Did you feel like this? When did it pass?
I have three beautiful kids and DH and I have recently decided that we're not having any more. We were fairly sure this would be it but until now were going to leave it open for a couple of years in case we changed our minds. Lately we've realised there are so many reasons why stopping at three is the best decision for our family and we're looking into him getting the snip.
This is a good thing. I'm happy about this, I want to grow with them and enjoy them and get a bit more 'me' back eventually....
So why do I feel so devastated at the same time? Is it hormones? Is it just the feeling of leaving part of your life behind? Closing a chapter? Is it biology? Because my births went so badly? I feel like I'm grieving for not getting another positive pregnancy test ever again, or never meeting another newborn, or feeling those first kicks.
And it's totally irrational because I don't want more babies, and I don't want to be pregnant again.... but I'm still feeling really emotional about never going there again.
Did anyone else feel like this? Any tips to get over it? I want to be happy when DH has the snip rather than an emotional crazy pants 😁
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08-12-2014 21:23 #1
When you've decided not to have more kids...
09-12-2014 13:17 #2
I get you. I feel the same. I definitely do not want any more. A boy would have been nice but our dd2 is a big tom boy anyway and 2 girls are just fine. I really don't think I would be able to cope at all with any more anyway. The thought of being pregnant again and having more babies fills me with dread. We had a scare a while ago and that had me in tears.
I have issues with monthly bleeding and I have tried everything non permanent to fix it but nothing has really been able to control it effectively for long. So now I'm thinking it is time for more permanent fixes that will cause permanent infertility. Strangely that is causing me to have odd feelings of wanting to preserve my fertility even though I really don't think I want any more kids.
09-12-2014 13:24 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
Yes I felt like this and we have one 'extra' to what we planned!
It's such an exciting time in your life, and so special. It makes sense that you will grieve (for lack of a better word) that that part of the journey is over. All of the women in my family said they went through the same thing when they were done having kids...none of them regret not having more than what they have.
The next stage is really exciting and fun too. I love it!
09-12-2014 13:30 #4
I have a wish at the back of my mind to have a boy (we have 2 girls) BUT i can't physically handle another pregnancy or the sleepless nights, and neither of us want a return of pnd... So yeah even tho I'd like another, the practicalities outweigh the wish. I think the wish would be stronger if dh wasn't so dead set against having another.
We are fairly sure dh will have the snipand for us is just a matter of when not if. But i think if you're feeling so sad about it maybe it's not time yet? Or maybe some counseling might help you get to the bottom of those feelings. It must be hard feeling so divided
09-12-2014 13:39 #5
I am exactly the same. We are thrilled with our two and I can't imagine us as a family of 5. But the idea of never having another baby again devastates me. I'm absolutely loving having a baby in the house again, but I feel so gutted knowing its for the last time.
I'm not ready for this to be over!
Look up a blog post by Renegade Mothering. She sums it up perfectly.
09-12-2014 14:01 #6
I wish I knew. I still struggle
09-12-2014 14:04 #7
I feel the same. Every day. So much so, that I cannot put that "done" stamp down on paper, even though I know that we should and that I want to be done. It is so right to be done for so many reasons. But I just can't do it.
09-12-2014 14:41 #8
I think it's a biological trick that our bodies play on us to have us continue to procreate. . It's like that hormone we have that helps us to forget about the pain associated with child birth. I have a dd and a ds and are a single mum. I would never have another child as I do not think it's fair on my existing children but it doesn't stop me having emotions surrounding it. It leaves me feeling sad too knowing I will have no more newborns or another belly full of arms and legs. My friend said the feeling dissipated when her first grandchild arrived
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09-12-2014 14:42 #9
I am 99% sure we are done. We have a 3yo DD and 4mo DS. We struggled with fertility issues and had DS through IVF. I struggle during the newborn phase and I don't want to go through IVF again. 2 kids are fairly easy for us to manage and when I go back to work we won't have to budget for another block of mat leave. I am going to get back into my studies and I'm looking forward to moving on to the next stage of our lives. I'm also not getting any younger!
However, I am sad at the thought that I won't have another baby. I have had pretty good pregnancies and DSs birth was amazing. I love the process of growing and birthing a new little person and I love my babies like crazy. I have decided to stop BFing and am struggling to let it go as I know I won't ever do it again. I feel a little twinge of envy when I see a birth or pregnancy announcement.
I think these feelings are pretty normal and I expect they will fade as DS gets older.
We do have one embryo on ice and we'll keep storing it for now. We're not quite ready to make a final decision on it yet (I think because it's from the batch that gave us DS, I can't help think of it as a future baby).
09-12-2014 15:16 #10
I dont want another baby. Ever ever ever.
My last baby just turned 2 and looking back at her newbie photos i get a little sad.
Because that was such an exciting time for us, we had this new person to get to know, we had everyone making a big fuss over her and us, i had so much fun preparing for her etc. the anticipation!
Now its just another child that needs years of intervention and therapy, that struggles with everything..Its just ground hog day from here on out with nothing to look forward to.
So for that experience i grieve occasionally. But what comes after the babymoon phase i never want to experience again. (Sorry if that offends anyone)
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