So, on Tuesday, I woke up to spotting after being a week late. I had a doctor's appointment and blood test that morning to confirm - and figured it was going to turn out negative.
Until my doctor had said it sounds like it's a loss, when I told her that within the few hours since waking, the "spotting" had become like day #2&3 of my AF - which is not normal for me.
I feel...indescribable. It's only Thursday, and it's almost disappeared. My normal AF goes for 5 days, and goes from #1 light day, #2&3 heavy days back to #4%5 days being light.
This time, it went from light, to heavy within less than 6 hours and today, it's like day #4....when it's been less than 72 hours.
I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I haven't dealt with this properly yet, I don't think. I fear speaking to anybody around me about it, because I don't know how I'm going to hold myself together. My parents told me that they're "sorry" when they heard the news...but it's not something I feel can be talked about with them. I'm trying to fight through daily tasks with a smile that isn't genuine, while at home by myself, the waves come suddenly and I just want to curl into a ball and cry.
I keep searching for a reason, for answers as to why this happened. Did I not do something right? Did I eat something wrong? Did I toss over in my sleep too quickly? Was I bending to the floor wrong? Did my dog's head or paws resting on my tummy cause it? I asked my doctor if it was because my body wasn't a healthy enough environment, and the look she gave me was almost terrifying (like she wanted to yell at me). She did tell me, that no, it means the baby wasn't healthy. But I can't help but still wonder, you know? Or maybe that's just me that is obsessing over it...
I'm a woman of faith, and I honestly am very very mad at G-d right now. I feel it would have been much easier if I had not been pregnant at all. I was *so* sure of it, and to find out that I was...and lost it the very same day I was supposed to get GOOD news, is so totally unfair.
I don't know what to do right now. I don't know where to go from here, how to feel, or even if my thoughts and fears are normal, or at least justified. I just feel so alone right now, and no one close to me feels like much of a comfort at the moment.
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22-01-2015 21:04 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Adelaide, Australia
Really not sure if I've placed this correctly.
22-01-2015 21:49 #2
I am so sorry for your loss.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve a pregnancy loss.
I'm not sure what state you are in but maybe check out SANDS, they are a peer support and information service for pregnancy loss.
22-01-2015 21:55 #3
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I've lost a pregnancy before at 11 weeks so I can completely sympathise with your situation. I know that feeling of loss and sadness where nothing or no one can bring comfort. The only assurance I can give you is that the pain will ease and the sadness will slowly stop consuming your days. It will take time. Be very kind to yourself. I wish I could give you a hug xx
23-01-2015 06:12 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
I'm sorry for your loss. I was there too in October. I know for me the following points helped:
1. M/C is very common. Most women have lost a pregnancy. We just don't talk about it much, but remember that you are not alone.
2. There is no correlation between a M/C and what will happen in your next pregnancy. Many, many woman go on to have healthy viable pregnancies.
There is no right way to grieve. Do what works for you. Be kind and gentle with yourself and your DP.
27-01-2015 15:07 #5
Exactly what Happy Camper said. M/C is very common, and no one talks about it. You'll be surprised about how many people around you have actually lost a baby. I lost my little boy in August, I was 19 weeks. Having to walk through a hospital full of druggies with big bellies was hard. Life seems so unfair sometimes. If you're angry, purchase a punching bag. It helped me through. I would let out all my anger then it would quickly turn into a grief cry. After a few minutes I would realise and tell myself that I couldn't change anything, what's happened has happened and that's life. Life does go on
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