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  1. #1
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    Default feeling like ive lost my sense of self...

    I wasn't really sure where to post this so I'm sorry if I'm not in the right place...
    I'm posting because it just dawned on me tonight while driving home from work that since becoming a mum ive lost a sense of who I am. I know its probably something that is very common, but looking back on who I was and who I am now there is such a massive difference. I used to be fun, energetic, outgoing, silly. I could stroke up and hold a conversation with anyone, about anything, no matter how random. I used to live in the moment and enjoy things. I feel like now I'm constantly distracted. I feel dull and boring. I feel like I'm never in the moment and I guess that's what bothers me the most. I in no way blame my kids for the way I've changed. I think from the moment I found out I was going to become a mum, and the circumstances surrounding that, I have put so much pressure on myself that I've lost sight of what's really important. I know in my heart that my kids and my partner would benefit way more if I had some of the old me back. They are the loves of my life and I want to really enjoy life with them. But I don't know how to get that back, and if I can, how do I balance that fun loving, easy go lucky person I used to be with being a mum and the responsibilities that come with that?
    Sorry for the massive long rant, but it feels good to get that off my chest

  2. #2
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    Hey peanut head, I'm sorry I've got no great advice for you but just wanted to put it out there that you're not alone, I could've written your post... It's not a nice feeling and I don't know where funny, witty me went either.

  3. #3
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    Your not alone!! I could have written your post! For me I think I feel lost because I don't have any free time to be just me?if I am not being a mum then I am a house keeper/Cook/ Book keeper!! It never stops and on top of all that, I run a little business from home!! I have recently started, jogging or walking every night and it's helped to have just to have my time. My biggest struggle is keeping the conversation going with adults that aren't parents! I am hoping this too is a Phase we go through????

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  5. #4
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    Totally understand. I feel old and worn down since becoming a mum. If I was a colour I would be beige. I love and adore my child but, I really, really miss feeling vibrant and outgoing. No advice, but lots of empathy. Hugs

  6. #5
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    I'm the same! I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, besides a mother, which is completely amazing. But the things that used to define me don't anymore.
    Maybe with time things will change
    Biggest hugs!!

  7. #6
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    Beige is a perfect way to describe how I'm feeling. I thought it would be a feeling alot of us could relate to. I'm going to get my partner on board with the afternoon walks (I'm preggers too hopefully that'll help me not turn into man mountain lol). I find the conversations with non parents difficult too. I think half my problem is I'm always so tired so lack motivation. And my most dreaded question of all time... 'describe yourself'... instant blank. Its nice to know I'm not alone in the way I'm feeling. Now I just wish we could all figure out the magic cure

  8. #7
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    Me too. I think it also comes down to being at home with a bub, we are not out having experiences that we can use as conversation fodder. So if my conversation isn't about slow cookers, grocery shopping, cleaning or baby wrangling, I've got nada! It's hard. I feel like a dreary old lady these days but I'm hoping that as Bub gets older, the old me will come back to the surface. I think it's a period of adjustment and have a baby is pretty intense. I think as they become more independent and require less intense attention, we will find ourselves again.

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  10. #8
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    I think it comes down to friendships too. I know for me a lot of the people who brought out that side of me haven't yet settled down and are off exploring the world so we are no longer in contact. I think there's a rut I need to break, but I don't really know where or how to start.

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    You hit the nail on the head too. I have few friends left now I've had a child. My bff that was always my partner in crime, that I travelled the world with, stopped talking to me shortly before my DS birth. Now I oy have a few mummy friends left and I hardly see them because they are busy with their own families. It definitely has a bearing on things.

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    I can totally relate. I've 3 kids now including a baby and not worked since dd1 age 8 was born. I feel like such a dullard. My world is nappies, weaning, school, housework. I don't have time even for tv forget current affairs / popular culture dang it I don't even remember what I thought about never mind chatted about bk. l have daydreams about old times spending all day at a pub with friends talking sh** and now I just wonder what the eff did we talk about? I can't even hold a conversation with my partner unless it's house or kids related. Sorry no advice except don't give up work!!!


 

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