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  1. #11
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    I am very supportive of a womans right to choose and respect anyones choice but I personally couldnt do it. I feel I would always look at other children and imagine what my baby would have looked like, what milestones etc. I have know several friends who had abortions at different times and several friends give birth to unplanned pregnancies (2 of them on their own with no father on the scene)

    The only thing I can tell you is none of the friends who went ahead with the pregnancy regret the choice. A couple regret the abortion...(although 3 of them feel it was the right decision and have no second thoughts regarding it.)

    Personally I think if it were the right choice then your hearts and brains will be 100% but then again I am certainly not in your situation.

    My only advice would be as pp suggested - focus on the reasons you dont want another baby/pregnancy and see if you can sort through them - if you come to a stalemate then I guess that will be your answer.

  2. #12
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Hey OP. I'm close to two people who made very different choices when faced with a similar situation to this. One chose to go ahead and one chose to terminate. Both decisions were made with a great deal of thought and time and both initially found it very hard. But both people are now very comfortable with their decisions that they made at the time.

    In the end, it's up to you and what you feel is best for yourself and your family. Whichever decision you make, as long as you make it for the right reasons you'll be okay. Sending supportive hugs your way.

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  4. #13
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    Were you guys considering a 4th child in the future?

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    I have had a termination due to medical reasons. It took me a long time, but I know now, with absolute certainty that it was the best decision at the time.

    I am a huge believer in bodily autonomy, and will always support a woman's right to choose.

    I have also had an unplanned pregnancy after we had finished having kids, I thought about it for awhile and cried for weeks, I was actually devastated about it. I felt it was such a horrible decision to make. Either way the decision would be hard. I felt I wasn't able to cope with 4 young children, I didn't want 4 kids, I wanted 3, our family was perfect as it was, financially, emotionally etc. I ended up keeping the baby, and I'm glad I did...but and this is a definite but. It isn't for everyone. Not everyone is going to have an unplanned pregnancy. choose to go through with it and be over the moon. We had to move a long distance from where I grew up, away from family and friends, so that I could afford to be a SAHM, with 4 kids 4 and under that is the choice we had to make (we love it now, but it was hard at the time). And I'm not going to lie, it was hard. Really hard, I had 21 month old twins when DS4 was born, and I basically can't remember the first year of his life. Things are much better now that the kids are older (he is 3.5 now)

    Whatever decision you make, you need to make sure it is right for you and your hubby - try not to get pressured by outside opinions. As you no doubt already know, everyone has such strong opinions o this subject and you will here so many "I did (insert action) - and it was the best decision I ever made". But the truth is - that is their life they are talking about, not yours.

    Good luck

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  7. #15
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I won't pretend I have any golden words of wisdom as I do not, but I couldn't read and not reply.
    From my personal point of view all I can say is that I can relate somewhat- having my first baby at 17 (pregnant at 16) was something I'd never imagined I'd be facing. My son is now about to turn 15 and is the reason I breathe. Of course my situation was very different but at the end of the day I was faced with a life changing decision, as you are now, and for me ultimately I knew, in my heart and soul, above all of the shock and doubt, fear and a whole range of emotions- sheer terror, numbness- obviously a tough predicament) that my baby was meant to be here on earth and I would battle and walk through fire, face the stigma and defy the odds and I'm proud that I did.
    However, there is no one size fits all approach, it is a deeply personal and extremely hard decision to make and whatever you decide will be right for you and your family at this point in time.
    I wish you clarity and courage, stay strong and be true to yourself x

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  9. #16
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    I'm sorry you've found yourself in this turmoil. Take some time, think on it, Really give it serious thought. As long as you take your time and don't let anyone sway your decision you will make the right one.
    I think it's pretty amazing to be honest. To fall pregnant with this little bubba so quickly after having tried for so long with your others.
    I also think that you can do it and will do an amazing job if that's what you choose to do

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    Default Wow... Is this one of life's hardest decisions....

    Firstly, thanks for the responses so far. We are struggling, but trying hard to not rush the decision at all.

    I really liked the idea of listing "reasons" why we couldn't have it, then working through to see if we could resolve each issue. It's practical and makes me feel like we are really asking the right things rather than assuming the problems are insurmountable.

    We are both struggling with the idea of terminating (what ifs), and it is difficult finding other people to talk to about it (in real life).

    I can't get the one and only clinic in tas on the phone (voicemail telling me to ring back "tomorrow at 9am" even when I called back this morning at 9.30. I was hoping they might offer some counselling service.. (I'm not sure if this is available, or maybe only for people who are going thru a termination, rather than trying to decide).

    Anyhoo, thanks for taking the time to respond to it, the online world helping me when the real world is unavailable...
    Last edited by Hopingfornumber3; 10-12-2014 at 13:09.

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  12. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Were you guys considering a 4th child in the future?
    And no, we weren't. We were considering a vasectomy, but didn't want to make such a permanent choice so soon after our 3rd being born. My husband is also quite a bit older than me, so time is not on our side also (ie terminate this pregnancy then decide to try again in a few years if we didn't feel "complete" .)

  13. #19
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    Be careful of abortion counsellors. In my experience they are anything but impartial. They make money from your abortion and often give misleading information or are simply there to cut through the red tape so that you can have an abortion for 'mental health reasons'.

  14. #20
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    [QUOTE=KaraB;8028175]Be careful of abortion counsellors. In my experience they are anything but impartial. They make money from your abortion and often give misleading information or are simply there to cut through the red tape so that you can have an abortion for 'mental health reasons'.[/

    This was not my experience.
    Please be careful with generalisations such as "often give misleading information".

    On the flip side, the counsellor I was referred to at uni was a right to lifer who showed me pictures of 6 week old foetuses. Clearly they weren't interested in making money from my abortion had I needed one.

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