Hey ladies, did anyone else find themselves drinking more after their stillbirth? My boy was born at 22 weeks about a month ago after a TFMR. I was sad but ok until the autopsy report came back two weeks ago which said the doctors were wrong - my boy did not have skeletal dysplasia, there was a placental insufficiency and IUGR. I feel like if we had known this we would not have undergone the TFMR. Please don't judge me, I hate myself enough as it is. Since then I've had at two standard drinks per day and at least one Valium. There's no way I could sleep without it. I'm never drunk or unable to function but Im just sick of 'feeling' everything and I want to check my brain out of life. It's too much and it's too hard. I've just started seeing a psych but after two sessions she's only taken a history, so we haven't got to the treatment part yet.
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27-03-2015 10:17 #1Senior Member
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- Apr 2012
Alcohol after stillbirth
27-03-2015 10:24 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
I don't have an answer for your question but I just wanted to send you a big hug. That's a terrible thing you've been through. I think a good idea to see the psych and also if you feel a bit uncomfortable with what you're drinking then you should follow your gut on that, regardless of whether others think it is ok or not. You know yourself, and it's a positive that you can see this might become a problem for you and pre-empt it.
27-03-2015 10:38 #3
So sorry to read of your loss of your little boy, huge hugs.
I lost my girl Lily, due to a placenta ubruption. I can't forgive myself either
This was in September last year. We also had a wrong diagnosis.
Sine then I've had pysch treatment due to the greif and anger.
Ive had a few drinking benders since. Also had a few night time drinks to try to sleep. I seriously would have smoked crack to stop the pain, anything to get her back.
Ive been on Valium since then, I've been on 5 mg & 2 mg tablets. I've been halving the doses as well. I now don't take it everyday, only when needed.
They also tried to get to me to take anit depressants, which I'm not depressed its grief.
Ive found the counselling has really helped me and DH through some of the darkest days. We also found SANDS a great help and have been to a few meetings.
Be kind to yourself xx
Here if you need to talk hugs
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27-03-2015 11:26 #4
No judgement here. There are lots of people who use alcohol to dull the pain. I think it’s great to see a psych and process some of your grief. Hopefully in doing so you won’t feel the need to drink to dull pain in the future and will just go back to having a drink because you want to enjoy one. Hugs to you xxx
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27-03-2015 13:04 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
I lost my son last year at full term and I never turned to alcohol simply because it was hard enough to function with adding in a hangover (I'm an all or nothing kind of gal) but I did heavily rely on coffee to cope. I think what you're doing is fine because you're controlling it but absolutely as other have said, make sure you get that professional help as well. Not because you're drinking but because you lost your beautiful baby. Even if you think a psych or counsellor has nothing to offer you (that's how I felt), there's no harm in trying, right? Big hugs xx
27-03-2015 13:39 #6
I'm so sorry for the loss of your DS.
I know I found myself drinking more after our DD2 was born at 20 weeks the Christmas before last.
Once DD1 was asleep I would have a few wines every night, I also started running again, which helped me in a different way and I found that the need to run to clear my head ended up outweighing the need to drink at night (by no means was I getting wasted every night but dulling the pain). I did try counselling but it wasn't for me.
Your pain is still so fresh, don't be too hard on yourself, you have enough going on without adding feeling bad about this.
Things do get easier as time goes on. At the stage you are now, I never thought I would be were I am now. Its been a year and nearly 4 months since we lost DD2 (I lost all my amniotic fluid and she could not survive in utero). They were my darkest days and its still hard at times.
PM me if you ever want to chat, no judgement here, I did what I could to get through after we lost DD2.
Take care of yourself and don't let the guilt eat away at you, I do feel guilty still, I think it will always stay with you to a certain degree x
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27-03-2015 16:01 #7
I'm so sorry Sally. Just wanted to give you some virtual hugs
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27-03-2015 16:49 #8
Sally if I were in your shoes I'd be way beyond a couple of standard drinks a night, I know that for sure. I'm so so sorry for your loss.
I think you are very prudent to keep an eye on yourself, but unless you feel that you can't function at all without drinking I completely understand the need to dull your life a little atm and wouldn't worry too much.
There will come a time when you're ready to face what you are feeling and at that point I highly recommend counselling. Guilt and remorse and anger can eat you up inside and will stop you from healing. Please go gently on yourself.
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27-03-2015 18:44 #9
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.
I think it's quite natural to want to dull the pain, just keep an eye on it. I second seeing someone, there may even be a support group online if you don't want to go out much atm.
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27-03-2015 19:05 #10
Alcohol after stillbirth
It took me about a week to bring myself to be able to have a drink and feel like I wasn't doing anything 'wrong.' But once I opened myself up to it a glass or two a night really helped take the edge off of my pain, like I could breathe at least. I took sleeping pills for quite a while. I was scared to go to sleep and dream so that was the only way I could calm down quite often. The beginning of loosing a baby is just about surviving. Don't beat yourself up. As time passes you learn to cope with the pain a little more each day. I wouldn't say it goes away, it's more you learn how to not let it control you. Please be gentle to yourself. X
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 28-03-2015 at 20:10.
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