For me, it was seeing the person I fell in the love with and the person I was letting go as two different people.
I kept holding on to the man I first met but had to realise he was not there anymore. Once I accepted this, it was a little bit more easier to let go. Perhaps not 'easier' but was able to loosen my grip a bit better!
Make sure it's all about you. You don't deserve the hurt and you need to move on to bigger and better things that you do deserve. Those things can't happen until you do let go. So be strong, be brave, be selfish! and you will be happy again one day. Love is such a beautiful, nasty, horrible, amazing, wonderful and hurtful thing! I'm not sure how we could ever work it out and not be confused.
Big hugs... handling a broken heart helps us learn how to better protect it next time 😊. Don't put it back on the shelf way up high so nobody else gets the pleasure of holding it! xxx
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30-12-2014 11:32 #11
The Following User Says Thank You to BigweeBigwee For This Useful Post:
30-12-2014 12:18 #12
Its so hard
Something that really helped me immensely to get over my last relationship which was very toxic (and to meet my now DH), was to write lists. I wrote a list for each of the below:
- Everything that my ideal partner MUST be (eg. honest, trustworthy, reliable, etc)
- Everything that they MUST NOT be (eg. liar, lazy, whinger, etc - what are the deal-breaking behaviours that you will not tolerate)
- Everything that I wanted my life with them to be (eg. own a home, go on holidays, quiet time just enjoying each other's company, bbq's with friends/family, etc).
- Everything that I had to be to bring that person into my life and keep them (eg. trustworthy, loving, open, etc).
I then compared those lists to my relationship with the ex and realised that it just didn't even begin to compare! My ex was very few things on the 'must have' list, and he had several of the 'deal breaking' characteristics. Our life together was nothing like what I wanted my life to be, and I was certainly not the person that I wanted to be either - I couldn't trust in him, I had built up emotional walls to protect myself, I was so unhappy.
I read those lists everyday. Sometimes 20 times a day! Every time I found myself missing him, or wondering if I should give it one more go, or feeling tempted to contact him, I read those lists again! It helped so much to keep me on track, to remind me of how unhappy he made me and of all the things that were wrong with our relationship. Gradually I came to really realise how much better off I was without him.
And when I was ready to find someone new, it helped me to make better choices. I was able to read my lists and compare them against potential new partners, and if they showed the deal breaking behaviours I walked away. When I met my now DH, he ticked every box on the 'want' lists and nothing on the 'must not have' list.
Big hugs! Wishing you the best x
The Following User Says Thank You to littlelove For This Useful Post:
30-12-2014 13:32 #13
You've made the first step - admitting it to yourself.
In the very distant past, I had to let someone go, who at the time I was smitten by, but his habits were not healthy to pursue a future with.
I punished myself in different ways for a long time but I now see what I did was for the best for me. He is still the same person he always was. You've got to put yourself first.
Good luck x
The Following User Says Thank You to kriista For This Useful Post:
30-12-2014 14:37 #14
You sound like a lovely person my heart goes out to you ...If I could give you a hug in person I would .
Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
The Following User Says Thank You to RuffledPansy For This Useful Post:
31-12-2014 19:55 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
appreciate the comments
31-12-2014 20:06 #16-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I once read a quote "some people dream of leaving. I left so I could keep dreaming."
01-01-2015 07:12 #17
I'm going threw this with my dh.
It should be easy when they break things but it's not when you still love them.
I find this helps at the moment.
Hugs hun. I'm here if you want misery company.
01-01-2015 07:17 #18Senior Member
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- Aug 2013
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