We live on a farm so DH used to work long days 7 days a week and during different times if the year (seeding and harvest, could literally go weeks without seeing the kids for more than an hour here or there. Since my health has failed, we've had to employ staff and he works in a more managerial role from the house but for the 8 years prior we just made it work and it was very much about quality rather than quantity - we'd take lunch and dinner out and the kids would see him then and as they got older they'd talk on the phone.
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01-04-2015 13:41 #11Senior Member
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- Dec 2005
01-04-2015 14:21 #12Senior Member
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- Oct 2014
im a single mumma not partnered, my boys adore their dad and are ment to see him every other weekend, he manages one night a month normally.
I just explain to the eldest that dad is at work and will be home later, if we were partnered Id make sure weekends were family time
01-04-2015 14:37 #13
Dh works interstate. So we don't have him home often. Last year he did 6.5mths in Afghanistan Om deployment.
You manage. You have to. I've got a 2.5 and 4.5yo. This has been our life for the past two years. I work 3.5 days a week as well.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
01-04-2015 15:01 #14
I think, given how big a support your DH is to you and how involved he is with settling your son etc, plus your general anxiety which may be exacerbated again by returning to work, I would be seriously weighing up if he can hold out for something without the commute.
DH worked super-long hours when both bubs were little and worked away 3wks at a time when my 2nd was 10-20months, but currently has a job that puts him home in time for "crazy hour" most nights. Some nights he isn't home and, you know what, it freaking sucks!
Yes, I always coped/got by/just got on with it when he was not around, the world never came crashing in and it's entirely possible to do it on your own. But, far out, it is just sooooo much easier when he's home!
01-04-2015 15:10 #15
My df often works 12-14hr days and doesn't see the kids before he leaves, they are mostly in bed before he gets home.
It sucks. But you make it work. We try and make the most of our weekends and he talks to the kids most afternoon on the phone or FaceTime.
I heard a quote recently, something along the lines of- never turn down an opportunity even it's not the direction you want, because you never know what doors might open along the way.
It might not be ideal for him to work away but I suppose you also have to consider what happens if he ends up without a job too. Maybe it's a shorterm solution until something better can be line up?
01-04-2015 15:26 #16
It has been like this since DD was born (she is now 3) but when DH is home he is incredibly hands on and DD loves him. She understands that DH works at lot, she thinks that is what everyone's dads do, its his own business so he puts in a lot of hours.
I also have a 4 month old DS and still work from home the days DD is in daycare (2 days a week) when he naps.
This has been the norm for both the kids, and won't be changing anytime soon. I just deal with it. Its not going to change. It is hard at times. I feel sorry for DH as he misses out on so much, but we ring/facetime him throughout the day and tell him exciting things that happen, sometimes we go and visit him at work if we are going past.
I suppose I technically don't get a break, but when DH is home on sundays/saturday afternoons he pretty much does all the bathing/playing etc etc. We just keep things really family orientated as much as possible when he is home.
01-04-2015 16:43 #17
When DD was first born DH left at 7am and wasn't home till 7pm, some nights it was 9/10pm. DD was asleep by 6pm every night.
5 days a week he never saw her. He also worked a few hours some weekends. The money was amazing but it almost ruined our marriage. We were both miserable. I hated never having any help at all with DD and he hated never seeing her. When he was home I was tired and annoyed. He ended up cheating on me (not that that will happen to you!) but my point is, it was the hours of the job that stuffed everything! Before that everything was great!
Once I actually told DH it was his job or us he dropped his hours WAY back and things started going good again until I found out about the cheating
It may work for you!!! What works for you may not work for someone else.
01-04-2015 17:36 #18
My DH was pretty much like this for the first 18 months of my daughter's life. On a day to day to basis he would get up and leave by 6am and not be home until after 7 or 8 he had a 1 hour commute.
It was hard but doable. Also frustrating as he needed a break on the weekend as did I
If he was home in time he'd often do her bath or in the mornings he would get her up and change her nappy and bring her to me.
He would often go several days without seeing her.
It's a hard job market so he was lucky that he got the job. Then before Christmas he was made redundant. He's still trying to get a new job.
I guess you just make it work as best you can.
01-04-2015 17:53 #19
When I worked closer to the city I rented a 'day space' privately from a girl who had an apartment but no car. She got the space back in the evenings and weekends for her boyfriend so it was a win/win and cost me hardly anything. Is it possible to drive your dp in to work a few days each week or pick him up? That way you still get time together and he could sit in the back and feed your son breakfast. I know my neighbour and her ds used to catch the bus with the dh once a week. They would have time to walk to the bus stop and have coffee in the city. Sometimes you can make small changes to make things work.
Oh and a man I know took to co sleeping with his young child because bonding time can still happen during the night.
Last edited by BbBbBh; 01-04-2015 at 17:55.
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01-04-2015 17:57 #20
Partner working long hours & doesnt see baby during the week?
My husband has done FIFO work since before we had kids, so they don't know any difference. He's away for 3-4 weeks at a time, then home with us for about the same amount of time. Once the kids were old enough to start asking for daddy it got a bit harder, but our 3 year old understands that daddy goes to work on a plane and has to stay away at work for a whole. We speak when we can on Skype/FaceTime so he can see the kids and they can see him (and now our oldest can even have a little conversation with him). We have plenty of photos of daddy around the house so they can see him (and I have videos and photos of them all together on my phone which they like looking at). I also had daddy dolls made by a lady on facebook called 'wish you were here dolls'. They actually have a photo of him on it so the boys can have daddy even when he's away.
I'm lucky at the moment as I'm not working so don't have to try and juggle the kids and work, but they don't go to daycare either so I don't really get a break while hubby is away. When he's home I try and get a few hours to myself.
I guess it's what ever you get used to and adapt to. Good luck x
Last edited by summastarlet; 01-04-2015 at 18:02.
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