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  1. #1
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    Default Dealing with hubby being away

    Hi everyone

    I'm sure it sounds really selfish talking about being alone when so many others do it tougher

    But I'm really struggling every time DH goes away for work (which can be unpredictable and very frequent).

    I suffer from mental illness and due to being pregnant, I can't take any medication. I sink into quite deep depressions when DH leaves and have panic attacks about horrible things happening etc.

    I'm not sure how to get through it and is seems to be better harder each time.

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    In June when he gets home, hubby will have been away for 13 months of the last 15 months. I was very depressed at first but now i find keeping myself busy helps. I focus on my study and keep in touch with friends alot more. He is due home when im 36 weeks so will have had almost my entire preg alone! Its really awful, but i really think the solution is to get a hobby you love. Go swimming at the pool, sew clothes for bubs, organise your cupboards...just keep busy.

    Look forward to the home times i hope your ok xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    Depending on your DH's job is it possible him to ask his boss not to go away as much while you're pregnant and off your medication? My hubby is in the Army and I had some pretty rough pregnancies so his boss reduced his time away until the babies were born.
    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    Apart from that is there another way you could get support and reassurance while he's away? Have you thought about hiring a student midwife or doula?
    Hi

    Thanks for replying

    We own our own business and so far it's just h going away for work and me working 3 days elsewhere plus 2 days for our business. So we can't reduce his work


    I thought about the student midwife etc, but my trouble is usually at night when DS (14 yo) goes to bed. I just break down, I fall apart. I don't want DS to see this and I don't want to stress DH while he is away working so hard.

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    So I didn't think it would work, calling a student midwife at all hours of the night. I'm not sleeping well and I'm worried about the effect on baby as well as my mental health.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    In June when he gets home, hubby will have been away for 13 months of the last 15 months. I was very depressed at first but now i find keeping myself busy helps. I focus on my study and keep in touch with friends alot more. He is due home when im 36 weeks so will have had almost my entire preg alone! Its really awful, but i really think the solution is to get a hobby you love. Go swimming at the pool, sew clothes for bubs, organise your cupboards...just keep busy.

    Look forward to the home times i hope your ok xx
    See, you are all so wonderful/logical dealing with it, and you haven't/don't see your DH's for months/years. That's why I have this guilt on top, I should be able to deal with a few weeks/months etc, but I'm falling apart.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amgine View Post
    See, you are all so wonderful/logical dealing with it, and you haven't/don't see your DH's for months/years. That's why I have this guilt on top, I should be able to deal with a few weeks/months etc, but I'm falling apart.
    Dont be silly!!!

    I spent a good three months slothed on the couch depressed and crying at the drop of a hat! You just need to find your groove girl

    Maybe go for a walk in the mornings and appreciate the sunrise everyday? Or start a new book series to keep your mind active when you start to feel sad! I learnt to feel better, it didnt just happen overnight. I had to force myself...when i got to breaking point i just woke up one day and realised i didnt want to waste precious days on the earth feeling like crap, so i tried to find the good things...a nice breeze, a pretty view. Being preggo has helped too as i mainly think about bubs. And remember your DH misses you as much as you miss him

    Dont feel guilty, its bloody hard!

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Dont be silly!!!

    I spent a good three months slothed on the couch depressed and crying at the drop of a hat! You just need to find your groove girl

    Maybe go for a walk in the mornings and appreciate the sunrise everyday? Or start a new book series to keep your mind active when you start to feel sad! I learnt to feel better, it didnt just happen overnight. I had to force myself...when i got to breaking point i just woke up one day and realised i didnt want to waste precious days on the earth feeling like crap, so i tried to find the good things...a nice breeze, a pretty view. Being preggo has helped too as i mainly think about bubs. And remember your DH misses you as much as you miss him

    Dont feel guilty, its bloody hard!
    Thank you so much for being so understanding.

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    Oh hun it is so hard when they go away especially the first few months to a year.. It's a huge adjustment and being pregnant on your own would be tough. This does get easier though. You learn to cope and adjust. When DH first started going away, I was a mess. Everything would go wrong when he'd leave from the 4 girls getting sick to car accidents etc. Now that we are a few years in, it's just a part of life! I did find by keeping myself continually busy and our daughters busy, the time away and loneliness at night eased. I don't work but I keep my days full of outings and exercise and leave my nights to clean and catch up on shows then head to bed.
    DH has been away for a few weeks and his plane has finally landed just now. Awesome way to spend our wedding anniversary waiting for him to come out argh..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Amgine View Post
    See, you are all so wonderful/logical dealing with it, and you haven't/don't see your DH's for months/years. That's why I have this guilt on top, I should be able to deal with a few weeks/months etc, but I'm falling apart.
    Don't feel that way, your feelings are completely valid regardless of what other people deal with.

    Until just recently my DH was working away - 2 weeks on, 1 week off. He had been doing that since before we met. It got harder and harder for both of us. I know people who's husbands work away for 4 weeks at a time, but that doesn't make my feelings invalid or less than theirs.

    The way I found I could struggle through is by having a routine where I did something different each day. I even planned each day he was going to be away on a calendar - and I made it different to our usual routine when he was home. It seemed to make the time go faster. I had exercise classes, nights where I planned to watch certain movies or read books etc. I even found a couple of nice cafés around me and went there to read a book and eat cake! I almost had a little list in my head of things I loved doing when no-one else was around - that way, when he left I had activities I was at least looking forward to. Avoid things you know make you feel sad (for me this meant avoiding doing things we really enjoy doing together - that would always make me miss DH more. Even down to not watching TV shows we usually watch together! You've got to find what works for you).

    Do you enjoy seeing friends? Do you have friends who might understand and be up for an after dinner visit some nights? I understand how it feels, I suffer depression too, and it often feels like it's all too hard to make the effort, but if you can force yourself to, it does help.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyG4 View Post
    Oh hun it is so hard when they go away especially the first few months to a year.. It's a huge adjustment and being pregnant on your own would be tough. This does get easier though. You learn to cope and adjust. When DH first started going away, I was a mess. Everything would go wrong when he'd leave from the 4 girls getting sick to car accidents etc. Now that we are a few years in, it's just a part of life! I did find by keeping myself continually busy and our daughters busy, the time away and loneliness at night eased. I don't work but I keep my days full of outings and exercise and leave my nights to clean and catch up on shows then head to bed.
    DH has been away for a few weeks and his plane has finally landed just now. Awesome way to spend our wedding anniversary waiting for him to come out argh..
    Thank you for your support!!

    Just having you all listen takes such a weight off my shoulders.

    My hubby just landed in WA.

    Wow! Happy anniversary!! Those planes take so long to disembark when you are waiting for them to get to you!

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