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  1. #1
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    Default advice needed! I don't know what to do!

    Hi all. I found out 2 weeks ago I was pregnant with my third. I already have 2 beautiful daughters whom I absoutley adore and could not imagine my life without. They are 4 and almost 3.

    Finding out I was pregnant again came as a complete shock and I really don't know that I want to continue this through. I don't know that I can actually cope.

    The relationship I have with my partner is very unstable and for the past year we have both honestly wanted to separate. All of his family are supportive however live interstate. My family are close by but wish for myself and my girls that he was not around.

    He is very mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. He suffers depression and refuses to seek help. He has recently became addicted to certain types of drugs and claims these are the only things that help him "cope".

    He wont work because he claims he just can't but is not interested in even trying. I work and support him while my girls are in day care.

    He has never given me any support with either of our children, not financially nor with helping out. I have done everything on my own and then get abused for being so tired all the time.

    I am already at the end of my tether and struggling to get by each day as it is, so becoming pregnant has been a real upset for me.

    I honestly dont think I can cope. He is already cracking it because I am feeling exhausted from having my 2 girls and working and having to do all the cooking and housework by myself too.

    Financially I have no idea how I could possibly afford to not work while having a baby. We would pretty much end up on the street. I couldn't just work right up until the day before I go into labor and return in 6 weeks like I have been forced to with my other two, I just can't cope.

    I don't think I want to continue because I can't see that I myself can cope, let alone trying to look after my other two also.

    I have tried to speak to my partner about this but he refuses to talk about it because he doesn't want to have to deal with it. At the beginning he said there is only one option and that's to terminate because he said he was extremely unhappy and wanted to leave. I was fine with that because I could not cope. I made an appointment and he said he would take me and pick me up. I asked nothing more. Then the morning of the appointment he started abusing me and said I needed more information before I just go and do something. I know exactly what it is.

    We tried to talk and he said he was sorry and said he would take me to the next appointment I could make. He is now telling me that he just can't cope with taking me so I have to find my own way there and back and I can do whatever I want as he does not care.

    I am just at a complete loss as what to do. The negatives seems more than the positives of continuing with this. I just cannot cope with the abuse for being tired and not being able to mother him because I have 3 children I need to mother. I don't feel he is at all considering me, the one that has to carry it, birth it, somehow work to provide money for us to survive, raise 2 other children etc. He won't even let me talk about how I am feeling because he doesn't want to have to deal with it.

    Any advice from anyone in a similar situation? I just don't know what to do... I don't think I can go ahead, I don't think I can cope. Thank you in advance

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    No advice as I haven't been there but big hugs xx

    It sounds like pregnancy or no pregnancy you are thinking about leaving your partner. Whatever you decide with the pregnancy, I'd plan as if you were single.

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    Wow, huge hugs, what a difficult situation.

    Firstly, just think about the baby for a second and nothing else, do you want it? Would you like another if circumstances were different? Is termination something you're ok with?

    Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to stay with your husband. If you both want to seperate you can definitely manage on your own. After bubs was born you'd be entitled to paid parental leave, family tax & single parent pension. So financially you could probably manage (maybe call Clink and get figures).

    I think you should think about what YOU truly want deep down, whatever you decide it will all work out. Your husband sounds like a waste of space (sorry) and you sound very strong, you'll be ok xxx

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    Hugs. Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds terrible.
    You don't have to answer this. Do you love your husband?
    Obviously there is something there if your still DTD !?

    Do you get counselling yourself? One way to help him is to help yourself, might also help you to talk to someone about the pregnancy.

    Only you can make the decision about your baby. Easier said than done, but do what's best for you & your situation & don't feel pressured by anyone!

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    Sorry, double post

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    Wow, hug's, that is a difficult situation. From what you have described, I think baby or no baby your life will be easier without your DP in it. It sounds like he is another child that you are supporting and doing everything for.

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    First of all, big hugs. What an incredibly difficult situation

    I agree with the PP's.....take him out of the equation for a moment....is this baby what YOU want?

    I know that this may be something that is hard to consider, but it sounds like you're already at breaking point......you are pretty much a single parent right now anyhow, just with an adult child thrown in the mix to complicate things further. If you do decide to leave and you do keep the baby, you will be able to get some financial support from centrelink, plus as you mention you have family close by who will support you also.

    Going from your post, my immediate question would not be whether you want to continue with the pregnancy, but whether you want to continue the relationship....?

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    OP you sound very stressed and upset.

    From reading your post it seems extremely clear to me which way your heart and your brain are leading you. You don't seem ambivalent at all.

    Is there a family member or friend that could go with you if you do decide to terminate? It seems as though your fear is if going through this alone, which is completely understandable.

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    @cjjlmum I'm so sorry to read about your situation, and I want to send your big hugs. It's hard enough to face an unplanned pregnancy without this type of abuse from your partner. I am also facing the hard decisions of an unplanned pregnancy right now, and whilst I don't have the full support of my partner, I am not facing abuse. Nonetheless it is excruciating for me, we are constantly in an atmosphere of conflict, so I can only imagine what it's like for you.
    It does sound to me that this experience for you is solidifying your opinion of your relationship, or at the very least, call it into serious question. I urge you to consider your life with your two beautiful daughters, and how that life will be as a single mother - then imagine how another child fits into that picture. It seems clear that you believe you will be better off without your partner. One of the considerations I have had in mind is my ability to give a child the best opportunities possible, and I think you should think of your two daughters also when you are thinking about this. If you think it could be hard being a single Mum with your two girls, the added benefits available to you from Centrelink etc are not really going to "help" you that much more financially.
    I'd suggest that you seek out counselling yourself and come to a solid plan in your mind. Whilst there are some free counselling services available, you also have the option of going to your GP and asking for a "Mental Health Care Plan" which will allow your to access private psychologists through Medicare. The Royal Women's Hospital has a wonderful Pregnancy Advice Service, and they can also recommend counsellors/psychologists. You also mentioned that you already tried to go to a termination appointment. Whilst it is ideal that you have a support partner with you, unless you undergo a surgical termination (general anaesthetic/twilight) it is in fact possible to drive yourself. It is not necessary if you have a medical termination (5-7 weeks only) I also note that you are in 3130 postcode, and there is a service available to you in your local area - it's not highly publicised though.
    I'd be happy to talk to you via PM if you want, but you need to have five posts before this can happen.
    Best of luck, be strong, and take care of yourself and your two beautiful girls

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    I have no advice OP, but I couldn't read and run. What a horrible situation for you...best of luck in whatever you choose and massive hugs xx


 

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