hugs leisylou. i wish i knew what to say. it's just not fair. take care & time to grieve
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07-04-2015 16:21 #81Senior Member
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07-04-2015 16:35 #82
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07-04-2015 17:23 #83
07-04-2015 17:42 #84
sorry to see more crxppy news leisylou. I know all about the questions of when the fertility just seems to stop dead. Thats what happened to me right back when we started, 2 conceptions in 8 months and then after the ectopic BAM no more natural conceptions..ever. Its always stumped me and I will always wonder whether its the stress of it all that does that.
leyshoja I hope you've popped the bubbles and are blissfully hazy right now.
Speaking of finances, geez, when the receptionist at IVFA said to me "don't faint when you compare the payment amount to RPA" she wasn't wrong. It is a big factor for me and I felt quite depressed driving home from my appointment. I just have visions of us having nothing to transfer and having paid out all that money for nothing. I can see how stressful that stuff is on top of the already stressful process that is IVF.
My FS did the scratch and nk biopsy and then planned my cycle. Im doing Elonva, so that I have never done before. Has anyone else done it? We are also doing ICSI which we have never done either. Do people generally have any better outcomes comparing IVF and ICSI with no known sperm issues?
My main fear is the low dose thing, given that I don't respond greatly, although Ive had very mixed numbers on even higher doses so Im guessing its just all a bit of pot luck.
Hi to everyone, oh and BlondeinBrisvegas, if I get a natural BFP I would keel over in shock, so Im won't be betting my life savings on that one working out!!! Thanks for the high hopes tho!
07-04-2015 17:55 #85
Oh hell Leisylou. That sux. It's amazing you have the strength to say giving up is not an option.
Sorry ladies about not being on here much, we went away for Easter and I only had the iPhone with not great access to BH. And now I can't really keep up.
But just wanted to say again to Bongley, Leyshoja and Chiefgirl, I'm so disappointed about your BFN's and for you Chiefs, such a big thing, the end of your OE journey. I really feel for all of you
Leyshoja, yeah, what gives first?? For me it will be my mental stability failing well before we run out of money. And if I'm going to become mentally unstable I think that would affect the marriage. So I would quit ivf to save my relationship. I had a massive breakdown last night, felt like a failure in life. I really hate these down moments/days/weeks I am having more and more often now because of stupid ivf.
Blonde I wish I was able to be as upbeat as you. But ladies, I think I'm joining this month's BFN club. Pink staining yesterday, brown spotting today with period pain at 4dp5dt. Hence the breakdown last night. This has happened before during a natural FET (no progesterone support) and it's the harbinger of a BFN.
FFS's ladies yes I know we are old in reproductive terms but the success rates are not zero otherwise why are our Doctors even treating us!? There really should have been one BFP this cycle ladies. We can be forgiven for holding a short pity party.
On a brighter note, I had a lovely getaway over Easter with my 2 BFFs since kindergarten. Ppl who know me to the core and I don't have to hide anything. Except my slight jealousy that one of them has 2 ivf bubs who I helped look after all weekend.
07-04-2015 19:05 #86
@Leisylou Awww....CRAP!! F.U. AF!!! Am sorry Luv for the Mega Health Plan this month. You go and have a drink too and worry about tomorrow when you wake up.
@leyshoja Aaaahhhh...faarrkk it!! I second at what @tuxcat said and hope you're getting comfortably numb with a bottle or 2 of bubbly
@tuxcat You had the scratch done today?? How did you go?? Hope it wasn't too painful for you Luv. it helps with implantation for your next transfer. I know one of the Lovelies on the other thread I frequent and @Biscotti71 does as well (Single and 43..) has done Elonva then topped it up with either Gonal-F or Puregon???
Don't know about the ICSI vs traditional IVF as we had to do ICSI every time. Did your FS say why the ICSI this time?? There's no way to know how successful it will be until you have it done Luv. this upcoming Cycle is your BFP!! As for the natural BFP, stranger things have happened and I hope it'll be a case of "famous last words" for you!!
@Skyler Any chance it could be an implantation staining/spotting episode?? The timing's right Am still for you Luv and will do unless/until AF shows. Am glad to hear you enjoyed your getaway too
I have no freaking idea why it's so bloody expensive either, I really don't but it was the biggest factor in stopping us from keeping going if we hadn't of been successful and that was with Wazza keeping his personal fee's for things to the bare minimum for us when he could. As nearly always, it was the FC's fee's that were out there as well as hospital fee's etc too
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 07-04-2015 at 19:08.
07-04-2015 19:35 #87
Skyler - i too was wondering if it could be implantation..Im glad you had a nice weekend away. I hear you re the mental state - in some ways I think I have come a long way in all that, as some days I actually question whether I want to keep doing this. I sway between wanting to want to stop and move on and start planning how Im going to live my life being child free and all the things we could do because of that. Like go and live O/S, travel a lot and buy some cool inner city apartment (altho i may need a lottery win first!). But then I know the actual reality of stopping and giving up for good (not secretly hoping it will still happen) is a very different story. Its just so hard
Blonde yes I had the scratch, it was ok, a bit painful but nothing too crazy. I get nasty AF pain so I probably have a fairly high pain threshold. Yes the Elonva lasts for 7 days and then you top it with FSH until you're ready to trigger. We are trying ICSI to see if it helps, I think the theory is just to mix things up from where we've already been before. and hell, it adds another nearly 1k into the mix so why the fxck not !!!
Its truly obscenely expensive and when I was driving home i thought how much bullsh!t it is the way the receptionist was explaining it all - that the fees cover everything leading up to the egg pickup BUT if the cycle gets cancelled, you don't have to pay like $8600 or something even though you have actually used all the drugs, had the bloods and scans. How does that actually make any sense? Its all a scam, because they can, thats why. Because they know that people who want a baby will go to ridiculous lengths to get one, therefore they get away with it.
But I love the FS, she's really fantastic, so easy to talk to and I even got to choose what LP support I want. Anything I put on the table she is open to doing, and I cant honestly say we have had that before. She even bulk billed me for todays appointment - the scratch and her fees so its not the Drs its the clinics.
07-04-2015 19:53 #88
I totally get that @leyshoja and @Skyler - I wonder at what point I would give up - the emotional side of it is probably the hardest. But giving up at this point is just soul-destroying, so I have to keep going.
I know I'm not up there with you guys in terms of IVF cycles etc - but I've been desperate to have a child for eight years now, so it seems like a long time. Prior to my DH my partner from ages 35-39 lied to me about wanting children to keep me in the relationship. He knew how much I wanted a baby and he dangled the carrot in front my nose, keeping on promising me the world, but having no intention of having a child with me. I remember standing in the kitchen at age 38 sobbing my heart out and just screaming at him that I don't have time, it has to be now. I ended up dragging him to a counselor at age 39 where finally, he said "I need five more years before I'm ready to have children" and the counselor said "Leisylou doesn't have five more years" and he pretty much just shrugged. I left within a month then.
Then I went and had all my tests done to freeze some eggs, and found out my AMH was less than 1.5. My doctor was a biatch and told me I was completely infertile and to not even bother trying to freeze eggs, my ovaries were dead and there was nothing to stimulate. I grieved long and hard for those children I would never have.
Then miracle of miracles I met my DH at 40 and fell pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex - I lost that one. We were only in the early days of our relationship, and we wanted to be sure this relationship was the right one, so we didn't try again until I had just turned 42. I fell pregnant the first go again.
So even though it's only been just on two years of trying, it's been eight years of desperate yearning and the desire to have a child. I know we all have our stories at this point. It's really, really hard. I think we're entitled to a little pity party - none of us lives in that state - we all pull up our boot-straps and get on with it, so I think a drink or two on the day AF arrives is quite fine. I've had one glass - so that's it, tomorrow is a new start!
07-04-2015 22:10 #89
07-04-2015 22:26 #90
@Leisylou I don't think it matters how many ivf cycles/iui/natural cycles you have had, trying is trying. It is always devastating when you have a loss.
Having a partner that isn't supportive is always hard, especially when they lead you on!
I was single from 24 to 31 and then reconnected with my darling DH (who I have known since I was 18) but we were both so commitment shy that it took till I was 38 till we got married. I thought we had so much time. DH's sister who I was friends with at school and the same age, (same class as me at high school) is still popping out babies at 41 I thought we'd fall on our honeymoon. I cried and cried when I got my AF while on our honeymoon. And here we are now.
I broke the news to my mum today via text! She lives in nz and is rather full on, we aren't really close - I didn't even tell her about ivf till we were on our third go! I don't speak with my brother and we haven't broken it with the inlaws yet. They have an aunt and uncle staying with them at the moment (pop is still in hospital with multiple infections and a possible foot amputation due to gang green), so we want to wait till the aunt and uncle have gone before making the call. I am actually a lot closer to my in laws than my mum, so we want to call them rather than email or text. I am a little worried about how they will take the ed route.
I'm especially worried bout the very religious SIL and what their opinion on ed will be. It won't deter us, but it will make family gatherings horribly uncomfortable if they are totally against it.
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