I think it all depends on your relationships with your family, and what you value most.
For us, we cut my partners family from our lives completely not long after our son was born. They were unstable and toxic (nomadic, manipulative, substance abusive - would call us at 10am asking for us to travel interstate to visit them with our newborn son, because they were TOO DRUNK to drive to visit us), and he is better NOT knowing them.
My son has A LOT to do with my parents, and my youngest brother as we all lived together until he was about 12 months when my parents moved away for work. They came back about 8 months ago, and my younger brother moved 100kms away but we still see them regularly. He LOVES them, and even spends weekends away with my parents every 6-8wks.
I have an older brother with children, but he lives 7+hrs away. We try to see them twice or more a year and are always talking about them. DS Loves them all and is always asking when they are going to come and visit.
I grew up away from all family (Dads approx 4+hrs away, mums 12+hrs away) I do think i missed out on the going to grandparents/aunts/uncles etc for holidays like my friends used too. We did have 3rd?? cousins local, who we seen very regularly.
It was always a big deal to go visit the further away family... But also quite embarrassing as i got older... Things like, when i was 15 having a cousin 10+yrs older saying "I Remember you when you were 3, you used to eat Heinz spaghetti cold out of a tin" If that gives you any idea on how often we managed to see them.
I Think the only way to decide, is to work out what is most important to your family, and then sadly, look at the old pros and cons list.
Would moving closer, but not directly near them be an option? so a day trip, or even weekend trip to visit would be easy to do?
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20-03-2015 23:55 #31
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21-03-2015 11:49 #32
Just because the people are there, does not mean the bond will be.
So I wouldn't choose to live near them in the hopes it would, and instead would choose to live somewhere I liked, and would like to raise children in.
21-03-2015 15:02 #33
I think your own families happiness and well being is more important.
We moved away from extended family when I was 5. We visited them a few times every couple of years. But I wouldn't recognise most of my cousins now if I saw them.
My grandparents always came to see us at Xmas and Easter and we would go down to see them as much as possible. I even flew down alone on school holidays when I was older.
We moved away for financial security, a better job and prospects for our families ongoing success. if we stayed where we were - yes I might have a better relationship with my cousins and uncles etc. but I wouldn't have had the education I have - nor the financial security to achieve more growing up.
So ultimately - I am now as an adult and mother completely in favour of my parents decision and would do the same for my family given similar circumstance.
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