You're sh*tty about it?
That's a bit much don't you think?
I'd be a bit upset but not sh*tty!
I'd arrange something another day.
A 21yr old doesn't really need a big family Christmas, they'd probably be more interested in having a fun time with a few drinks and chilling out, not tons of little kids and pretending Santa is real IYKWIM?
Just a heads up though, my mil used to get sh*tty at dh for silly things like this even though we always went out of our way to organise an event with them too.
We don't speak to her anymore (husbands choice) because her whiney and entitled attitude, and passive aggressiveness is too much to deal with, and not something we want our children exposed to.
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04-12-2014 10:42 #71
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04-12-2014 10:45 #72
I get the angst. But hounding and brow beating your adult kids to do things your way is just going to drive them away. I have one parent that is over involved and frankly needs to get their own life outside of us. It's put a great strain on our relationship.
Last edited by delirium; 04-12-2014 at 10:47.
04-12-2014 10:45 #73Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
I can see why you're upset but that's just part of kids growing up and creating their own lives. Could you schedule a Christmas eve dinner in with them instead?
04-12-2014 10:59 #74
Yeah I think that's unreasonable.
Maybe because I'm close to your Ds age but I went off and spent every Xmas with my bf and his family and my parents never said anything negative, it may have hurt them a little but they knew I'm an adult and wanted to do my own thing. We now have kids together so we have our own Christmas plans whilst trying to see both my parents and in laws.
I know my MIL does Christmas Eve so I always make sure we attend. Maybe she doesn't realise how important it is to you? Do you see her often? Could you not arrange with them another time to all catch up?
Please don't take this the wrong way but at least in my relationship, my partner is pretty unfazed by it all, if I said I'd like to have Christmas with my parents this year he would, not because I'm controlling him but because it doesn't bother him either way.
Also I agree that 21 is that age where it becomes less about presents and the "magic" of Christmas and more about relaxing with a few drinks with friends/family.
Before I started spending it with my in laws, I spent the day with my girlfriends drinking champagne and opening presents we all got each other! I do miss it!
Last edited by DreamyMummy; 04-12-2014 at 11:02.
04-12-2014 11:06 #75
This is why in our family we make a real effort to include everyone. We do Christmas Eve lunch with my in laws (they're Swedish) and dinner with my parents, then we all go to Christmas Day at my nanas house. No one has to choose and that's great.
I would strongly suggest starting a new tradition. I know you have opinions about what Xmas eve and Boxing Day are for but if you want to see him over Xmas, bend your ideas. Christmas Eve dinner is magical! We do the whole turkey and ham shebang.
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04-12-2014 11:09 #76
Also maybe Christmas is just more important to her than him so he is happy to do what she wants? I love spending Chrissy with my family and I am ten times the Xmas enthusiast of DP so I know if I said we had to choose she would go with what I wanted.
04-12-2014 11:14 #77
I haven't had a chance to talk to him about any of it as yet. He just came out of his room and hit me with it. I said "oh ok, you know GF is welcome to come to our lunch" he said theirs is lunch too and he went back to his room. Then he went out later on and hasn't come home yet. I do tend to agree with @ExcuseMyFrench that I still support him financially and with a roof over his head. If he is so much of an adult why doesn't he get a job to help support himself. I am not going to tell him I'm upset about it though because I do not want to lose him but will take on the advise of trying to find an alternative time with him.
04-12-2014 11:20 #78
I hope you can calm down and accept this. If I'm honest the first year my kids aren't with me for xmas it's going to hurt a lot. But I'm not going to punish them for growing up and falling in love.
04-12-2014 11:41 #79
04-12-2014 11:43 #80
Last edited by WiseOldOwl; 04-12-2014 at 11:50.
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