Ds is in grade prep and we started a reward chart at home. If he's had a day with no incidence (he has issues with pushing others, hitting and being too hands on), then he'll get a star at home. The only thing is,everyday there seems to be an incident. I'm about to see a GP about whether or not there is something else wrong because he is very impulsive and has trouble joining in play appropriately.
The problem with the reward chart is (maybe), if something happens at school in the morning, then he'll know he's not going to get a star at home, therefore this might make him more anxious, therefore play up more. What do you think?
Reasons I'm thinking this is because as soon as I picked him up today and spoke to his teacher he said to me "No star today".
Do you think I should ask the teacher to tell me/give me a brief list of the positives, eg: shared with Tom, quiet at group time, packed up rubbish etc and I'll give him a star at home to reward him for those things. If there was an incident or incidents then we can talk about why it was wrong etc, but still get a star for the good things??
I'm a little confused.
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10-02-2015 18:24 #1
Reward chart help. Please help parents and teachers.
10-02-2015 18:28 #2
I definitely agree with what you're saying, is the reward system at school a sliding scale? Like can he go up and down the chart depending on his behaviour throughout the day? My DS1 had some issues with unreasonable expectations from him teacher last year and we briefly tried to do the same sort of thing you're doing but it didnt work because his chart at school wasnt a sliding scale so if he made a bad decision he had no chance to improve on it throughout the day and he gave up.
I definitely think trying to talk to him avout the positive things he did throughout the day is an excellent idea, I am a bit believer in positive reinforcement.
10-02-2015 18:40 #3
He needs to be rewarded at school in smaller increments. At that age every hour - awesome job you kept you hands to yourself - here's a star. Rather than a chart at home a home/school communication book where he is positively rewarded each hour eg 9-10 - star, 10-11 - star and yet should be set out like s timetable with a space for a star and at the bottom a teacher comment and parent comment. Regular intervals on positive reinforcement in prep will work better and then you can gradually make the intervals longer. All day waiting for a star or not waiting is very long for a preppy.
10-02-2015 18:47 #4
In the classrooms I have taught in, I have worked with the parents to have a rewards charts broken down into sections. So 9am-11am, 11am-1pm, 1pm-3pm etc so it also goes home.
I start out with small reward first. So if there is 6 time slots, I would expect that he would be rewarded for 3stars over the day, and gradually work at increasing it. No child is wonderful the whole day.
In the time slots, I also have an area where I write the good things that the child has done. It does take some work though but the way it works positively is brilliant and so rewarding for the child. It also show consistency between home and school.
10-02-2015 18:56 #5
So if an incident occurs, but he still received a star at school for something positive, I could still give him a start at home?
Should I make up a chart to send to the teacher daily that she can fill out and return to me? Their day is broken up:
So maybe she could comment on at least one positive thing (obviously it could be more) and then maybe a section down the bottom for any incidence?
Would the star go on the school chart or chart/sheet sent home?
10-02-2015 19:01 #6
I would have it as a shared home/school initiative, so a book that goes to school and home.
I don't believe a school should punish for things that happen at home and vice versa home should not punish for things at school - it should be timely feedback - so a book for school feedback which you can then talk about is a great way to reinforce the good stuff that has happened during the day - focus on that.
10-02-2015 19:06 #7
I think the teacher might have a reward chart up on the wall, so should I ask her to just put comments in the book or comments and his star in the book?
Hopefully it all works out, she seems like a supportive teacher. Just youngish so maybe not much experience in these situations??
10-02-2015 19:09 #8
Reward chart help. Please help parents and teachers.
Boys in particular and all children of that age don't have that whole day concept. It is too much for him. I agree with breaking into smaller parts.
Also, I would allow one mistake in a day ('mis' take as in take 1, take 2 etc) if he has had a natural consequence. Perhaps there can be a lower level of reward for either getting through all school or all home with only one misstep in the day? Otherwise, as you say, if he blows it in the morning then he's done for the day. It's like when you eat the whole block of chocolate because you've blown the diet with one square (or is it just me?)...
I've been following your posts also, and just wanted to say please give your DS a bit of time to adjust to school. Some kids take a LOT of time, and their attitude to school/learning is established very early in their schooling life. Keep the home routines as stable as you possibly can so he can anchor himself to something. Good luck :-)
ETA I just reread your OP and I wanted to say all the behaviours you've described are things I would consider normal at this age. That's not to say they are to be tolerated, but I wouldn't worry too much yet. Youngish/newish teachers often tend to go straight to rewards charts, but there is very little point with a lack of impulse control. I think she should be explicitly trying to help him to learn that skill (with rewards chart as well if she likes). I guarantee he's not the only one.
Last edited by harvs; 10-02-2015 at 19:12.
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10-02-2015 19:14 #9
Also when he gets picked up - focus on the "best part of my day was...."
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13-02-2015 14:49 #10
So yesterday we tried the communication book. On the first day he received two positive comments and quite a few incidents. It was great to be able to go through the book with DS.
Today I'm disappointed because she didn't have the book ready for me to collect. She said it was "full on" and didn't have time.
I told her that when I return to work, I need to have the book returned because I won't be picking him up.
She said he did well on his writing and tried hard at his maths and told him during the day. I can't understand why she can't quickly note that down in the book, even quickly during her lunch break (hey, I'm a teacher too and working on my break for a few minutes to help a student is apart of the job).
As for incidents, she said lots of impulsive hands on, so random hitting. She said around 4 incidents. Is that so bad over 6 hours, lol.
Ps- she said she could ring me, but I would rather the book to look through with him.
Also I feel like I'm making him worse. Too much pressure now?
Last edited by 2BlueBirds; 13-02-2015 at 15:12.
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