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  1. #1
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    Default Vent..

    My DD is 18 months and we are expecting our second bub in April. For some time now I have bern feeling pretty crappy I don't know if its just me but I feel like I don't know who I am as a person/individual. Im a mum and wife but feel like ive lost me somewhere along the line. I know my emotions are running high but Its really starting to get to me..
    It would be nice to chat to others about this..

  2. #2
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    Big hugs! I feel like this every single day. I mean to be fair, I didn't really know me before kids, so I wasted my opportunities to create a stronger identity before having kids, which makes it so much harder now I have kids to feel anything other than a wife and mother as that is now my life 24/7 especially as I'm breastfeeding a 5MO DS. I'm tied to him.

    So I can't offer advice, I can just sympathise as I feel the same

  3. #3
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    You basically took the words out of my mouth.. It really gets to me and its getting worse. I just want something for me, if that makes sense. I often wonder how some mums do it all but I know I shouldn't compain..

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    I have felt much the same in the past, still do some days! I have a 2.5yo DS and pregnant with #2. I have found that keeping busy with things I enjoy help, such as sewing, planning our renovations, getting out of the house with DS. When we have more money (hopefully soon!) I am going to make an effort for DH and I to do more things as a couple such as going to see a musical or going out to dinner/movies. We also take a fun family trip each month such as a theme park, playground, beach etc. if we didn't live in the middle of nowhere I would be taking classes for yoga, craft making classes, workshops etc. I plan to do this in the future when we move.
    Hope this helped! I think the main point I'm trying to make is, maybe try and figure out what you enjoy and do more of it, take some classes, take time for yourself, visit friends etc.

  5. #5
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    I felt like this with my daughter. I thought I would be back at work when she turned 1 but her health issues kept me home with her until she was 2 and a few months.
    It doesn't seem like long but I was getting very depressed and really lacked any self esteem. I wouldn't change it. . Everything I sacrificed in that time made her progress so well. Things could have been very different for her if I hadn't been able to be so attentive with her therapies and Dr's appointments.
    I've returned to work this year and feel so much better about myself. My sense of identity has returned and I feel like I'm a real person. Though I must admit juggling my career and her care is really hard.
    I know work isn't for every mum.... But it certainly helped me feel better about myself. Plus I love love love my job as a teacher.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamtam View Post
    I know work isn't for every mum.... But it certainly helped me feel better about myself.
    I really agree with this. If you're someone that really enjoyed work pre-kids, maybe once #2 arrives and is a few months old, you could look for some casual or part-time work. I know I became a much happier mum by returning to work when my daughter was 6 months old.

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    Tamtam  (03-03-2015)

  8. #7
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    Hi there, I don't have any children yet but I can say that I think some people take longer than others to gain a strong sense of self identity and for me it wasn't until I was in my late 20's and early 30's that I started to feel confident (only the last few years).

    One thing that really bothered me was I didn't have any 'likes' 'interests' or 'hobbies' and wouldn't know really how to introduce myself or describe myself in an even slightly interesting way.

    I have found one thing that has really helped is that now when I do see something I like, a picture, a tv show, something I like to do or experience, I tell myself, that is me, I like that, that is my style, I add it to my list of 'self identification factors', not that I have an actual list, but as you find things it is good to recognise them. Things like Pinterest have really helped this too so if you don't have a Pinterest account, I suggest starting one up and over the months and years you will see there is stuff that is totally you and you can quickly be reminded of these types of things by popping into your Pinterest or other equivalent bank of ideas, pics etc to remember your style of self.

    Don't put to much pressure on yourselves! Good luck with it all


 

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