Hi All - I'm not pregnant yet, nor do I have any little ones, but I do plan on TTC around the end of next year (long time off, I know), but there is something that worries me a little.
I plan to formula feed from the start. I know I might change my mind when the time comes, but for now, this is what I've decided. I also want to go private for the pregnancy and birth.
What I'd like to know is, for the people who decided to formula feed from the beginning,when you had your baby, were the staff at the hospital understanding about your choice or did they try to force you to breastfeed? I've heard some pretty scary stories, including one where a midwife threatened to call CPS because a new mother preferred to formula feed!! (can't remember if it was due to problems or just because). I'm actually quite scared because of this.
My reason for not wanting to breastfeed is because I just don't feel like it's the right thing for me. And I would like to have one thing left for me because I feel it would make me a better mother. I have a really strong sense of personal space and the thought of having a child on the boob makes me really uncomfortable (I feel okay with the rest of the responsibilities). I know how incredibly selfish that sounds and I do feel bad even typing it. Maybe I'll change my mind, I don't know.
I guess I'm just worried about the whole thing. And I feel guilty. Yep, when I promised myself I never would I do. And the darn baby isn't even in my uterus yet.
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29-01-2015 13:15 #1
Formula feeding by choice
29-01-2015 14:14 #2
I know how you feel I felt like that for most of my life (when imagining the things I'd do as a parent). I found that when my first was born I was willing to give it a go, and although that didn't end up working for us I did breast feed my second for 4 months and it was great (very easy after it was established and it didn't intrude on my sense of personal space).
Try and keep an open mind about it, and research both options When you make your mind up just prepare for it, tell your midwives and be ready to take formula to the hospital (if that's how you decide).
I will say having kids of your own will change your mind about a lot of things Have a look at fearless formula feeders blog, it's really good
Don't feel guilty, even if you go the formula route there's nothing wrong with it (in fact it's a very close second ).
29-01-2015 14:25 #3
I FF my 3 from birth.
Yes the hospital staff will question your choice, but being firm with them that your mind is made up is usually enough. You will encounter midwives who will be b!tchy about it but you are only there a day or 2, and then you don't have to see them again!
One thing I noticed when my DD2 was born ( she is 5 now).was that there were plenty of FF in the hospital. The fridge had a whole shelf of bottles made up! Just remember you won't be the only one FFing, it's just that people don't talk about it due to the judgie ones!
29-01-2015 16:25 #4
I wouldn't stress too much about what other people think. At the end of the day it's your decision and choice and you're the only one who had to be happy with it.
Where I work, I don't bat an eyelid if someone decides to FF. As long as they bring all their bottles and formula with them, it's all good. We don't supply formula and bottles etc for people who are choosing to FF so if they don't bring the stuff they need, that's the only reason I would get annoyed with someone who plans to FF. Check with your hospital though, some hospitals do provide the formula and bottles etc.
Even if you plan to FF, you can still give colostrum (if you want) in the first few days. You could express antenatally and freeze in syringes ready for when baby comes (ask your hospital for the syringes etc). You could express once baby is born and give colostrum which can be good for baby's gut, especially in the first few days. You could also BF for a few days to give baby the colostrum.
Feeding choices aren't black and white. There are still a few options that you can think about, you have plenty of time. Don't feel like you have to decide now. Just work out what's going to work best for you and go with it.
29-01-2015 16:47 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
I BF both my children, so I don't have personal experience, however my sister never wanted to BF, and FF both her children from the start.
She delivered in a private hospital, and was given the drug which stops your milk coming in, and the midwives did not harass her in the slightest.
I know this is only one example, but I hope it makes you feel a little bit better.
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29-01-2015 17:31 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
How would you feel about purely expressing and bottle feeding? The baby is not breast feeding but still getting breast milk if that would make you feel better. There is nothing worse for bonding and mental health than a mother forcing herself to feed when she doesn't wish to
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29-01-2015 17:43 #7
I haven't read all responses, I delivered in a private hospital 13 months ago. I ff from his first feed, bfing wasn't something I was overly excited about but waited for bubs to arrive before making that decision. I suppressed so my milk didn't come in. I'm currently pregnant with #2 due in July. I've booked into the same hospital and told them I didn't bf ds and have not decided this time. The midwives were all great about it, the one I spoke to this time said she doesn't care how the baby gets fed, as long as it's getting fed.
My advise is if you think the decision is right for you, don't feel guilty, no one has ever offended me with their comments because I feel the decision I made was what was best for both ds and i
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29-01-2015 18:18 #8
Hi OP, you can ask the hospital, if it concerns you that much. I'm sure they will be happy to discuss your concerns.
I know how you feel when you say "to have one thing left for me".
Apparently the whole "your body, your choice" goes out the window when it comes to bf (not for everyone... but a lot of staunch "your body" people are also staunchly pro "you MUST bf").
29-01-2015 19:02 #9
One thing I learned was not to have too many plans before you have the baby as things do change. I felt the same as you, couldn't imagine having a baby on my boob, didn't want to be tied down to feeding all day, hubby not bonding with baby etc etc and was 100% sure I was going to ff. I planned to give first couple days of colostrum and found that I started to enjoy bf and carried on for 6 months. However I felt incredibly guilty at the start as I had changed my mind and felt I was being selfish to my partner as we had always planned to both take part in feeding. I realised then that you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to make decisions before the birth and don't let others judge you. We found a compromise of me bf mostly but hubby would give couple bottles in evening (often formula) so it gave him the experience and me a break!
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29-01-2015 19:47 #10
For my first bub, I wanted to try bf and I did, but then things happened and I decided to start bottle feeding on day 4 before we left the hospital. I know they thought they were helping, but the midwives literally wheeled in one of those giant TVs with a dvd attached and made me watch 4-5 breastfeeding videos - even with my visitors coming in, they'd keep playing them. They didn't want to hear about formula or give me info about bottle feeding.. Then they would tsk tsk me and say my baby was starving. It was weird and confusing. Bf wasn't set in stone with my birth plan, I guess they just assume you're doing it and want to help you achieve that
But anyway, straight to bottle for babies 2 and 3 - I knew what I wanted to do and luckily had the support of the midwives (different hospital).
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