Marigold that is horrible! I can only hope that he was having a bad day and the poor little girl isn't subjected to this everyday, although no matter how bad his day was he should never speak to anyone let alone his child like this. I think I would have done the same as you, I will not put my children at risk of being hurt or seeing me get hurt and if this ar5e snapped so easily over a Santa photo I can only imagine how he would react to having a stranger call him out on his behaviour or even how he would punish the daughter for it in private. However I would have stuck around and maybe watched to see him get into his car and get his license plate details and rang child protective services to voice my concern.
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12-12-2014 00:04 #41
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12-12-2014 04:45 #42-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
And yes, I can say with some degree of confidence that I would have done something. There are a million things that people could have done. "Having a bad day there mate?". "Would you like me to grab you a coffee?" "What a beautiful child you have." "Hey that's enough." Just to name a few.
And I am sorry you are in a rough place. I never meant to insinuate that anyone on here, including yourself, didn't care at all about the girl. Because you're having a rough trot I am
Going to ignore the fact you've stooped to personal attacks.
Last edited by VicPark; 12-12-2014 at 06:16.
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12-12-2014 05:16 #43
I don't usually agree with Vic Park but I think it is important that we don't become complacent as a community and that we do talk about it even if it does upset others. Maybe because I have minimal fear as an adult means I would be able to think quickly and respond. I understand the fear feeling keeps us stuck for a few seconds and we find we do nothing. I was walking along a promenade with my ds in a pram when a man started punching his son (aged about 13) repeatedly on the sand. There were probably 15 people watching but no one said or did anything. I asked an older woman to watch my pram and I intervened from a distance. The man did stop punching the boy and walked away. I couldn't stand there doing nothing because the neck sickening punch could have killed the child.
12-12-2014 07:55 #44
So upset right now
Wow, the stories in this thread made me feel horribly sad. I'd like to think that I would say something in those situations but I can't say for sure. I do worry that as a society we do have this "mind your own business" mentality. That being said, it's there because there is a serious concern about personal safety. I truly think the best course of action here would've been to get his car plate number and as much information as you could and report him to DOCS. They have the authority to investigate and actually do something which is more useful than any direct censure from a stranger in the library. It's so hard when you're in that moment to think clearly, then the moment passes and you're left wishing you'd done something differently.
Last edited by Apple iPhart6; 12-12-2014 at 08:12.
12-12-2014 08:06 #45
It's easy for some hubbers to say "I would have said or done x, y, z" because they didn't find themselves suddenly and unexpectedly in this situation with no time to think it through with their own little one to think of. And what did this guy look like? Your average well dressed father or some 6 foot, bulky, tattooed scary looking guy?! I know I'd be less inclined to approach an agro guy who also looks intimidating by his appearance.
It's unfair that the op was faced with this situation and is now made to feel guilty for her actions. Let's slam the guy instead and discuss ways that situations like this can be dealt with, such as getting the car rego and reporting him to the appropriate authorities who are there to deal with people like this.
12-12-2014 08:21 #46
And I'm sorry people are offended that I think the people who saw it happen deserve some sympathy as well. That doesn't take anything away from the poor little girl because she deserves so much more. I just can't imagine seeing that happen so yes I feel sorry for the people and their children who saw it. The fact that people stopped and noticed means that we aren't as complacent as you're saying. I bet pretty much everybody there wanted to do something. Half those people could of reported it to DOCs for all we know which would have to be the safest option for everybody.
Last edited by Purple Lily; 12-12-2014 at 08:40.
12-12-2014 08:24 #47
But I don't think it's mutually exclusive - you can feel sympathy for the girl and compassion for the people that witnessed this at the same time. It doesn't mean we feel less sympathy for the girl.
In my first year out teaching I witnessed one of our 18 year old students bash up a 13 year old. I was on yard duty and I knew it was coming as she was walking menacingly towards the other girl with her fists raised. In that split second I was frozen in fear thinking fifty different things ranging from 'oh shiiit' to seriously considering running in there and putting myself in between the two. In that moment it took me it was too late to do anything. I felt awful for the girl and I felt guilty that I hadn't done anything. It was the first time I'd seen anything like that. No I didn't do anything until after the fact but the other staff didn't berate me and make me feel worse about it, they helped me talk through the incident because I was distraught about it. I know now what I could have done but I didn't know at the time, and it still may have escalated the situation. I just don't know.
I was also once assaulted on a train with a carriage full of passengers and not one person stepped in, spoke up or anything. I imagine they were all thinking 'thank god that's not me'. For the most part it's human nature. But I imagine a few people might have gone home and mentioned it and said that it felt upsetting for them because they needed to talk through their feelings with someone. Which I think was the point of this post.
In my work I've seen parents screaming at their kids, and because of my role as a teacher I've felt comfortable to comment, maybe with a gentle hand on the arm and a 'calm down' or offering help. But I know these parents. I have a relationship with them and I know how to talk to the different parents at their level. But a stranger if I had DS with me? It adds a whole different element.
I'm truly glad there are people in society who would feel as though they have the guts to step in, but can we just accept that we aren't all wired that way?
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12-12-2014 08:28 #48
@VicPark where did I ask for you to show me sympathy?? That wasn't the point of this thread, to gain sympathy. Where did I ask you to feel sorry for me? I witnessed something horrible and came on here to share it. Cos that's what we do here, don't we?
I've been around for a while now and consider this place to be a bit of an outlet for me, as many of us do. I guarantee everyone who saw what I did yesterday went home and told their friends and family, because what we saw was abnormal and really disgusting. I told my mum, my DH and neither of them said "I can't believe none of you said anything!" Cos, well, you just don't kick a person when they're down, right?
12-12-2014 09:03 #49
Marigold- please don't let comments in this thread upset you. You did exactly what any of us would have done and I'm so glad you shared this post- in another thread about Christmas cheer a number of posters brought up how stressful this time of year is for people in relation to domestic violence, suicide, depression and you've witnessed that first hand.
Kindness is in short supply
12-12-2014 09:54 #50
Please refrain from personal attacks. I feel those who read this thread could really learn from the discussion here, and I would hate for it to be deleted because we can't be adults about it.
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