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  1. #1
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    Default Wanting to hear experiences about sperm donation processes

    HI ALL!

    Im totally new to this so please be easy on me!
    For years i have always been one to just read though threads after threads about certain topics but i feel with this topic i have not found sufficient information therefore I have finally come out to get to know about sperm donation processes.

    Here is the low down:
    I am a lesbian and have been with my partner for 5 years. We are in the process of wanting to expand our family (I had a child to a previous) and start having our own kids.

    We have spent hours and nights searching the internet about couples experiences with a sperm donor without much success.

    I want to know the what peoples opinions on this is to.
    Our plan is to find a donor whom is willing to not have contact with the child as yes we want to bring the child up with the 2 parents whom brought him/her up.

    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
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    Hello! Welcome!

    DP and I (she is also here on BH) will be starting our family later this year and will be using donor sperm too. We will be going through a clinic to ensure the donor has had screening and also to make they have no legal rights over the child. We would prefer to not know them and have no contact with them so it works well for us. Have you considered using a clinic? You can choose your donor (sometimes a local one but can be tricky) or from the states and then they import to Oz.

    Let me know if you have any questions or want to chat! There is also a same sex area on BH too which is great.

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  4. #3
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    Oh Congratulations to you and your DP.
    You two must be so excited.

    Me and my DP have thought about the pros and cons of have AI at home or in the clinic. Everything for us leans to home IF and a big IF the sperm donor is willing to take on our wants (ect. blood tests/ screen and being anonymous)

    We are actually in talks with a donor at the moment which has just raised our excitement. We are i think this week meeting up with him to discuss further as I would rather sit in front of someone instead of sitting behind a keyboard.

    Please keep me updated on your progress I would love to stay informed.

    I'll go find the same sex area now.

    Thanks again

  5. #4
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    That's okay @burlen everyone has their own reasons for each and you are right, it's always best to way up pros and cons. I don't think there is a 'right' way so do you mind me asking why you prefer home insemination? I love hearing about other peoples journeys and the decision making is part of that! You can even start your own TTC diary on here which is pretty cool. I can tag you in the same sex thread too if you like. It's slow moving right now but there are other same sex couples on here too and some could perhaps with the home insem part. We would love for our kids to be biologically connected as we will both be using our eggs (egg sharing - I will use DP's egg to carry her biological child and vice versa) so therefore need the same sperm to make that happen. I also was worried about getting all the legal side sorted so that it wouldn't get messy down the track. I never looked into it so it could be very straightforward really. Can't wait to hear about you and your DP go!!!

  6. #5
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    Hi @burlen. Welcome to bubhub. I hope you find a lot of support here, it's a pretty cool place. There's so much information on here.
    I know there are a couple of lesbians on here who have done AI at home but I think most have probably gone through a clinic.

    For me, I love the idea that we will not know who the sperm donor is. I would not want any issues to crop up in the future regarding access or visitation. The agreements with sperm donors through clinics are pretty airtight. They have no legal rights to any child.
    The issue with doing AI at home is that the sperm donor can actually take you to court to gain access. Even if there is a signed agreement, apparently these do not hold up in court. I know someone that this happened to and the sperm donor was awarded partial custody of the child, despite a signed contract stating he had given up all rights.
    I don't want to scare you off doing it this way, I just wanted to let you know.

    That said AI at home is obviously so much cheaper and can be a lot easier emotionally as there aren't any drugs to make. Make sure you have seen a doctor to make sure everything is working well as it would suck to do it a few times and then there be something stopping it from happening.

    Regarding the donor, please make sure you ask them to have all of the tests. I'm sure you already know about this. It's the best way to protect yourself from anything. Ask for copies of the results as well so that you have proof.

    There are several websites that you can search for sperm donors in your area. Once you have over 5 posts on here, you can private message people. If you want these websites, just let me know and I will PM them to you. Some people on there are only after s.ex but there can be some genuine people that are truly looking to do AI and help someone start a family.

    I hope that when you start your journey, it is a short one and you get a gorgeous little bubba soon

    If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask

  7. #6
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    Us personally don't want to go through a clinic as it seems to be very clinical (sounds cliche' but you know what I mean)
    I don't want to go through the process of 'counselling and all that jazz i feel it's hard enough same-sex couples wanting/conceiving a baby and i feel its just too invasive for us.
    We just want to be in the comfort of our own home and make it a very calm and relaxing experience instead of having to go to a clinic and sit in a waiting room.
    I guess its each to their own and your right there is not right way to do it.
    And with the legal side yes i'm very sceptic and am still in the researching stages of finding out how we go about this.

    I'm quite thrilled about this TTC diary. I was actually thinking of writing all our experiences down.

    The egg sharing idea is great me and my DP have always wanted that and that will be our next journey after we overcome our dream of having our first child first!

    Thanks also for tagging me in the same-sex group

  8. #7
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    Hi there!

    Thank you for your insight. I love hearing different opinions and views on this very important topic.

    We have yet to look into the legal side of it too seriously but that is a HUGE factor we need to focus on.
    But yes i agree with having it done at the clinic there is the emotional and invasive side we don't want to deal with. And yes the drugs.

    I just don't like the idea of sitting in a clinic. It seems TOO planned and I just want it to be a casual and non-stressful.

    I would much appreciate the websites you have come across. We are linked to 2 at the moment.
    Gosh I have come across a few profiles that have pretty much said "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" if you know what i mean.

    But i guess on all websites there are douche bags.

    So have you been in the process of having a baby yet? I would love to hear about it.

    Thanks for your reply

  9. #8
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    Hi Burlen.

    DP and I considered AI at home but decided to go with a clinic.

    Congrats on deciding to TTC, very exciting times ahead for you and your DP no doubt.

    I just thought I'd offer an alternate opinion on the counselling process - this was EXTREMELY beneficial for DP and I. It's not a bad thing. It's a really, really good thing. The counsellor talked to us about explaining how our child came to be to bub, what developmental stages correlate with ages and the appropriate information we should offer to our baby, the difference between a genetic donor and a father, how to respond to issues of not feeling like a legitimate mother if your DP carries bub. This was all so, so, so precious to DP and I.

    I would definitely recommend counselling regardless of which approach (AI/IUI) you decide to take.

    Good luck! Hopefully soon we hear your dreams have come true!

  10. #9
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    Thank you so much I'll definitely take that into consideration. I guess yes all the processes in a clinic are definatly beneficial.

    Thank you so much!
    How old is your baby now?

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    Hi there,

    I am a 35 yr old male interested in donating, i am in a long term same sex relationship and would be happy to help if all works out, I am happy to have any screening done. I live in sydney, contact me direct if you wish to discuss anythin further, jakeallananderson@outlook.com


 

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