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  1. #61
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    I dont know what to do. Dh says under no circumstances am I to rock him to sleep & it seems that what he says goes, even though he gets to go to work all day & doesnt have to deal with it.

    I guess ill keep trying

  2. #62
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    how does your dh get him to sleep?

  3. #63
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    Keep trying..

    He is asleep now isn't he? You can do it, he might be strong willed, but you can do it!

    I think your Dh is just trying to help and sounds like he is concerned for you and wants to keep to what was taught at sleep school.

  4. #64
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    Dh uses the responsive settling - but he's not doing it all day every day by himself so its nowhere near as hard or draining for him

    Yes hes asleep now cause dh got him down when he came home

  5. #65
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    Maybe its time to introduce a sleep aid? My daughter uses a light seahorse (like a glow worm) that plays music for 5 minutes.

  6. #66
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    Default Sleep school update

    He also senses your anxiety and stress levels. This WILL affect his sleep patterns, trust me.

    You need to calm down as best you can and not feel nervous about putting him to sleep.

    Also don't forget to make sure that he is tired- not overtired and not still wide awake. This will make a huge difference.

    I went to sleep school with 2 of my 3. Shhhhing and patting does work so don't give up.

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  8. #67
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    Hi heartstringz. I haven't commented for a while but I do try to follow your posts.

    I'm sorry to beat a dead horse but have you seen somebody about getting your anxiety sorted? I'm saying this as somebody who has been suffering from extreme anxiety while trying to cope with a new baby and it's f*cking hard. But, since I've started taking something (Zoloft which is safe while breastfeeding) I have been coping so much better and am so much more relaxed, definitely enjoying my days and nights more. I am worrying less and feeling so relieved.

    Everything that seems so stressful and frustrating right now suddenly doesn't seem so horrible and you are able to take a step back and see what you need to do to help the situation. Being able to do that is what will help you learn how to settle him.

    Sleep school worked because it was a controlled environment with tons of support, you probably felt much more confident and relaxed there. You're not going to be able to get back to anything like that until you make working out your anxiety your number one goal.

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  10. #68
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    It is torture to be dealing with a baby all day and night who won't sleep. Is it possible that your DH could do all the evenings/nights for a few days or so? That way you get a break at night and just have to focus on days. It might also get him in more of habit of sleeping? I would tell your DH that if he insists on no rocking, you will need a lot of help from him to make responsive settling work.

    I know that when my DD's sleep was at her worst (i.e when she wouldn't sleep more than one hour a night for months!!), my DH and I really hard to work as a team in order to get through it.

  11. #69
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    The best advice I was given when I left EBFC was that "bub will challenge you when back in their own environment". We were down to 10 mins when I left there of whinging ect then back home Ds was back to 40 mins of crying. So I had to start again.

    you have the skills now to implement this. Just remember to "listen to the cry". You now know your Ds whinge vs hysterical comforting cry. I would just repeat that to myself over and over when settling Ds "listen to the cry".

    do you still have that flow chart they did for you? I found it helpful to put it on DS door and that would remind me of what to do.

    i too had a "crisis of confidence" when I got home and DS regressed but I was determined not to go back to where we were. He literally nearly killed me with his shocking sleep.

    you can do this Hun. You've got the skills and if your DS is a strong willed one (like my DS) it's not going to be easy. They will challenge you.

    Im not going to lie, it took 4 weeks from leaving EBFC for my DS to "get" it. It was 4 MORE WEEKS of crying and settling bit I was consistent to the end and it was soooo worth it. (I told you he was a strong willed boy).

    I also would remind myself I was teaching my DS a life skill. They need to know to put themselves to bed. It's a skill that will make them a good sleeper. They need to sleep well.

    cancel your plans this week, stay home and focus on this. It was the best thing I did for me, my boy and our family when I got him self settling xx

    ( And I agree with pp, Zoloft is awesome. I really really x 10000 wish I had taken this sooner. Would have saved me soooo much stress and anxiety. It really does just connect the brain and everything seems "not as bad". I finally feel like my old self now I'm on meds. )

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  13. #70
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    Default Sleep school update

    If bub is fighting sleeps for an hour then something's not right. Either bub is hungry or over or under tired.

    What routines and tips did the sleep school have in place and are you following them at home? It might not be obvious at the time however missing one or two of the routine steps can throw sleep time out the window.

    I agree with Holly - you need to make getting help for your anxiety the nr 1 priority (yes even above bub sleeping). You need to set yourself up for success instead of failure. Having a new bub with anxiety is bloody hard - a bit like trying to race in the Grand Prix with a Toyota Corolla - you might have the best intentions but it ain't gonna work unless you get help.

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