So DS has been toilet training for a few months now and we are at the stage where when we're out and about he is great. He asked to go to he toilet, have only had one accident while out. He is good at daycare but they said he never 'tells them' they ask and he happily goes. But at home he is a shocker! He just poo's and wee's in his undies, and isn't phased if I try to bribe him with rewards unless its bed time, and then he will use the toilet then demand his lolly pop!
This has been a massive power game with him... he is now yelling at me when i ask him if he needs to to go the toilet and fights me if i try to take him by the hand. I do this after seeing him show signs he needs to go ... but ill leave him be when he fights me, but then within a few mins ill see he has wet his pants.
He even has taken off his pants and deliberately weed on the carpet!
He then apologises to me later on for it... Like hours later he'll come over to me out of the blue and will apologise for weeing and pooing in his pants so it seems he feels guilty about it when he thinks about it... but then the need for control and dominance will take over him next time and its the same crap. (pardon the pun)
I finally had enough and the other day put him back in nappies and decided ill try again in a couple months as he is clearly not ready.
So this morning he runs into my room to wake me and tell me he needs to wee. He had taken his nappy off, he went into our toilet, lifted up the toilet seat stood on his tippy toes and weed standing up!
I was so happy i told hi how awesome it was that he did that and gave him a little reward (a smartie) I asked him if he wants to be in undies or nappies and he said undies... but then for the rest of the day he went straight back to pooing and weeing in his undies, fighting me when i ask him to go to the toilet after i see him showing signs.
Help me!! What am i doing wrong I am at my wits end he is truly messing with me. Is this normal behavior?? I know he knows better but is blatantly refusing to do it unless its completely on his terms.
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20-01-2015 23:16 #1
Feels like DS is messing with me!! *toilet training advice needed*
Last edited by Serenity Love; 20-01-2015 at 23:19.
21-01-2015 00:00 #2
I should add that he does use the toilet at home once i make him go and don't back down, and he rolls his eyes and lets out a big *sigh* a as he does it. But he mainly just does wee in the toilet, he hasn't pood in the toilet for ages as he just runs off and hides to do it in his undies, then comes over to me and tells me and laughs about it and asks me to put clean clothes on him ...
21-01-2015 00:02 #3
One smartie? He produced the holy grail and only got a smartie? I think he needs a bigger reward personally.
Have you tried getting him a toy that he really wants, like is desperate for, that he has to wee and poo for? Maybe but it up in a visible place or a picture of it up on a wall and a sticker chart that leads to it. He will need to want it and he needs to see progress.
21-01-2015 05:13 #4-
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- Apr 2012
I had he same problem- started my boy too early but once I started he wouldn't go back.... Toilet trainjng has been a long process. Maybe he is feeling too much pressure. Encourage him to go to the toilet but don't fight it or get upset when he fights it. Be consistent with a rewards chart at home. Read a toilet training book at home every night and mention the rewards chart when you read it. Make the biggest deal when he does a wee or poo on the toilet (high-5's, squealing with delight). Positive reinforcement, consistency and riding it out really is the only way to go.
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21-01-2015 05:34 #5
Yep I think you need to bring out the big guns. One smartie isn't going to cut it. I rewarded DS with a marshmallow everytime for anything wee, poo whatever and he got to choose it and brag about it everywhere we went. I talked about his triumphs all day to him and anyone else who would listen. I'd be going a reward every time and the toy/reward chart too.
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21-01-2015 07:01 #6Senior Member
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21-01-2015 07:21 #7
If I asked my dd1 if she needed to go to the toilet, she would automatically say "no!", pout and stamp her feet, even if she was physically holding on and dancing from one foot to the other..
I found with her, I had to leave some control with her. I changed my terminology to, "dd1, remember to tell mummy if you need to do a wee or a poo", this helped immensely. I'd ask her nearly constantly (lol!), just changing the way I asked solved our problems.
Have you tried changing the way you ask?
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21-01-2015 07:29 #8
When I had similar issues, we went back to nappies. He had the choice to wear jocks, but as soon as he had an accident, it was back in nappies for the day. He had to be responsible for his toileting and make the decision to not have accidents if he wanted to wear jocks. We are finally getting somewhere now, he is starting to take himself off to the toilet, but we still have times that he decides to wear a nappy cause he doesn't want to go to the toilet lol
21-01-2015 07:44 #9
DS has been training for 4 months now and still has accidents but I have found that instead of asking him or reminding him I say "toilet time" in a way that is a statement not a question and he will go. If I say it as a question I have no hope of getting him there. When is his usual pooing time? Try tracking him and getting him on the toilet/potty around that time. Tell him he needs to push with his bottom and see if he can make a big plop or a little plop. For wees I usual do toilet time about every 60min. He probably goes well at daycare because they time him and tell him to go.
Last edited by WiseOldOwl; 21-01-2015 at 07:46.
21-01-2015 07:46 #10
DD was similar...nailed it with wees but then took several more months with poo. Refused to use the toilet.
Eventually we stopped making any fuss when she had an "accident" (she knew when she needed to go cos she would go quiet & hide somewhere to do it...then would come out with "uh oh, I pooed my jocks. Mummy won't be happy with me! That's no good, is it?! Yucky...". )
And we found her currency - Tinkerbell - and did reward charts & stickers. Started out small (3 stickers to get reward) then increased it each time.
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