I would only say something if it got to a point where I was worried about his health. But, having once been obese in the past I don't think he's in any hurry to go back to that and he's usually pretty good at recognizing for himself when he's putting on a bit.
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28-11-2014 21:11 #41Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
28-11-2014 21:54 #42
I'm struggling with this at the moment. DH is about 20 kg overweight & if I'm honest I'm not as physically attracted to him. I used to look at him and think "phwoar gotta get me some of that!" He still turns me on in the bedroom but I don't check him out in a crowded room like I used to.
I've gently encouraged him to lay off the beer a bit but he brushed me off. I think he knows he needs to do something but it's not that pressing for him.
I haven't told him how I feel as I don't want to hurt his feelings but maybe it would be the kick up the ar$e he needs to lose the weight?
28-11-2014 23:19 #43
Nope. Never. I love my dh for who he is not what he weighs.
We both know we will support eachother in whatever we choose
29-11-2014 00:01 #44
I have. But my dh is morbidly obese, has type 2 diabetes, early signs of circulation problems etc. It wasn't so much telling him but reminding him that I want to keep him with me.
Op, the example you gave sounds terrible and mean.
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29-11-2014 12:26 #45
With the original scenario posed, I think it sounds like a bit of a control issue given that she's very specific down to the kg and not giving much leeway.
I think in general though, we should be able to talk honestly with our partners about this and sooner, rather than later.
I'm slow to lose the baby weight and DH has expressed his unhappiness both times when I've been overweight 8 or more months post-birth. His approach has been terrible, and I've ripped him a new one for HOW he's gone about discussing it, but I don't hate him for needing to discuss it.
We both value a fit, active lifestyle and want to be good role models for our children. We also both know that we are happier when we are around a certain size. When I've seen DH making poor lifestyle choices that are being reflected in his growing waist size, I've let him know I'm worried that he's not looking after himself because I know how much of a better mental space he is in when he feels fit and healthy.
I don't believe in waiting until your partner is obese and starting to suffer serious health issues. It might sound mean to some, but I will talk to DH when I can see the waistband on his standard size jeans is straining. He's still very much in a healthy weight range, but why leave it until he's got 15kg to lose? I'd rather start the conversation sooner, so we can address the reasons behind his weight gain before it becomes a problem.
I actually like to be a bit skinner than DH likes me (he starts feeding me cake when I get to that weight), but neither of us like to see me overweight. It would be good if he had the tact to appoach it from a "what can we do about this together" perspective, but he's pretty clueless about these things. DH doesn't understand that I need intrinsic motivation because he works quite well with extrinsic motivators. Eg. DH would love Comando screaming at him to go harder, whereas I would tell him to go jump and eat a pie just to spite him!
So I'm still working on getting DH to understand how best to help me get back to my ideal size, and as painful at times it can be to actually talk about it, I know it is something we need to keep talking about so that he can play a truely supportive role in me getting there.
29-11-2014 13:51 #46
I'm a nurse, I see the consequences of poor lifestyle choices on a daily basis. You don't have to be super overweight to get diabetes, cholesterol issues, hypertension, joint issues, heart attack, skin conditions, and the list goes on, being overweight affects every system in your body! Then the host of medications people are put on to minimise the impact of such issues cause their own problems. We see some very "old" 60 year olds, who struggle to mobilise, in constant pain from leg ulcers or their joints or both, can't take themselves to the toilet, are looking at needing permanent care (in an aged care facility). Then we see 90 year olds who live at home independently in a pristine house. I know how I would rather end up. I know how I would rather see my DP and kids end up. "Sitting" truly does outrank smoking as the leading cause of morbidity and mortality in the community today. Also a large proportion of people today do not even know how to recognise an overweight person, or how damaging a little bit of belly pudge can be (particularly in terms of cardiac health). So yes, absolutely would I be speaking with DP if he was letting his health slip. Not only for his sake, but for the sake of role modelling a healthy lifestyle for the kids. No I wouldn't tell him he had to be 'x' kgs, we don't even own a set of scales, but I would suggest he needs to get outside more and clean up his diet.
29-11-2014 14:00 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
Yes I would tell my partner, but I am also lucky that I have never had to. Me, on the other hand... I WISH he would tell me I was fat and behave a little disgusted at my weight, for me that would be a great motivator (although hurtful too)... being pregnant is my "excuse" but I am really worried it will slip into post partum and beyond... He would never say anything - other than he loves me for me....
29-11-2014 14:45 #48-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I don't know to be honest.. My DH is/always has been under weight, I'd like him to put on 10kilos.
If he told me I needed to lose weight he would be sleeping outside.
29-11-2014 14:58 #49
My dh has been with me from 83 kilos to 130 kilos to now 75kilos - and he has never said anything about it.
So i dont think i really could say anything to him, not that i'd prolly ever hafto. He never puts on weight!
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