I'm in the middle of a really awkward situation with a friend. I left my baby with her for 30 minutes while I ducked out. When I returned she told me that he had cried and wouldn't take his dummy so she had put honey on it. The way she spoke was as if she knew it was the wrong thing to do. My baby is 4mths old and is breastfed only, he has not started solids yet. My reaction was pretty calm but I said "Whaaat??? Don't give him honey" I think I looked as horrified as I felt. I quickly made polite conversation and left. It was extremely awkward. I was upset not just because it was honey but because he was given something without my permission but had decided that there was no point making a fuss. She then messaged and asked was he alright and I told her yes but explained that there is a risk of infant botulism when fed honey before 12 months so I was a little worried. She then sent me a crazy message saying not to leave him with her again cause she can't be trusted, which I ignored. Then she sent another message telling me she was having the honey sent off to a lab for testing and that she had called poisons hotline ect ect. I decided to ignore her as I was busy and didn't have time for the drama. The next day she sent me a few 1000 word txt messages rambling about the low risks of honey. I replied and told her that I was upset even though I know the risks are low but that i would have been upset if she had given him anything without asking. I told her that it was an awkward situation and that I think we should leave it be and move on for friendship sake. I then recieved more lengthy txt messages rambling about the low risks and how she didn't think she had taken any liberties and that she had to stop him crying because I hadnt left him any milk (I was gone 30 minutes and he wasn't due for a feed) she also mentioned that we both have issues with each other's parenting style (which I was unaware of) and that she didn't think there was any coming back from this. I was annoyed about the honey but I didn't make a scene or a big deal about it and her reaction has just blown me out of the water. She messaged me today to ask how he was. Not really sure where to go from here, any advice?
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05-02-2015 14:55 #1Junior Member
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05-02-2015 15:06 #2
I'd move on with life tbh. Is this really the kind of person you want to be friends with? She sounds awfully exhausting to deal with.
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05-02-2015 15:07 #3
my advice would be ... talk to her.
Actually talk. not by text.
things get misinterpreted and blown way out of proportion when its by text ... you imagine all kinds of reactions the other person is or might be having.
I too would be a bit upset about the honey - but like you say, there isnt anything you can do about it now so move on. Explain that to her and see if you guys can move past it
05-02-2015 15:09 #4
We all do parenting differently and we all have our own way of doing it. What is right with you others find wrong.
I'm sure back when we were babies our parents put honey on our dummy. There are wayyyyyy to many guild lines now and there forever changing them.
Maybe just send your friend a message stating how you feel and that you need some time (space)
And just in case have some milk there. For emergencies.
Babies do get separation anxiety, maybe that's what happened or bub was tired, teething, needed changing.
There are quiet a few things she could of tried.
But I would send a text and then have space, and tell her to put herself in your shoes.
05-02-2015 15:09 #5
I would call her and talk it through.
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05-02-2015 20:35 #6
OK, she's done the wrong thing and she's clearly demonstrated she feels awful. You're understandably upset. Do you want to ruin/end your friendship over it? That's what it basically comes down to.
She has no doubt been texting you constantly because she feels genuinely bad. She's checked a couple of times whether your little one is ok. Your lack of responses would be feeding her guilt.
Personally, I'd contact her and arrange to have a cuppa together. Talk it through face to face. Tell her you were worried and upset. Let her apologise and then move on.
Then again, if you don't want/value a relationship with her ... I guess not speaking to her will let your friendship run its course.
05-02-2015 21:40 #7Senior Member
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- Nov 2011
I would have done the same as you, told her why it was not a good idea and left it at that. But, the carry on from her afterwards? Ain't nobody got time for that. Who wants that kind of drama? I don't think I could stand being her friend anyway if she's like that all the time.
06-02-2015 05:58 #8
I would go and give her a hug tbh and reassure her. She sounds like she is really concerned and with you not answering her texts she has just gotten frantic. Poor woman needs some help to calm down.Pre children, I was watching a friend's son who I found eating newspaper when I went to the bathroom. It freaked me out and when my friend came back, I told her. She nodded and said 'Oh'. I then was worried but called her the next day to 'see how he was'. She laughed and said, 'he eats paper all the time. You should see his dirty nappies'. Would have helped if she'd told me that at the time!
06-02-2015 07:34 #9
Actually I feel for your friend. She clearly felt a bit desperate left with a baby she didn't know how to settle and dis something she had heard would work but probably wasn't sure about. She panicked. Then felt terrible when she saw how you reacted with confirmed her unsure feelings, then felt absolutely terrible by your ignoring her texts and she probably would herself into such a state which showed in her crazy rambling mega texts.
Honey isn't great for babies, we know that, and especially that she didn't check with you, so I get you're unhappy, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not terribly terribly bad and your child isnt harmed.
If you do like her, which you must as you left your baby with her, then go have a coffee, state that you're unhappy about the honey, please don't feed Bub again without checking first but that you've moved on, and it's ok, let's share a big piece of cake and laugh about it all in the future.
Sent from my C6603 using The Bub Hub mobile app
06-02-2015 07:45 #10
Whilst she did the wrong thing, I certainly also feel that you are going about it the wrong way also by just ignoring. Meet up with her OP and talk it out. You don't have to remain friends but don't leave it like this.
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