The thing that screams out at me from your post is that you need that hour a day to be alone and get some exercise! Don't feel guilty, just because you're a mother doesn't mean you don't get to do anything for yourself. Your daughter will benefit long term from having a happier mother anyway, even if she's more clingy in the interim.
I enjoy lots of things about motherhood but still feel jealous of my past self who had all this time and sleep and money to spend on whatever I wanted... We visited some childless friends on the weekend with 15mo DS who was like a whinging tornado through their house (trying to pull wine bottles off racks, attempting to eat cat food), and I could just see how harried and stressed we looked through their eyes...
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29-12-2014 07:38 #11
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29-12-2014 07:57 #12
It would probably be helpful for you to also understand the different stages of child development so you know how long a 'stage' might last. My dd aged 2.5 years is going through the 'i'm independent, i'm not putting on my clothes or pj's blah blah blah'. I just do what I can and if she goes to daycare in her jamas or goes to bed in a nappy and tshirt- so be it. I know this stage won't last- she won't continue with this and turn up to school in her jamas at the age of 8. I would also wonder if you can negotiate with your employer and finish work an hour earlier or drop half a day per week?
29-12-2014 08:10 #13
I can relate to a lot of your post OP. I find everything a battle too. Getting dressed in the mornings and evenings is particularly frustrating.
Is it possible for you to cut down to 3 or 4 days a week at work and have a day to yourself? Even for the short term? I think looking after your mental health is really important even if it means taking a hit financially. Time taken to reboot does make s difference. I took long service leave this year and just took time to do things I enjoyed, yoga, reading etc..
Be kind to yourself, it's a tough gig!
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29-12-2014 09:21 #14
I could have written your post too! Mind you I have a 3 month old DS so I'm at home full time until June, so I'm around DD all.of.the.time.
I'm not enjoying DS either as I've always got DD to make happy.
I don't enjoy most parts of mothering other than when DD is laughing and having fun (seems like that never as she's always unhappy and complaining or crying) or DS is smiling at me.
Like right now DS is asleep and DD and I are just relaxing in front of the TV and she keeps putting her feet all over my leg and it's annoying me. I find it a bit gross to be honest - I just want to tell her to move it away - it's like a stranger is touching me with their feet.
So you aren't alone - being a mum really isn't for everyone but that's so taboo that no one ever tells you about it before having kids. I wish someone had told me! Those babies they give teenagers to get them to rethink their sexual relationships should be given to anyone planning on having a child and they should be made to spend 3 full days with a toddler in their house and then see if they think being a mum is fun....
Big big big hugs! You aren't alone
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29-12-2014 14:06 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I think you might benefit from talking to a professional about how you're feeling, especially if you have thought about leaving.
Is there anything you do enjoy about your daughter? Do you like doing things with her? Maybe it would help to think about all the things you love about her and enjoy doing with her.
The thing about toddlers is that they are actually a lot cleverer than we sometimes think, and I wouldn't be surprised at all if she is acting out more because she is picking up on your negative vibes. If you don't already, maybe you should try to spend some one on one time with her just doing something fun, read her a story or go to a playground, snuggle up and watch a movie etc. Maybe she just needs to reconnect with you a bit, especially if you're out of the house a lot for work. If she feels more secure in her relationship with you she might become less clingy and more content in general.
Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting some 'me time' but if your daughter is making it difficult to get out, maybe you can compromise a bit and find ways to still do the things you enjoy, with your daughter. For example, could you go for a run with her in the stroller?
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29-12-2014 15:51 #16
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29-12-2014 16:55 #17
Hi OP, I just wanted to say I don't enjoy it either. I love my DS, of course, but I don't often stop and think 'wow! I'm really enjoying this being a mum caper!' It feels like work a lot of the time. I don't have that playful streak in me that loves to play games and be silly. I need my space. I need my alone time. I turn into a crazy person without it. I've just spent two weeks straight with DS, and cc doesn't start again until January 6. I'll be pushing him through that door at 7 am and 1 second, let me tell you!
I am absolutely not judging your post at all, and I think it's important you know that there are others that feel the same way.
You finished your post with 'help', so I'd like to suggest:
Go for that run. It's only an hour. She'll cope, or adapt. I don't need to tell you about the positive benefits of exercise.
Pick your battles. The world won't end if she goes out with messy hair or PJs on. She's still at a young enough age where it's cute and not unhinged :-)
And with the other things you can give her the illusion of control, ie bath or shower or wash your feet tonight? This top or this top?
As for the tooth brushing thing, I can't help. It's a nightmare! All I know is that if I clean my teeth at the same time, DS is happy to clean his own except that he does a dodgy job. And there is also an app, I can track down the name if you're interested...
30-12-2014 18:38 #18Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I wanted to thank everyone for the kind support and no judgement after spilling my heart out over something so personal.
I am taking everyones advice and answering to myself the questions you've asked.
One thing I didn't state becaise to me it is obvious: i love my dd more than anything, i feel like i've "deleted" myself to give her my all and as much as i thought it was the right thing to do it isn't. My happiness is important to becoming a good mother so i need to find a way to give myself time out so i can give myself even more to her, does that make sense?
So things will change at home, wether it be working less, running for 30 minutes, delegating household chores or relaxing with morning or night routine... Some things need to change. Thank you for helping me open my eyes
30-12-2014 18:51 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Thank you for being brave enough to share what it looks like quite a few of us feel sometimes/all the time.
When DD and DS turned 2, we were just at our wits end. Unfortunately 3 is proving so much worse! There are days when I do think about our old lifestyle but I would have regretted not having the family we have later in life. I'm holding out for 5 or 6. I've heard it's an easier battle than 3-4 fingers crossed.
I'd back to running if I were you, don't feel guilty. You're still you!
By A-Squared in forum Issues with Family MembersReplies: 17Last Post: 06-11-2014, 16:16
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