The problem is that , legally, it is only DH who is liable for any costs. But because of all the activities and expectations, I am paying for them too. Now, I don't actually mind as I view it as 'our' money, but their mother expects it. And that is ridiculous. It is just not sustainable. Hence the lawyer.
Yes, we also told her that we would no longer be covering costs at her house, as she does not cover anything at ours during our time with them.
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16-02-2015 09:42 #11
16-02-2015 09:43 #12
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16-02-2015 09:43 #13
I think you are doing so much for the kids. Good luck with new bubs too
16-02-2015 09:44 #14
She wants them to do it, because she thinks they want it.
Don't get me wrong, they are all activities the kids have expressed an interest in, but there is just too many! They are exhausted and sick all the time.
16-02-2015 09:48 #15
16-02-2015 09:49 #16Senior Member
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Maybe a compromise on their activities? One primary activity a year (so music lessons) and one other per term if they want, which they can change each term if they want to.
I wouldn't be able to attend a before school music lesson if I was that exhausted either. Waking up would be hard enough. So maybe before canceling the classes, reduce what she's doing. It might be she's not making her classes and instead opting to sleep in.
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16-02-2015 09:50 #17
16-02-2015 09:52 #18Senior Member
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- Aug 2013
wow thats crazy, the poor kids... can you , your DH and the EXW to mediation and discuss it all with a 3rd party? i know how heated things can get and we found mediation to nut out the issues really helpful.. we both wanted different things and in the end we compromised and its worked well since.. (although i cant wait until the end of this year and i dont have to deal with him as much lol)... I really think the kids need to have more down time... has anyone asked them how they feel about the activities? This would be good for mediation, get the person to talk to the kids about it , as kids will often tell a parent what they think they want to hear - does that make sense?
16-02-2015 09:53 #19
We are thinking of suggesting that they continue with swimming and two other activities. So, 3 each.
ETA: we do not want to encourage the per term thing, as it would be a nightmare. They both are very 'in the now' kids. So, we would rather they do activities they actually want to do, rather than whatever takes their fancy.
Plus, it's hard to budget for activities without knowing what they are doing, and it takes them months to decide that, yes, they do want to do that.
Last edited by DT75; 16-02-2015 at 10:05.
16-02-2015 10:00 #20
DH has always said that she will never get anything legalised because then she has to be held to things, and she likes things to go her way.
I never entirely believed it until this last year.
I have asked them a few times (they have always been brutally honest with me, whereas with their mum and dad, they say what they think is right at the tme). They both love all the activities, but they agree that they are tired. DSS says it's too hard to choose between them and wants us to do it, and DSD gets upset- while she knows she can't keep doing this many, she loves them all.
I fear our only option is to say we will pay for half of these 3 (swimming for both, music for both, and another they can pick) and the rest is up to her.
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