how many of you have a best friend that has been so for many years??
my best friend ...or more like ex bf ..was mine for 25yrs...we talked about everything and i mean everything...there were no secrets between us..
but than 2 yrs ago she had a new group of friends (these women had their own group and included my bf into it) and slowly the contact between us became non existent..when we did meet up she hardly talked or shared at all..when i would message ;where previously we would have an ongoing conversation; now it would be 1 word replies...
than i found out from another mutual friend that she has girl nights at her place with her new group...never invited me ...where as when i would do anything with my friends (whom she didnt know) i would still invite her since shes my bf..
last weekend she bought a new house ...yesterday was her house warming party..not invited..and i only found out because the caterer she had for the party is a friend of ours and he by the way said are you going to her house warming..
i guess going from 25yrs of being best friend to a acquaintance status is hard...when you hadnt done anything to bring this on...i dont want to ask her why ...whats the point..but it does hurt..
i dont have alot of friends, actually not counting ex bf i have 3 which i would say are close ,rest are acquaintances...
sorry for the long story..i guess i had to get it out somewhere..
i know eventually i will get over it and move on ..just needs time..
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04-04-2015 11:22 #1
do you have a best friend??
04-04-2015 11:37 #2
Wow OP. I can see how your friends actions can be so hurtful... Especially considering your long history of friendship.
I have learnt to be honest. If you miss her, tell her. The worst she can do is reject you, like she already is doing. That way you've done what you feel is right.
In your situation I would get in contact with my friend and explain things. I'd say I wasn't quite sure what had happened but I miss you and want to continue to be a part of your life. If your new friends don't like me, that's fine, I'm more than happy to see you separately to them. We've been friends for so long and I want to fight for this friendship. You're my friend. Let's work this out!
I really feel for you OP.
In answer to your question, yes I have a few best friends. I'm only 25 but we've been friends for 12 years. I would confront them if they were behaving like this.
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04-04-2015 11:42 #3Senior Member
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Sorry this is happening to you. You probably haven't done anything wrong . It's just that sometimes we just move on from people and situations. Sometimes we just grow away from people and sometimes people are just not relevant to our lives anymore. Maybe she feels as though you and the new group don't mix? I think that maybe you should talk to her and even if the answers are not what you want to hear i think you deserve some answers. I hope you find some new great friends soon. Try meetup.
04-04-2015 11:43 #4
I have a group of girl friends and we have been best friends for 20 years. They mean the world to me.
If I was treated the way you are being i would be crushed.
I would be honest with her and ask what is going on.
04-04-2015 12:06 #5
That's horrible. I would be so upset if that happened to me too. Can you try to talk to her or write her an email?
I don't have an acknowledged best friend. By that I mean that the person I consider my BF, who is a lovely person I've known since year 7, I'm not sure she considers me her best friend. I'd love if she did. We are certainly close, despite now living in different countries, but she has many friends, who she met at uni etc, and she's the sort of person who I don't think would choose one BF. Which is fine.
I kinda missed out on keeping my other great friendships going. At high school I was part of a lovely group of 5. This person I've mentioned was one. Others we drifted apart from when we left school and went in different directions.
At university I made a silly decision to move out of halls of residence and thus drifted away from the great friends I'd lived with there.
I have recently made good friends with someone from playgroup. I just feel happy and comfortable around her. And think we could be close. I would love that. But always feel a bit unworthy. Not sure why....
04-04-2015 12:10 #6
Big hugs! Your friend's actions have been so hurtful and insensitive
It is normal and common for friends to grow apart or move on to other friendships - people grow and change a lot over 25 years after all - but there is a sensitive and kind way to do it, and then there's a bishy and unkind way to do it! I'm sorry your friend has chosen the latter.
I do have a bf, we've been bf's for 17 years. At times we've both moved on to other friendships, and grown apart, but we've always had respect for the time we've been bf's and we've always still made an effort to include each other in milestones. We've always treated each other with kindness & respect - that's what true friends do! We've reconnected over recent years and are firmly bbf's now
I'd like to think that if I had been treated the way you were, that I would call her out on her shizzy behaviour... But in reality I'd probably just cut my losses and move on, and try over time to let go of the hurt. Focus on the friendships you do have, focus on family, and maybe join some type of special interest group to just get out and have fun and take your mind off it... and maybe make some new friends in the meantime
04-04-2015 12:16 #7
Out of curiousity do you both have kids/not have kids? I find a massive gulf opened up between my friends without kids and I once I had them.
My bestie and I drifted apart when she made new friends. About 7 years of no contact and we bumped into each other one day and we picked up where we left off. She regretted what happened, and we've been great ever since.
I also find when people get super close super quick you just need to wait it out, they usually implode.
04-04-2015 12:22 #8
I've recently gone through something similar with a very close, if not best, friend of 22 yrs. When I tried to explore it with her (annoyingly by FB message, as she doesn't return my calls and is too busy to catch up, ...but that's not just with me, it's how she rolls) I was told that things are fine between us and I was reading into things too much. However, her behaviour didn't change at all. If it was me, I would have made more effort if a close friend was concerned about lack of contact.
It really upset and consumed me for a few weeks, if not months, which was really unhelpful. I decided I didn't want to feel like that and realised that I will never know if she is wanting to move on from me or is actually just really stressed and busy. It wasn't helping the situation for me to feel like that, and there was nothing else I could do, so I drew a mental line in the sand and accepted that things are different now. Not only that, I realised that I expect more from a close friend than how she had been treating me. Part of this process of letting go included deleting my Instagram account and FB app, as I was tying myself in knots reading into her behaviour online. To do all of this was a massive relief and had me feeling more empowered and much better overall.
Since then I have been more proactive in other friendships, and it's helped to remind me of how lovely my other friends are. If she contacts me or we see each other around (which i have and is inevitable as our husbands are good friends), I am friendly and civil, and happily catch up if she initiates it, but I'm not putting myself in the position to be disappointed anymore. I'm aware of the ebb and flow of long term friendships and I'm open to the possibility that things will improve in future, but I'm not clinging to it.
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04-04-2015 12:32 #9
do you have a best friend??
I would be hurt too OP
I agree with @Wise Enough about the kids thing - often friendships change when one friend becomes a mother and the other friend is still living the child-free lifestyle. That may not be your situation though (?)
I have been best friends with my bestie for over 20 years. We are both quite different in many ways - she started a family several years before I did, but somehow it works! We have often lived a long way away from each other too, so we don't catch up in person very often. We maintain our friendship over the phone and fb (she lives interstate at the moment).
Last edited by Mod-Degrassi; 04-04-2015 at 16:15.
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04-04-2015 14:27 #10
thanks for your replies everyone..
we both have DDs just afew months apart so kid wise its not an issue.
DH does say ask her whats wrong...a part of me wants to but than the other part is afriad of what she will say...
i think i will ask her eventually though..just to give myself closure
@ABigDeepBreath i actually also deleted my facebook account because it was upsetting me too much when she would post pics of hanging out with her friends...with deleting it it did help aot..
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