual before night sleep of bath feed story but if she's tired before then now I know :-) and put her down.
I guess to try to cut this short what I'm trying to say is; whatever method you use; don't blame yourself if it doesn't work the way you imagined it. Give yourself 8-12 weeks to get used to each other (call it the 4th trimester/quarter) and then think about which method is best for you.
And whatever that method is will be the best for your baby. Cause it's your baby!
And for a smile watch the ad video of the different mother "camps" arguing.. there will always be people trying to help who vehemently disagree on the best way so you can only listen and make up your own mind.
Good luck! You're going to be a great mum!
By Kea23 in forum General Sleeping & Settling ChatReplies: 32Last Post: 06-06-2016, 18:45
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