Hi all.. As the title states I have found my biological family.. well we sort of found each other.. The hard part now is telling my parents.. My biological family will never take the place of my family and my parents have always been supportive of us finding them but now its actually happened I don't want to break their hearts.
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21-01-2015 11:54 #1
How do i tell my parents that i have found my biological family?
21-01-2015 12:21 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Hi lese82, I'm afraid I can't really help with advice about how to tell your adoptive family, but wanted to send you strength!
I've been in the slightly different position of being told I had an older half brother and sister (surprise!) after they reconnected with my mum. I'm happy to say that most people involved took the situation in their stride, but think it took both adoptive parents a while to become comfortable with the situation. I think it's only natural as a parent to be worried about whether your child is going to get hurt.
Best wishes, and I hope everyone is able to quickly process their feelings and be happy for you and support you.
21-01-2015 12:27 #3
My parents have always said they would support me if I chose to find my biological parents but they didn't want any involvement, there would be no big welcoming into the family.
I got a letter when I was 18 from human services telling me my mum was looking for me. I didn't want to do it and didn't want to tell my parents. My mum found the letter and was distraught to think I may have done something behind their back. My eldest sister had died a few years earlier and I think it just hit a raw nerve.
We talk about it sometimes and I still don't have a desire to find them but I think you need to be honest but also prepare yourself that you may not get the reaction you wanted.
21-01-2015 12:30 #4
While you say your parents were supportive of you searching, did they know you were actively searching?
Have you actually met your bio family? How do you know for definite it is them?
If they did, you need to arrange to sit down with them. Explain how grateful you are for everything you have done, and how much you love them. Then say you have been searching for your bio family for X time, and you think you have found them. Explain why you think it is them, and if you have met them ask if they would like to meet too.
If they didn't know. Do the same, but after the grateful and loving speech, say something like, "I know you have always said you would support me finding my bio family. Well, I started searching X time ago, and I think I may have found them"... and continue.
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21-01-2015 12:30 #5
I am not sure. I am in a similar position.
I have also just recently found out who my biological mother and two brothers are. I also have a sister but have yet to find out her details. Neither do I know the details of my biological father.
Are you going to or have you met them in person?
I think if I wasn't going to make any contact with them I wouldn't say anything to my parents. I think my Dad will be okay about it all but my Mum will freak out.
I would say your parents have always expected that this will happen in some sort of way, so it wouldn't be that much of a surprise.
Maybe when you tell them reassure them they are your only family and these new people will be friends rather than family
21-01-2015 12:36 #6
thanks everyone.. we have spoken over facebook and arranging to meet my sister soon.. I cant say I was actively looking but did obtain information about them a while ago.
My Bio mum has already said she would never try and take the place of my mum but would like to be friends and stay in contact.
I am sure its them as they know information that only they and I would know like where they were living when I was born and my birth name.
I just don't want to hurt them...
21-01-2015 15:33 #7
How do i tell my parents that i have found my biological family?
I've never been in this position myself so I'm only speaking about human nature as I know it. There is no special way of telling them that won't hurt them. However it is worded, it's the facts of the situation that will make it painful. I would just stress to them that they will always be your Mum and Dad, no matter what. You are not seeking a replacement for them, they are wonderful and you love them. Ask them how much they want to know, take your cues from them as to how comfortable they are with being involved. It's an emotional minefield but I'm sure you can negotiate it with care. I hope your sister is wonderful.
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21-01-2015 15:38 #8
I used to be close with someone that was adopted. Your parents knew this day was coming and you say are supportive of you finding them.
I would tell them the truth. That they are your parents, that you love them so much, but you have found bio family and would like to meet them. Tell them your bio mum doesn't want to replace your mum (and I believe your adoptive mum is your mum).
I think it's sweet you are so accommodating of their feelings
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21-01-2015 17:04 #9
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21-01-2015 17:34 #10
hi lese82, I hope your parents are supportive, but I would still expect a bit of a surprised reaction when you tell them you have found your bio family. it is one thing to say you will be welcoming and happy about something in the future, but when it comes to the crunch it might still be a different reaction. just be prepared for a reaction, tears, or laughter, or sadness or joy, or a whole bunch of other reactions. hugs, and good luck with everything. marie.
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