I think sometimes using threats or bribes is ok.. We are only human and parenting is hard work!
I've been known to drive past the police station and say he'll go to jail if he's not good with my 3yo when he's going ballistic in the car. Usually works a treat, but now he knows I'm bluffing lol
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07-01-2015 23:19 #11Senior Member
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Ok I need help, advice, anything 🙉 pls help!
Last edited by misho; 07-01-2015 at 23:23.
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07-01-2015 23:20 #12
07-01-2015 23:21 #13
07-01-2015 23:23 #14
I should be sleeping right now but I'm laying here with a pumping headache from thinking. How can I make tomorrow a better day.
A little baby girl can make me think so badly of myself. It's crazy!
07-01-2015 23:24 #15
I just want to give you a big hug right now and tell you that you haven't ruined your child and you are not a bad parent. Gosh I have had those moments too when the kids were that age but it will be okay, truly it will. Everyone (parents and children) have bad days where they don't make the best choices. You love your kids and you're trying and that counts for a lot.
For me, I found different things worked for different children. For one, time out was very effective. We had a bench in the living room and that became the time out bench. Throwing things at someone would result in instant time out - one minute for each year of age. But no leaving the time out bench until they're calm. Sometimes we would sit with them because they seemed to need that and it would be 'time in'.
With the telling her to not do something and she does it more - I'd do the 1,2,3 magic. If she doesn't comply after 3 then time out. With one child that worked like magic, with the other it did nothing. With him I found 'sit to decide' worked really well. Eg - tell him its time to pack up now and he doesn't. Then he can sit on that chair until he decides to go pack up. That worked like a treat. He'd decide to do whatever he was told surprisingly quickly once he realised sitting on the chair was pretty boring.
I so understand feeling like you want to scream, but take a deep breath, hold it for 2 seconds, release slowly and then respond and it'll be easier to say what you have to say calmly (and that makes it so much more effective).
I just want to add that I am in no way the perfect parent. The above things worked for my kids and helped me through some of the tough times but I'm a firm believer in doing what works for you and your family. Good luck.
07-01-2015 23:26 #16
Ok I need help, advice, anything 🙉 pls help!
Me: can you please pick up your mess
Me: you need to pick up your mess before playing with something new
Me: ds if you don't pick up your mess you will get a timeout
Ds: more ignoring
Me: 1, 2, 3 ok timeout
Ds: runs off screaming
Even if he has timeout he finds something to play with and will still not do what I ask, just so frustrating
07-01-2015 23:27 #17
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07-01-2015 23:28 #18
My 3 yo DS drives me up the wall sometimes. I have been trying some of the things like letting him think he's making his own choices by giving him 2 options that ultimately get him to do what I want eg. Do you want to sit on this chair or that chair to eat lunch. He feels like he's making the decision but in reality all I want is for him to eat. Same when he's doing something I don't want him to do. I distract him with a choice of other options of what I'd prefer him to be doing. Another thing is I do the counting and when I get to 3 if he hasn't stopped being naughty or done what was asked he gets naughty chair. It seems to be working most of the time and when it doesn't it's because he's clearly overtired and hot and cranky and I can excuse this because it's how I get too. Hth.
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07-01-2015 23:32 #19
We worked with a psychologist because we too created a monster child.
Here are some things that really worked
When telling them not to do something, you then must tell them what is expected of them and then the consequence
Eg "do not talk to mummy like that, you must use your nice words or you will go to the quiet table" this instruction was given three times before he went to the quiet table
For us the quiet table was the first step before the naughty corner. The table was within sight of everyone so he was not fearful of being alone.
If he continued to throw a tantrum or say naughty stuff whilst at the quiet table. He was told "please stop screaming, you must be quiet at the quiet table or you go to the naughty corner" This was down the hallway where its a darker part of the house and where he wouldnt be able to see me. He only got two warnings before he went there.
He honestly hated it so much that he only ever made it to the naughty corner twice. And eventually the threat of the quiet table was enough to stop him.
There was no discussion afterwards about why he got sent there etc. it was obvious in the clear instruction given all those times. And once it was over there was a clean slate.
We also praised EVERYTHING. "X what a good boy you are sitting and playing with your toys so nicely, great job!" "You're being a lovely brother, im so proud of you" etc they get addicted to praise, he started doing things on his own accord and then saying "look what ive done!" With a huge proud smile on his face"
The reason why we didnt confiscate toys or whatever is because reality for us is we couldnt be consistent with that and would always give in.
We also stopped arguing with him over things or replying to his whinging and nagging. The line and consequence was always the same regardless of the behaviour; except violence. That was instant punishment because we needed that to stop immediately in that moment.
When we go anywhere, shops, park anywhere as soon as we got there i would pick a spot and say "this is your quiet table. If you misbehave today you will need to sit here until you decide to be a good boy" but we've never needed to use it because he knows i mean it.
Anyways ive rambled heaps. Regardless of what you choose to do; you must be consistent every time
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07-01-2015 23:36 #20
I love the quiet table idea and am absolutely going to start using that. That's brilliant.
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