Not sure where to put this post. I may have PND. I may just be lonely or going through a hard time, but I'd love to figure out how to connect with some hubbers who are doing this family thing without their own family around to help? We have 3 kids and I've not worked for 8 years. DD2 aged 9 months wasn't planned and I'm very much out of sync with my friends who's kids are all at school. There's sooooo much to do with 3 kids, I never get a break and sometimes only leave the house to do school runs or grocery shopping. My family are in Ireland, I love Australia but I miss my mum and sister a lot. I'm not a single parent but at the same time I know that if I don't pick my kids up from school noone else will. If I don't make sure to fit in washing their clothes, shopping and making lunches and dinners, there will be no food and dirty clothes. during the week dp just works. I used to be on hubbub lots and birth clubs etc but I felt I didn't have the time anymore, there is too much to do in a day around baby care, but I miss that connection even though it's with people I don't know. Ugh really better get washing on....
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04-03-2015 12:58 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
How to start a thread for mums/dads without family / support around??
04-03-2015 13:07 #2
hi freyamum. im wondering what you were wanting to say in this thread.?? do you want to start like a support group, ? where local members can give each other a hand now and then? or a group for chatting and just sharing the day to day routine?? is there a Sydney local group?? good luck, marie.
04-03-2015 13:10 #3
I'm in a bit of the same boat. My family are interstate (not easily visitable) and DH has no family, or the little family he does have are overseas and haven't had anything to do with us. It's a tough gig, especially when other friends get to have date nights and you think about how the last date night you had was in 2010..
I realised that sanity comes before washing. Sometimes you just need to chat - so do it!
PM me if you feel like a chat
04-03-2015 14:00 #4
We are in the same boat. We had our first baby on October last year. We have no family here to help. I have some elderly grandparents and aunts but I can't really ring them to come look after DD while I go to work or whatever. We recently did an epic road trip to visit all our parents. It took a week and a half. They all live in different places and might as well be overseas. I wish my parents and sisters were closer but it's just not possible with DH's job.
04-03-2015 14:17 #5
It's really tough not having family around and it easy to feel bitter towards others and think how lucky they are when they can pop around to their mums house to drop kids off for an hour etc. I just moved from UK 2 months ago and have a 15 month old and another due in June. Me and DH have no family here and no friends really either. The only people I know are mums who I've started meeting at baby groups. It's so frustrating that I literally can't do anything without ds1. Any doctors or hosp appointments etc he has to come along to and I'm already stressing out about who is going to look after him when I have second baby. My mum is planning to visit for few weeks so hopefully will be here but what if I go into labour early? I'll have to do it alone as we literally have no option for my little boy other than my husband staying with him. I can't expect people who I've known for a couple of weeks and have met him on a few occasions to look after him especially with their own children and he doesn't go to daycare yet. Its so daunting being on your own and I completely understand why you would be feeling lonely. Being a mum is so full time and sometimes you really need a break for just a few hours. The way I get through it is to stop thinking about how jealous I am of people with their families around and remind myself that I'm not alone and there are so many people like you and me in same situation. If they can get on with it then so can I and there is no point wishing things were different. I also have to try and remember all the things that would probably annoy the hell out of me if i did live close to family and that often helps!
I think being able to talk about your worries and feelings helps so feel free to vent on here. I often get down if I've had an argument with hubby for example and feel that I have nobody to talk to as I don't want to stress my family out so often feel very alone. I know you don't have much time but I think talking to people on here will help and try to stay positive. X
04-03-2015 14:20 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2014
Also in the same boat.
I find it really hard around Xmas, Easter when everyone gets together with their extended families etc.
I also have 3 children. My oldest is at kinder and I can't seem to find the time to chat to all the mums that socialise outside afterward. It's so hard when you drop one off and you still have two with you. I feel like I can't get a word in edgeways with my 2 year old nagging at me and or my bub needs feeding/ changing.
And would love a night out but how do you find someone you trust to leave your children with?
04-03-2015 14:26 #7
We're the same. It was really noticeable when dh was in hospital. There was no one else around to look after the boys even for a short while. We tried having an Au Pair but I think our boys were too young.
04-03-2015 14:36 #8
I'm also in the same boat.. I'm a single mum. Ex moved down to Brisbane, all my family are in and around Melbourne. I live in Queensland. I do have a couple of fabulous friends, but they're not quite the same as family, as lovely as they are..
04-03-2015 14:37 #9Junior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
I'm in the boat too!!
We had to move away for DH job and have no family here, or friends really. DH has his work colleagues to socialiae with but I've only got him, and our 2+3 year old girls. I'm currently 34+4 pregnant and have to take the girls everywhere with me, antenatal apps etc. They will also have to come to the hospital with us when I go into labour...it's hard but we do what needs to be done and it is easy to get bitter towards those that have heaps of family and friends to help out but, what doesn't hurt us makes us stronger, and I love the closeness I have with the girls.
04-03-2015 16:10 #10
I may not be much help. I am in the same boat in regards to living remote and away from family but I actually like it. while we love visiting our families in Perth we love that we live away, we don't live in each others pockets and they can't interfere with raising our kids. Until a year ago dh worked fifo and I worked 4 days a week with 2 kids to run around after, basically it was like I was a single mum when he was away but I managed just fine. Now dh is home every night and we have 3 kids but he is such a hands on dad, we share every duty equally so I guess that makes it easier. I also have a good circle of friends which I know I could call on in times of need and vice versa as many of them also have no family here. There has been a few emergencies where we have called on each other. I started off involving myself in playgroup and mothers group and talk to the mums at school and daycare. That is how I have found good friends.
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