My mum always used to say to me that she didn't like having to punish us and I never really got it until I had kids myself.
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08-01-2015 09:06 #31
08-01-2015 09:13 #32
Ok I need help, advice, anything 🙉 pls help!
Big hugs. That's all I can offer as my DD who is almost 2 is the same and I have a 3 month old as well.
I have trouble curbing my anger - I shout A LOT. I even threw a soft toy at her lap after she did something naughty and she said sorry mummy, then started crying and I burst into tears - I keep replaying the moment in my mind and I feel sick about what I did.
It is very hard to implement naught spot with a newborn too as if you're feeding bub or settling them and the older one is naughty you cant follow through with the discipline so I'm just riding it out and I'm going to focus on my reactions to her behaviour, practice some breathing techniques and mindfulness until I'm at a point where it's easier to follow through with any discipline with DD or I feel a half hearted attempt where I sometimes follow through and other times not won't work and will just be confusing for her. Maybe you could try the same if you feel you're a long way off from timeouts etc.
08-01-2015 10:15 #33
08-01-2015 10:32 #34
We found 3/4 much worse with DS who is also a highly spirited child. We did a mixture of heaps of positive reinforcement with a sticker chart and something he wanted at the end of the week and removing stuff he cares about when that didn't work. What is her currency? work out what it is, give very clear direction and warning that if she continues she loses it... then take it and stick to it.
08-01-2015 10:58 #35
Another parent of a 3 year old here and she's hard work my older child and newborn are easier put together!
Great advice suggested here and I just wanted to add, if you're starting to feel like your blood is boiling, take yourself to the bathroom and let cold water run over your hands. Take deep breaths and calm yourself.
Sometimes a couple of minutes away from the situation gives you a little clarity
08-01-2015 11:19 #36
yep 3 was way harder than 2
It DOES get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Whether its the childs behaviour gets better or just you get better at dealing with it ... it does get better.
I used pretty much a combination of all those things.
- I gave 2 minute warnings. I found she didnt have so many tantrums at things if she knew what to expect. "we are going in 2 minutes" or "in 2 minutes its time to pack up".
- I used parts of the 1-2-3 magic stuff as well. She always got warnings of consequences ... and time to adjust the behaviour.
- but you have to be consistent. If you say something, you must follow through ... every time. if its not ok to throw toys today, its not ok tomorrow or the next day or the day after. You cant let it go today because its too hard
- pick your battles. let the small stuff go, and just concentrate on the big stuff. Its not ok to hit the baby ... but if you want to blow bubbles in your dinner, I will let it go.
- I used sticker charts, rewards and LOTS of posative attention. Any tiny thing she did right I sat down with her at her level and praised her, played with her etc.
- if she didnt pick up her toys, they go in the bin. I only had to throw out 1 toy and she learned that I meant what I said.
- if she had a tantrum over her toys, I took them off her for a week. I put them up where she couldnt reach them, and she got them back on Saturday ...
It takes time, the patience of a saint, lots of wine and a prayer that you will survive the day .....
but you will get there
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08-01-2015 12:10 #37
08-01-2015 12:44 #38
best advice from mismuppet and katiesmum. please make a point of reading these two again. I just want to add, you have to, above all else, be consistant. if something is wrong behaviour, it is wrong behaviour, and it is always wrong. if some actions have certain consequences, then those consequences are always followed through. one simple idea to try, for the really short fuse on your temper, just count to ten, even to five, even start counting to ten, at a yell. ONE! TWO! you will have the childs attention, and feel like a bit of a fool, but it might break the habit. and also remember, each child is different, and the dynamics in a family will change as life moves on. even bad days come to an end. hugs, marie.
08-01-2015 21:33 #39
I implemented a couple of things today. Stayed calm. Lowered my voice. Gave her options. Asked her to please pick her toys up or she would no longer be able to use the iPad. Last night I said in a calm voice. DD I'm going to bed. Your sister is going to bed. I am not going to force you to go to bed but you know that you need to go to bed. Stay up if you wish but we are going so you are free to make your own decision as I am not in the mood for a fight and hoorah!!! She came to bed without a fight and without 3000 excuses. She was such a good kid today because I didn't raise my voice and show anger🙉 I am rewarding her in the morning she wants to go on this ride thing so I told her she will be allowed to go as I am really happy about her behaviour today.
Day one in please lord don't be a fluke 😢 I also used the 1,2,3 and it worked also so we will see how this all goes. A pp said its all about consistency so this is the key for me I think.
The whole time it has been my parenting making her this way if I base everything on today. 😢 maybe I need anger management. But I tell you if she is this well behaved everyday I wouldn't have anger problems so it's sort of a vicious circle.
Thanks to every reply girls I'll be saving this thread let me tell ya ✌️
08-01-2015 22:10 #40
Firstly, never make a threat that you won't follow through on (the other day I was carrying DD because she had tired legs, she kept putting her finger in my mouth, I told her I would bite her, she kept doing it, and next thing you know I have nipped my DD on the finger in the cosmetic section of David Jones ).
Time out: It is a great tool, but you have to do it right and be prepared for it to be hard work. The first few times you do it you might spend over half an hour fighting to make it happen. So if she is 3 she needs to stay there for 3 minutes, and is she leaves you reset the clock, no chatting to her and also no matter what she does while she is there, you don't escalate the punishment (for example my DD will throw things like shoes if they are in easy reach of her spot), and don't chat and engage while she is there beyond telling her when you sit her down what she is there fore. Also, at the end you reiterate why she was there then get an apology, thank her for the apology (I never say "that is ok" because I don't want her to think the behaviour is ok) and then big hugs and best friends again.
You are a good mum. Remember that.
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