My husband has been different for the last 2 weeks. Not his usual self. Shut off. Blank. No emotion. Non communicative. Easily agitated. Not helping me with home duties, just sits there on the couch doing zap.
I've noticed this change in the last 2 weeks and I have been trying to get him to talk to me about it, but he just says I'm fine, or nothing is wrong. It's very difficult to have a conversation with him as he gives short responses.
So today it came to a bit of a head when we were driving into work together. I basically called his bluff & told him I think something is wrong & that his "blank wall" is effecting me & our daughter. I told him he needs help. He admitted something is wrong, that he feels flat & he doesn't know why. I guess he didn't have much choice as we were bailed up in the car !
There is a strong history of depression & mental health issues in his family, so it's not taboo for us to talk about this topic. But he does avoid the discussion & will never admit he needs help. He has never received help as far as I'm aware. He is stubborn & doesn't like to talk about his feelings.
So my question is, how can I help him? I believe he needs to go and see his gp for a referral to a psychologist. But how can I help him do this without making him feel like he is being forced to do it?
I'm not about to give him an ultimatum, but at the same time something has to change. It is not healthy.
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25-02-2015 11:31 #1
I think my husband is depressed, how can I help him?
25-02-2015 11:53 #2
Look up Mensline
My DP was a victim of an assault recently and they called him after being referred by the police. DP has been going through a tough patch and it did actually seem to help to have a chat with the guy who rang. It's a bit less full on than going to a psychologist first up.
25-02-2015 12:09 #3
25-02-2015 19:33 #4
It's tricky to explore the subject. Most people don't like to admit their might be something 'wrong' with them.
We had a similar issue a few yrs ago with myself and df. His mood was so flat and low and he just wasn't himself. I didn't know where my happy go lucky guy went and thought for a long time he wasn't happy in our relationship.
Eventually I did the same as you and just said - wtf? I can't keep playing this game where we all pretend everything is fine. It's clearly not and it's affecting everyone in the family.
He confessed he had been feeling like your dh and didn't know what to do.
I called our gp and made an appointment to get a mental health plan. Which meant we got up to 10 Medicare rebated appointments each year.
I told him I loved him-good and bad and assured him I didn't care what the issue was and why I just wanted him to be happy and he clearly isn't ATM. So I didn't mind if he resented me for it at the time, he would thank me later. But I booked the app and told him under no circumstance was he to miss the appointment.
He was actually very relived that I listened and took positive action.
We got the plan and a referal to a psych. I let him attend the appointments and didn't harass him to ask what they spoke about and so on. I tried to let him know that if he wanted to talk he could but I wasn't going to pressure him.
He ended up on antidepressants and continues to see his psych on a regular basis. I try not to make a big deal of it. I couldn't think of anything worse than to have someone asking me every day 'how I feel' or 'am I ok today' etc. It was prob a bit blunt but it's who I am- I told df I wasn't going to treat him any different. He still had to be apart of the family and pull his weight but if it all got too much then all he had to do was say so.
I think he was lucky that his psych is pretty chilled and they don't do the whole 'tell me how you feel' chat. They mostly just talk about his work and home and anything that's bothering him. It seemed just having a safe place to talk about whatever he wanted really helped.
It has also made be more aware of how his behaviour changes and how I can help. When he is overwhelmed i will book a massage for him. Or just make arrangements on the weekend to take the kids out with me so he can have some quality Xbox time etc. he doesn't ask for it so I tend to have to push him into some 'me time' to help him relax and unwind.
27-02-2015 13:24 #5
Thanks @MadeWithLove I've spoken with Dh again, I actually got him to read an article on men's depression. It mentioned some symptoms that I believe he is displaying. Anyway, he completely disagreed & told me he doesn't think he has depression right now. We had a good chat about a few things going on at the moment which was good. So not much I can do right now for someone who won't help themselves. I'll keep an eye on him & keep talking to him, see how we go. Thanks everyone.
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27-02-2015 14:30 #6
hi snooze, does he have family close by, or a good mate, he might be willing to spend some time with. ?? often men just like to go fishing with a mate and talk whatever bulldust, and they will magically feel better afterwards. that is why the concept of 'men's shed' has been so popular. I hope this all works out for you both. marie
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