So, I did it. I went to the GP. I started by telling her about the chest pain I've been having and the horrible headaches. She's a new doctor to me but she must be pretty cluey because she was soon asking me about anxiety etc. I broke down and told her that I've been suffering horribly in silence. The PND and anxiety has gotten so bad I'm barely functioning each day. She's put together a mental health review and a referral to a new psychologist as I didn't like the original one. She's also given me a script for antidepressants. I'm to go back this afternoon for an ECG to make sure it is anxiety related and not a heart issue. The wheels are in motion BUT....
I have no idea how to raise this subject with DP or anyone else in my life. I feel like I can't tell him I'm going to take AD without him dismissing it and telling me I don't need that rubbish. Ditto for everyone else but I'm as not as concerned about everyone else just yet as I don't have to live with them. I don't know how to broach this subject and have him take the issue and me seriously. I feel like he is going to be anti-AD. This is causing me even more anxiety. Any advice?
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19-02-2015 13:20 #1
Advice on how to do this.
19-02-2015 13:34 #2
Firstly well done in seeking some help, I think that is a huge step to take!
I am trying to think how you can broach the subject with your DP, is there any reason you think he'll be against the meds or is it just a general feeling? It's hard for people who haven't experienced this to know how it feels and understand how much you need to take those medications and I don't know about you but I found it just as hard to try and explain it. Has he noticed that you are not okay?
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19-02-2015 13:35 #3
Massive hugs!! Well done on going to the dr! I totally understand how hard it is...
Has your DP said something in past about taking AD's?
Would you consider taking him with you for an appt with dr and letting her explain? He may have a better understanding that way.
Honestly it isn't anyones business you don't want it to be, friends and family don't have to know unless YOU want them to know.
Good luck with your follow up this afternoon x
19-02-2015 13:38 #4
I just get a feeling that he is against that sort of thing. I think he knows I've not been myself, but I don't know how much notice he's really taken. He works such long hours, I guess he just figures I'm tired each night?
I don't know, I really just don't feel like he would encourage me and I feel like I will have to fight him and justify it somehow if that makes sense?
19-02-2015 13:40 #5
Advice on how to do this.
Massive hugs. I had severe PND and nearly ended up in hospital. The only thing that worked was the anti depressants, they started working within a week, although for me it took about 4 months to feel like I was remotely back to myself. Each week I could just feel the depression cloud lifting slowly but surely. I, like you, could barely function. I have massive sympathy for you as it is a horrible feeling. However, it will get better! I am now pregnant again and feeling fabulous, and off anti depressants for over a year. You will get there, but take the anti depressants please. Tell you husband It is just fixing a chemical imbalance in your brain caused by post partum hormones. It is like needing insulin for a diabetic. Hopefully your husband will surprise you and be a great support. Maybe you could print some information on post partum depression for you to read together. Some people seem to need to be educated that depression is a medical illness rather than "feeling sad". Good luck!
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19-02-2015 13:50 #6
When I was diagnosed after having dd1, dh told me it was a load of rubbish (although not so nicely), and i just need to snap out of it. He didn't understand. So I suffered alone. When it reared its ugly head when i was pregnant with dd3, i spilled everything to him about just how bad things were both back when i was first diagnosed and also while i was pregnant with dd3. He still didn't understand but also didn't realise just how dark a place i was in. So he came to an appointment with me. He listened while I expressed my thoughts and it scared him. Then my mental health nurse explained to him that this wasn't something I could control, nor cure. That with the right medication and support I could MANAGE it, but that it would always be something I live with. She stressed to him the importance of a strong support network, and that as my husband, he plays a major part in that. And since that day, although he still doesn't understand depression or how someone could want to willingly end their life, he supports me. He listens when I need to talk, he holds me when i need to cry. When I need to be alone he respects my space and when he knows I need a bit of support he is there. Even if its a phone call or text during the day to check how i am.
Could you maybe either give him some info to read or even ask your care provider to have a chat with him and explain what the illness means and its not just something you can shut off or snap out of?
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19-02-2015 14:05 #7
Maybe I need to explain in terms similar to how you all have. I guess it comes down to fear that he won't support me. I'm not sure if that fear is founded but I guess I will find out. Everything feels a bit surreal at the moment and I think I will just take one step at a time. Thanks ladies, you all put yourselves out there telling your story and I appreciate that.
26-02-2015 18:24 #8Junior Member
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- Feb 2015
Not sure where youre based I would recommend even speaking or looking up the White Cloud Foundation who work with QUT about PND etc. Specifically for parents etc. And I'm pretty sure they are free. Theres also nutritionists and Ex Phys available for free too to help with a holistic plan.
Have you read the happiness trap - I started reading it on recommendation of my psyc, it was a bit annoying the way its written but the actual activities are good with practical advice. theres a second book too, but I cant remember what its called :S
26-02-2015 18:39 #9
I'm so glad you sought help @HeavenBlue! I know you've been struggling for a while now.
My advice would be pick your words carefully in the way you explain it to your DH - 'I've decided to xyz because...and I need you to xyz. Would you be willing to do that?'
That's a good question to ask because if he is unwilling to support you in whatever you ask ie keep any negative opinions to himself, cook tea every night, then he is forced to articulate why.
Good luck, and we are always here for you x
26-02-2015 19:22 #10
Advice on how to do this.
Thanks @harvs and everyone else that commented. It's been around a week since I posted this thread and what a doozy of a week it's been. I'm sorry/not sorry I sought help but there has been some crazy repercussions.
The GP called me the Friday afternoon to ask me how I was going and to tell me she had referred me to the mental health team at the hospital. She said they would call on Saturday to make a time to talk to me. I said great, thanks. I still hadn't discussed anything with DP at this stage and was planning to do so on the Saturday night over dinner when we were relaxed.
Saturday rolls around and we are MIL's house. My phone rings and it is MH. They say hi Heaven, where are you? We are outside of your house knocking. WTF?!?!? I tell them I'm not home and try to discuss the situation as best I can without the whole family hearing my conversation and giving away too much information. They tell me that they will return Sunday. I tell them no as I am freaking out completely. DP asks about it and I tell him I'll explain later. So I had to tell him everything whilst trying to drive home.
Sunday and Monday passes and they call me around midday on Tuesday and tell me they are on their way out. I tell them I can't as I'm literally walking out the door. They say that's fine, can we visit in the PM? I say not tonight as my mother will be visiting and I don't want to concern her but make arrangements for Wednesday PM.
So it's still Tuesday and mum is holding ds and the doorbell rings. It's MH!! I tell them no I'm not available in the most inconspicuous way I can. They keep insisting that they are meant to be here. Eventually the penny drops and they realize their records say Wednesday. I say thanks and go to close the door. The lady stops me and says 'so how are you feeling today?' Are you serious woman?!?! What of my privacy? They don't know who I had in my home at the time!
So yesterday, being Wednesday I try to mentally gear myself up to have MH In my home at any moment while I try to do dinner, bath & bedtime with DS. I was in full anxiety mode, hyper vigilant and looking out the window every 3 seconds. 5 o'clock, 6....7 .... 8pm. They never arrived!!
So I've gone from the darkest depression last week, into full blown anxiety because of a team that is supposed to be easing my burden. I've not suffered anxiety this severe in years.
There was no communication from them today. Whilst I'm glad for that, what sort of show are these people running?!
So I had an appointment with a psychologist today and told her everything. She said she was going to try to call MH for me and assure them they don't need to pursue contact with me any further.
This honestly feels like a bad dream. No wonder people don't seek help. I'm unfortunately sorry that I did.
Sorry for the novel.
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