Anyone else torn on whether and when to start a family?
DH and I have been wrestling with the idea for a while now, and after a bit of an accident where we thought I was pregnant (turned out not to be) we thought it was what we really wanted. We really want a baby and we want to start a family in our 20s, but at the same time I feel like we are very young and I can't help but be influenced by the very general message that society and culture exudes that says that people should travel, explore and wait to have children, and that anyone under 30 with kids is a crazy anomaly! (I know I'm generalising here but this is then message I get from the plethora of online articles etc from regretful parents...)
I've been with my DH for 9 years, married for 1.5. This is my fifth year as a teacher on a good salary, and DH has been in his job for almost 10 years - very stable. We own a house, and are ahead by $15,000 on our repayments! The only thing we haven't done is travelled. Well, in my mid-twenties I spent a year backpacking Australia (alone) and we spent 6 months in New Zealand together before we were married but that's the furthest we've been! We wanted to explore our own country first. We had to stop after 1.5 years of traveling because we were running out of money and both wanted to settle down, get jobs and buy a house (plus we were homesick!)
If we did have a baby now, would we be full of regret that we didn't travel and explore the world (as romantically and bohemic as people make it out to be) beforehand? Or would we regret that we waited to start trying? Would we be crazy for TTC so young? Would we feel crazy?
What are your thoughts? I guess I'm not directly asking for advice but just curious as to whether other people feel this. I always think about how badly I would love to have a baby but then think "No, we are too young, we haven't travelled..." But then think - who is telling me this is what you are meant to do?!
ETA: We are 27
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14-03-2015 11:09 #1
Deciding to start a family... when?!
Last edited by Lennon; 15-03-2015 at 18:05.
14-03-2015 11:15 #2
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14-03-2015 11:27 #3Senior Member
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I am Pregnant with our first child now at 29. We've been together for 12 years, married for 6 next month. We have done some travelling, both together and apart (hubby was navy so travelled with work... I did a trip to Europe with my mum and sister etc). Though together we've only really done Thailand and Hawaii. We sort of wish we had done more travelling, but also won't discount travelling in the future with bub.
only you guys can really decided when the right time is....just if traveling is a priority then decide where u want to go and go... Then focus on kids.
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14-03-2015 11:35 #4
Is travelling something you really want to do? Do you yearn for visiting places you have seen in mag's on TV etc? If so do it. Sounds like you are in a good position to take some leave and fill that need. But if that's not your burning desire (and it's not everyone's) and having children before 30 is then don't let what others think get in your way. Only you know what will ultimately make you the happiest. I don't think you will ever regret having a child and many people travel with kids in tow. Of course it's harder no doubt, but do-able.
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14-03-2015 11:37 #5
Book a contiki tour or something then have a baby!! You can travel with kids.
There is no right time.
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14-03-2015 11:39 #6Senior Member
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I travelled with my now exh before we had kids . Actually I came home pregnant with my now DS19. It was the best thing we did. We were away 6 months and had the best time. I was 23 when I had my first and am glad I got to travel before kids .
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14-03-2015 11:42 #7
I strongly recommend travelling first.
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14-03-2015 11:44 #8
I think it comes down to what you want more. Do you want to travel? Or feel like you should? Most travelling can be done with kids in tow or later in life.
I became a mother in my thirties and spent my twenties travelling a lot. I don't see motherhood as the end of my travels. I just need to take a hiatus :-)
It sounds like from your post what you want most is a family.
14-03-2015 11:52 #9
Thanks for the responses, everyone!
I actually don't have a burning desire to travel at the moment. But I guess I am worried that if I don't, I will regret it later in life. DH said he'd love to see Europe but "if we don't, it doesn't matter, we can go later in life." So I guess neither of us have a burning desire to travel at this point.
Having said that though, I don't want to have regrets! Maybe we could book a mini-Euro holiday (2-3 weeks) and start TTC a little before then. Would it be terrible if I was travelling while slightly pregnant?!
14-03-2015 11:55 #10
Do you really yearn to travel? Remember you can still holiday with kids, it might just have to be a bit cheaper for the early years, depending on if / when you return to work.
My husband and I had no desire to travel so fell pregnant at 22 and had my daughter at 23. It was the best decision for us.
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