I think it's unfair and rude of you to ask or expect your Sil to change her childcare arrangements for you.
There is a huge difference between 6 kids and 4. I totally get why your Mil said no. She had already committed her self to watch the other 4. Add your two in would be overwhelming.
I sorry you and your hubby are just going to have to find other childcare arrangements.
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10-01-2015 07:17 #31
10-01-2015 07:36 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
I plan to pay my mum to look after my child when I need childcare.
I just couldn't burden her over and over and expect her to stay home and mind my child during her retirement for free. She would do it for free of course, but it wouldn't sit well with me.
What if you go back to your MIL with a cash offer that is less than childcare, so that you save some $$ but so that she isn't feeling totally overwhelmed and burnt out by everyone's kids with nothing to show for it?
You could say "we will need to use childcare, so we will have to pay someone anyway, we wanted to offer it to you first." Then she might change her mind and help you out.
It might get your SIL to be a bit more giving towards MIL and offer cash too (or at least food!). Mums and MILs are not just babysitters for our convenience. They have a life too, and their sand is flowing out of the hour glass quicker than ours. It's only fair.
That's my 2 cents.
Last edited by Explora; 10-01-2015 at 07:42.
10-01-2015 07:49 #33
OP, can I just ask, in the nicest way possible...how come you didnt have this sorted out already? Did you just assume she would have them, or did she say she would and then take it back? Honestly I dont think its fair to expect SIL to change her arrangements that she has already made, and its not fair to try and make your MIL take care of 6 children.
I'd suggest trying to work out arrangements well in advance from now on so that you have the ability to save for vacation care should the need arrise.
Hell, I think you're lucky that your MIL would consider taking your 2 children if she didnt have SIL's children. My own mother couldnt even take one of my sons for one night to give me and my other son who has special needs a break...and my MIL hasnt seen her grandkids in over a year...
10-01-2015 07:52 #34
I think it's rude of you to expect your dh to say anything to your mil. She does have a right to say no with no explanation, whether it's one kid or 20. I think it's beyond rude for you to then go to your sil and try to guilt trip her, it's not her fault that she got in before you.
Find alternative arrangements and ask a bit sooner for next school holidays.
Last edited by atomicmama; 10-01-2015 at 17:42.
10-01-2015 08:09 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
@mummyoftwo I hope things work out for you. For mine the varying opinions in this thread show what saying anything could quickly turn your frustration into a family argument. Things like this can tear families apart, as everyone picks a side. Who's "right"? Probably no one completely...
10-01-2015 08:12 #36
Maybe you could work out something with a friend. They take your kids for the 2 days and you take their kids for another 2 days.
10-01-2015 13:26 #37
I feel your frustration because similar happens with my SIL's kids every holidays. Except she and her DH don't work. So I have to suck it up and pay to have my 3 kids in Vacation care (+ 1 still in daycare) it is frustrating as all get out but I have not much choice in the matter.
10-01-2015 14:12 #38
OP the isn't directed at you but some of the responses. Suck it up?! Mil is a person too with her own life and you know, maybe she has things she'd rather be doing than being everyone's free childcare. Sil asked if she could watch her 4 kids and she very generously agreed. You can't now expect her to tell SIL no so that she can watch the OPs kids instead.
To the person saying Mil should just take the extra even if she feels its beyond her - how would you feel if Mil did take more than she felt able to do and then there was an accident? Either her or the kids getting injured perhaps?
Best to ask early, but also be prepared to accept no for an answer.
I must admit I'm a little taken aback at some of the responses. A grandparents job description is not to be free childcare whenever the parents need it. And why is it always the grandmother who is expected to help out like this? Grandfathers get to sit back and enjoy their retirement it seems without being deemed to be shirking their responsibilities. My mother helps out as much as she can because she loves being with her grandchildren, but she has limitations (such as she can't do sleepovers and she can't watch the kids for more than an hour to two) because of health and other personal reasons. And I'd be very upset if anyone suggested she push on past her point of comfort merely because it suits them.
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10-01-2015 14:51 #39
Firstly, I totally get your frustration! However, when you originally asked her did you have any thought of a back-up if she said no?
Your options are- you take one day off, your husband the other, you split days with your husband (you do half, he does half), OOSH, daycare, all day recreational programs, nanny (that's assuming you have no other help available). Time for your husband to pull his head out of his a$$.
Secondly, it doesn't matter that your SILs kids are 'always' looked after by your MIL- that is your MIL's prerogative, and she has her reasons. She has told you 6 is too much. End of story.
(From reading your OP, it seems SIL asked her first anyway).
Lastly, I know alternative care (rather than family care) is expensive. But needs must. Time to sit down with your husband, with a pen and paper, a few care choices and a calculator.
We all have to do it, at some point. Good luck.
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10-01-2015 15:06 #40
Firstly It's 2 days over 6 weeks. Plus did you actually read my comment?
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