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  1. #31
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    I think it all depends on your relationships with your family, and what you value most.

    For us, we cut my partners family from our lives completely not long after our son was born. They were unstable and toxic (nomadic, manipulative, substance abusive - would call us at 10am asking for us to travel interstate to visit them with our newborn son, because they were TOO DRUNK to drive to visit us), and he is better NOT knowing them.

    My son has A LOT to do with my parents, and my youngest brother as we all lived together until he was about 12 months when my parents moved away for work. They came back about 8 months ago, and my younger brother moved 100kms away but we still see them regularly. He LOVES them, and even spends weekends away with my parents every 6-8wks.

    I have an older brother with children, but he lives 7+hrs away. We try to see them twice or more a year and are always talking about them. DS Loves them all and is always asking when they are going to come and visit.

    I grew up away from all family (Dads approx 4+hrs away, mums 12+hrs away) I do think i missed out on the going to grandparents/aunts/uncles etc for holidays like my friends used too. We did have 3rd?? cousins local, who we seen very regularly.

    It was always a big deal to go visit the further away family... But also quite embarrassing as i got older... Things like, when i was 15 having a cousin 10+yrs older saying "I Remember you when you were 3, you used to eat Heinz spaghetti cold out of a tin" If that gives you any idea on how often we managed to see them.

    I Think the only way to decide, is to work out what is most important to your family, and then sadly, look at the old pros and cons list.

    Would moving closer, but not directly near them be an option? so a day trip, or even weekend trip to visit would be easy to do?

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    MAJS  (21-03-2015)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I grew up with no extended family, and i hate that i dont have that bond with anyone! No family BBQs or Christmases etc. Ive always thought it was really sad. But thats just me, and the grass is always greener!
    I grew up with an extended family, and we didn't do any of that stuff.

    Just because the people are there, does not mean the bond will be.
    So I wouldn't choose to live near them in the hopes it would, and instead would choose to live somewhere I liked, and would like to raise children in.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (21-03-2015),MAJS  (21-03-2015)

  5. #33
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    I think your own families happiness and well being is more important.
    We moved away from extended family when I was 5. We visited them a few times every couple of years. But I wouldn't recognise most of my cousins now if I saw them.
    My grandparents always came to see us at Xmas and Easter and we would go down to see them as much as possible. I even flew down alone on school holidays when I was older.

    We moved away for financial security, a better job and prospects for our families ongoing success. if we stayed where we were - yes I might have a better relationship with my cousins and uncles etc. but I wouldn't have had the education I have - nor the financial security to achieve more growing up.
    So ultimately - I am now as an adult and mother completely in favour of my parents decision and would do the same for my family given similar circumstance.

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    MAJS  (21-03-2015)

  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by MAJS View Post
    Our primary school aged kids have been away from extended family since they were very young (As we live interstate). I often think they are missing out and feel we should move back where family are, mostly to give them extra support, experience and memories of their extended family.
    We are currently very happy where we are living except for not having family around and not having a big circle of very close family-like friendships.
    So my question is how important is it for children to have extended family around them growing up and how do you come to a decision that you can’t decide on despite doing pro’s and con’s list.
    Ultimately I want what is best for the kids, but is extended family more important in their lives as opposed to a city with lower crime rate, good schools and lower unemployment rates etc?
    Any thoughts advice would be appreciated, thanks
    Hi, hope you're doing well. I was browsing on internet to get help to make a better decision and I came across your question as I am exactly in your situation you where in 2015. I'm thinking for 3 years and can't make my decision! Now if you don't mind I'm wondering what was your decision? Did you move to be close to your extended family or did you prefere to stay in your city?

    I'm in Sydney and my extended families are in Vancouver Canada.

    Thanks

  8. #35
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    To us it isn't overly important. What is more important is choosing the right place to raise our children which for us isn't the city where family are. We visit them regularly enough and they can visit too. The boys have a great relationship with their aunties regardless of the distance.

  9. #36
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    My parents moved away from the extended family before I was born. I was raised surrounded by friends who became family, but it’s not the same. When we have family get togethers I feel left out because we live so far away from the cousins etc.

    My own kids won’t really know their cousins - my sister is over the other side of the country and husbands family is in Europe. Their “cousins” will be my friends kids, but that doesn’t replace actual family.

    I have a good relationship with my older niece and nephew as they lived nearby when they were younger. But the youngest niece is just a person in photos to me, I’ve seen her for maybe 3 months all up of her 5 years.

  10. #37
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    I see this is an old thread and haven’t read the entire thread but my two cents...

    I have extended family around and actively involved in our children’s lives - it’s wonderful, I feel so privileged to have them. They love my kids and the kids adore them.

    I throughly subscribe to the concept of a village raising a child. In my village I have family and friends. In some instances I find friends provide more benefits - exposure to different customs, beliefs, ect. I think what matters most is having a network of people who help your child to grow into great adults. Blood or not.

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  12. #38
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    Default How important is it for children to grow up around extended family

    We moved interstate and have no one here.

    The kids and I miss everyone a lot. Dh has no emotion (lol) so he has no care factor.

    However, we chose the lifestyle here & luckily for our kids there are small class sizes at school and I know I’d never have that opportunity if we were still back in Sydney. I don’t think dh or I realised how much we’d enjoy it here or how long we’d stay thus far.

    We do get to visit a few times a year which is good, but truthfully all our friends and their kids are moving on without us. We don’t have many friends here and no social life on weekends, which is different to being ‘at home’.

    It’s very much 6 of one and half a dozen of the other for us. I am very torn.
    Last edited by misho; 20-03-2018 at 20:10.

  13. #39
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    For us it’s extremely important. I grew up with a very large, very close extended family and they form some of my most happiest memories. Dh on the other hand grew up with very little family, and now as an adult only has his 3 siblings and step dad. While we do believe it’s important, not everyone in our family feels the same and aside from my grandfather, most have quite little to do with our kids. Our siblings are also a lot younger than us (10-15 years younger, all bar 2 are still teens) so cousins etc are a long way off. In saying that, we are very lucky to have a group of amazing close friends who are considered family- so our kids are not missing out on relationships with ‘uncles’, ‘aunties’ and ‘cousins’. And we are doubly lucky that those friends families have welcomed us with open arms as one of them, so there is even more ‘extended family’ with their siblings and siblings children, parents/grandparents and so on. They may not be biological family, but our kids are well loved and surrounded by those relationships

  14. #40
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    I think it is important but with the way we live nowadays, spread all through out the country or other countries it can be hard to achieve.
    I loved visiting my cousins as a kid, which was only once or twice a year.
    I know my two would love to see their cousins more often as well but we are too far away.
    I believe grandparents are great to have around if you can.
    So yes having family around would be beneficial. After all we need a 'village' to help us raise our children and I think if you are able to have family around to help each other out that would be the way to go.
    But don't go beating yourself up because this isn't possible. Whether by location or family issues etc. Some things are what they are. Kids adjust to the circumstances.


 

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