Good question! DF are pretty open about things like this, so we would probably say something before it got too far. We've had conversations before that we need to kick start our healthy eating as 'we've' put on a bit of weight / have been slack lately. Usually we reach that point at the same time as we eat pretty much the same diet.
I really struggled last year when I was diagnosed with Hashimotos as I was putting weight on despite exercising and eating right. It was the first time I had ever struggled with my weight, but DF was really supportive.
I think it comes down to what you're relationship is like, like a Pp said. This convo could be a huge fight starter in some relationships and others it wouldn't even be an issue. I think the wife who expects her husband to be under a certain weight though it taking it a bit far.
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27-11-2014 09:02 #11
27-11-2014 09:06 #12
lol We tell each other, and call ourselves fatties, because we are! We're not offended, it's just a factual observation. Our self-esteem is not directly linked to our body size (despite society clearly saying it should be), so there's no offence taken by either of us.
And it's a given that we should both lose weight and exercise more to be healthier, not so that we can appear more attractive.
27-11-2014 09:10 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I think it's justify to hope for your partner to be at the weight of when you met and fell in love with them. Maybe a little vain but I think it's ok. Physical (that doesn't look like the right spelling...) attraction is as important as emotional attraction and should be taken into account. So if someone has put on a huge amount of weight, yes I think it's acceptable to ask them to lose it.
That been said, my partner has put on about 30 kilos since being with me (while I have lost about 15) and as much as I joke about our weight being fatties, I don't think he should lose it and would never force him to. He has a gut now which does effect his proforma nice in the bedroom but I'm still happy with his looks.
27-11-2014 10:30 #14
I would never tell DP to lose weight. His weight fluctuates quite a lot though. He eats like a horse but works hard so one day he might have a gut and the next it's gone. He sometimes asks about it and I'm honest without being nasty but would never suggest it otherwise. I also would be very hurt if he told me I need to drop some weight. I know I've got a few extra kgs but it's not out of control. And if he said that to me quite frankly it would probably make matters worse. I would probably eat all the comfort food I could get my hands on in an effort to make myself feel better. I think the only thing that could make me say that to him was a serious health concern.
27-11-2014 10:48 #15
DH and I are quite honest with each other, but are also mindful of feelings. I ask his opinion on clothes to buy or wear. If I put something on and I'm not sure if it's still a bit tight or not - he will make the call if I ask him. He supports me to lose weight but I still let him eat what he wants. Mind you, if he was to eat a whole bunch of lollies or chips every night I would make comment as he has high BP and that isn't good. We are both active people and enjoy our sports.
Is it okay to tell your other half they need to lose weight? Hmmm...depends on your motive and there are special other ways to encourage or support them in their weight loss mission. Are you doing it because you are
a) embarrassed to be with them
b) not attracted to them when they are bigger
c) concerned about their health
d) want to help them feel better about themselves
If it is the latter - because you are concerned about their health and want them to feel better about themselves, then your approach wouldn't be, "Hey, I think you need to lose some weight". Most people would already know where their weight lies and what the situation is. Perhaps the question better asked would be "How are feeling?"
If a partnership is a true partnership then the concerned partner has probably already off-loaded onto the other one about how they feel grosse. In this case, there is an opening for "How or what can I do to support you in your goal to lose weight?" "Do you want to join any support groups, exercise groups or team sports?" A supportive partner would also help cook dinners and make healthy meals as they usually take quite a bit longer to prep.
My DH has a rippa metabolism and realises how unfair it is for me. He'll even try and 'sneak' food whilst he's making a cuppa so I don't have to watch him eat it!
Last edited by Little Ted; 27-11-2014 at 10:51.
27-11-2014 10:56 #16
No way. I could never say something so hurtful. Nor do I think it's your partners role or position to be demanding you do anything.
I would happily support hubby if he decided to get fit. I would encourage and help. But if he decided to throw it all in and eat KFC I wouldn't judge him either. It's his body. I just want him to be happy and enjoy life.
If hubby told me I needed to loose a few and here is the deadline he would be out the door quicker than I could eat another snickers.
No freakin way!
In sayin all that.. Both df and I have always maintained we love each other for who we are not what size is on our clothes. I love DP for who he is and how he makes me feel not what he looks like and if he is buff enough for Xmas. It sounds to me like she is shallow and is more focused on keeping up appearances than maintaining an actual meaningful relationship with her hubby.
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27-11-2014 10:58 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
I would be totally gutted if my husband told me to lose weight or even joked with me about my weight as I am super sensitive about it. I am now 60kg but for the past 7 years I have been around the 100-95kg range. He has never made me feel bad or suggested I lose weight. He did support me in my eleven billion attempts to lose weight though over the seven years and joined in with me. I think one of the reasons I finally cracked it though was because I lost the weight solely for me. I used to think he'd find me more attractive etc etc if I lost weight but I have to come realise he loves me the same, big or little!
27-11-2014 10:58 #18
I would be so hurt if my DH told me to lose weight and set me a goal and I can imagine he would feel the same if things were reversed.
A much better approach would be to adopt a healthy lifestyle yourself and include your partner. Ie healthier dinners, lovely walks together, less junk in the house.
27-11-2014 11:05 #19
Hmmm this is a tough one for me. DH has put on over 30kg in the last couple of years. I am still attracted to him but I do get frustrated, because HE feels so down on himself and wants to lose weight really badly but never does anything about it. He knows what to do to lose it as he's lost weight before but he just doesn't. He'll get all motivated and if will last a day or two if that. I've tried to 'help'at times but it usually backfires. I would never want to hurt his feelings and I do truly love him regardless, but he is not healthy and active anymore and that makes me sad.
I have just had a baby and I am about 15kg over what I want to be as well, but I'm much more motivated to lose it and make better choices than he is. I'm hoping when I start to see results it will motivate him as well.
I would never 'demand' he lose weight. But I must admit I do miss how he used to look and how fit and healthy he was.
27-11-2014 11:05 #20
If my health was at risk, I would be upset but I would know deep down it would have been said for my own well being.
As it is DH is very fit, always going for runs, doing arm weights and sit ups during TV commercials, eats lots of fruit and veg and drinks lots of water.
I on the other hand hate exercise, don't eat enough fruit and veg, don't drink enough water.....
We eat just as much take out and junk food as each other, but I'm unfit, I'm in the healthy weight range but carry all my weight on my stomach even before kids which unknowns very unhealthy. Thing is I notice the difference between us as he has so much energy and I'm always tired.
If I complain about being tired or feeling like rubbish he always suggests I could eat a bit better or do some exercise, but never pushes the issue and never says it out of the blue, only if I'm having a whinge.
I do wish I was into running and a healthy diet, but I'm in all honesty just too lazy and find comfort in food - well I boredom eat. I actually think is be happier if I was into all of those things and I kind of wish DH would push me more.
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