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  1. #21
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    Default Today I told my husband...

    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I have been trying to do this for over 6 months. He wasn't interested. So I lost it.
    Read the OP again.
    I did. Your OP said you were trying to bing it up 'gently' and he was brushing you off. He was probably brushing you off because you bringing it up gently had the effect of downplaying it's importance!

    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-01-2015 at 19:15.

  2. #22
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    I think your being harsh twiddle. Plus she wants to sort it out sooner rather than in the few months it takes to get in to relationships Australia.

  3. #23
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    Am I the only one that sees the irony of trying to plug the gap of distance with your spouse by sending a text or email? Sorry if this offends but the poor communication skills are probably what contributed to the mess in the first place. If obtaining precessional help is some time away then my advice would be to take that bullet list (good idea for getting ones thoughts together I have to admit) and turn it into a very succinct 60
    Second speech to hubby.
    - start off with a positive eg "I love you."
    - Dont let hubby fob you off, follow up with something like "this is real serious. I need you to stay. Not even pee breaks are allowed."
    - use I statements "I fell blah when XYZ happens." Don't say "you."!
    - be very clear about what you are asking of hubby eg "I want us to talk for at least 30 minutes on how we are both feeling in this relationship."

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  5. #24
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    I think if she were having the entire conversation over text, then yes I agree. However it seems to me that the first text was just the ice breaker to start the conversation off, which will then be continued on Saturday as she mentioned. So I don't really think it's a problem.

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwiddleDiddle View Post
    I did. Your OP said you were trying to bing it up 'gently' and he was brushing you off. He was probably brushing you off because you bringing it up gently had the effect of downplaying it's importance!

    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.
    My husband has bipolar. If I don't bring it up gently, he loses it. He was brushing me off because he was busy- he is setting up a new business. However, it is important that we talk. I am not relying on bullet points and texts to "get things going". He knows we have needed to talk for a while. The text made him see that I have reached a point where it has become a necessity. I do not do my communicating this way, so for me to do so, he knows that it is time to sit down and talk it out, and that he has been neglectful.

    ETA: the bullet point list is for me to collect my thoughts, so I know what I need to say and don't go off track, which happens. He knows. It just needs to be said, so we can deal with it. This is how his mind works.
    Last edited by DT75; 15-01-2015 at 20:16.

  7. #26
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    iddle;8061763
    I don't mean to sound negative... It just seems that if you have to rely on bullet points and texts to get things going that's an indication of communication skills problems that probably are at the core if the relationship issues and may require help from a third party to improve. There are courses people can do to help improve their communication skills, Relationships Australia could have some ideas, I'm not sure.[/QUOTE]

    People communicate in different ways and it sounds like this is working for the OP.

    Good luck on Saturday, it sounds like you are both committed to making this work. Sometimes in the business of life its easy to let the most important people take a back seawhen we should really make the effort.

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    My husband has bipolar. If I don't bring it up gently, he loses it. He was brushing me off because he was busy- he is setting up a new business. However, it is important that we talk. I am not relying on bullet points and texts to "get things going". He knows we have needed to talk for a while. The text made him see that I have reached a point where it has become a necessity. I do not do my communicating this way, so for me to do so, he knows that it is time to sit down and talk it out, and that he has been neglectful.
    You know your partner better than anyone else in this thread and I wish you all the best on your journey to reconnecting. Please do let us know how you get on on Saturday xx

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  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    Good luck for Saturday OP? Are things a little awkward at home since the text.
    No, actually, things have been better than they have in a while. He has been attentive and proactive. I'm actually really looking forward to our talk on Saturday.

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  12. #29
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    Update:

    DH came home at midday today to spend time with me
    We're still going to wait until tomorrow to have our chat, but this is nice. He hasn't done this since the earlier stages of our relationship.
    Granted, he's officially working from home, but he's sitting next to me and his hand is resting on my leg

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    amyd  (16-01-2015),Apple iPhart6  (22-01-2015),CakeyMumma  (16-01-2015),GrabbyCrabby  (20-01-2015),HillDweller  (20-01-2015),lilypily  (16-01-2015),LittleDove  (20-01-2015),ManchesterLass  (16-01-2015),Sookie Stackedhouse  (16-01-2015),TheGooch  (16-01-2015)

  14. #30
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    That's sounds positive. Hopefully it's a step in the right direction for you both.

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