Hello! Hubby and I are 26/25 and have been holding off kids because we are trying to reduce our debt so I can hopefully (fingers crossed) stay home with them until they need to go to preschool around 4-5yrs old (I am a qualified early childhood educator so aside from socialisation I can provide for their learning). There is also several things he would like to do to our family sized 4wd and we would like fencing at our property. EVERYONE is telling us to just do it because there is no good time. While I feel very strongly about staying home with them, I have also felt a strong pull to have children for several years now. This grows stronger every day! However, Hubby doesnt want to do it until one of our loans is gone. Only around 15k left to go. Have people regretted 'just doing it because theres no right time'? Did you feel that it was more stressful because you were wprried about finances? Or were you totally happy with your decision to wait or not wait? Constructive comments only please : )
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27-11-2014 17:01 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
To wait or not to wait, that is my question.
27-11-2014 17:18 #2
To wait or not to wait, that is my question.
I was the same as you, desperately wanted kids and DH wanted to wait till we had our debts paid off. I was convinced we would have fertility trouble (a nasty side effect of spending all your time on a parenting forum full of women seeking advice due to fertility issues!) and when he begrudgingly agreed to try because I assured him it would take awhile, we got pregnant that month. I miscarried at 9.5 weeks and wanted to try again straight away but DH still wasn't ready (and had only just come around to the idea of having that baby). This triggered the worst period of my life, I resented him for not being willing to try for a baby along with being depressed about my miscarriage but refusing to seek counseling for it. We almost divorced. I ended up getting counseling, we sorted out our marriage, paid off our debts and tried again. I got pregnant 15 months after my miscarriage. Now we have DS and life couldn't be better, he was worth every second of pain and heartache that I went through before having him.
I'm not sure if that actually answers your question but that was my experience.
Last edited by Apple iPhart6; 27-11-2014 at 17:20.
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27-11-2014 18:02 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
Like everyone has said there is never a good time but from my experience it is so much easier on your body been pregnant and having a baby when you are younger. I had my first at 24, second at 29, third at 36 and my forth is due in march an I will be 39. I had so much more staminer when I was younger and could cope with the pregnancy and sleep loss a lot better than I can now.
Financially you adapt, not easy at first but your life changes so much with children that things that used to be important aren't always a priority anymore. In an ideal world you would have no debt but if you decide to have a baby sooner rather than later you will make it work. Good luck.
27-11-2014 18:06 #4
How much are you paying off this loan per week (and no, you don't need to answer that question here)? If the major stumbling block is $15K off a loan - that's $100 per week for three years, give or take. Are you willing to wait three years or change how much you are paying presently (ie cut back other areas)? Does this include the car, fencing etc that you mention or is this on top? Nothing will cause resentment faster than getting that $15K paid off then one of you saying "oh but now we just need the fencing and the 4WD" so it will be longer.
My experience is that the desire to have children will only get stronger not weaker over time. If you calculate the three years, plus 10 months plus time it takes to conceive, this would likely stretch out to a minimum four years so you will be 29 by the time you are holding your baby. Are you happy with this? You won't be old by any stretch, but the daily emotional toll may be too great.
Sometimes doing some hard calculations with numbers can bring up hard questions emotionally. The answer may be yes, and good for you, but look at this as a numbers game (as the questions in your post seem about dollars and months, look at it with a calendar and a spreadsheet). Hope this makes sense without seeming too clinical.
Have you had a financial checkup? Perhaps combining and restructuring could change the situation?
Best of luck.
27-11-2014 18:11 #5
You just never know what your fertility is like till you have a go - maybe you'll be really really lucky and it will be easy and you'll have many years of fertility but all I can say is that the women in the IVF waiting rooms aren't 50year old celebrities, they're all pretty young - late twenties/early thirties.
If I could have started earlier (didn't meet my husband till I was 31) I would have. It would mean a bit more certainty around hopefully having a few kids. As it is we're pretty lucky so far with one.
Honestly the financial and home reno stuff will always be there, but you'd hate to wait and then start trying only to hit miscarriages or infertility.
27-11-2014 18:20 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
We were the same sort of age as you and your DH, only just signed a contract on our land, just got married, all of our savings was to build our house. I too thought it would take 3-6 months due to friends having tried for awhile and reading forums.
First go. Twins.
My DH wasn't thrilled that it happened overnight but now thinks it's the best thing we have ever done plus there is NEVER a 'right' time. Just jump! That's what we thought with #3 bugger it, just do it and figure the rest out later
27-11-2014 19:42 #7
It's such a personal decision. I believe there is no perfect time to have children. DH and I decided to start ttc before buying a house etc and I'm glad we did because it took me years to fall pregnant. That being said I would have been equally happy with our decision if I'd gotten pregnant first try. I figure I'd rather have miss moo and not be as comfortable financially than wait until all our ducks were in a row because you just never know what the future might hold.
I'm not sure I've put that well but it's the best my sleep deprived brain can manage right now.
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