I'm interested on people's views on this subject.
I work with a guy who's wife insists he stays below a certain weight. This guy is quite tall (a little over 6 ft) and he has never actually been 'fat', or even chubby. Wife has recently placed pressure on him to drop down to a certain weight by Christmas. He has over 5kg to lose before Christmas, and he has been really putting in the effort.
This got me thinking - do you feel justified telling your partner to lose weight? And would you feel okay if your partner told you to lose weight?
I can't help but feel it's quite hurtful, especially if the weight the person is carrying is not significant or detrimental to their health.
My DH is certainly cuddlier than when we first met (he was really underweight back then actually), but I think it would be a massive blow to his self esteem if I told him I wanted him to lose weight. I'd also be hurt if the shoe was on the other foot.
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27-11-2014 07:37 #1
Would you tell your partner they need to lose weight?
27-11-2014 07:43 #2
No I wouldn't and I would find it hurtful. I don't see an issue with encouraging a healthier lifestyle but would never demand someone lose weight.
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27-11-2014 07:48 #3
My partner and I have had the discussion of both of us losing weight. He's quite thin (healthy though) but he had put on weight from a job change (went from actual hard work to pushing buttons in a factory) I told him I missed his muscles lol he agreed that he was unhappy with how he was.
He told me that he was feeling a little down with my baby weight gain and DS is now 9 months n I've lost next to nothing.
The conversation was a bit hurtful to both of us but it needed to happen.
I think there is a time and place to have that conversation but it's never an easy one.
27-11-2014 07:52 #4
I wouldn't unless it was for health reasons. My dh made some comments about the junk food I was eating and it was pretty upsetting. I would rather he tell me he would love me no matter my weight.
27-11-2014 07:55 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2014
Yes I would and hubby would tell me too. We are aware that as we age our body changes and that's fine, but we are both fit, active people. That is our lifestyle, it's what we enjoy doing so we have an expectation that we can keep up with each other whilst in good health.
My husband got lazy with exercise due to life demands a couple of years ago and I told him that I don't want to be married to someone who can't keep up with me. He started making time to exercise again.
I realise this sounds way harsh to some, and we don't care what other couples do...but our personalities draw us to activities that involve a certain level of fitness, it's the only thing we have in common, so it's a big thing in our marriage. When I spoke yo hubby he was not offended. It was a wake up call to him that he had stopped making time in his life for the things he enjoys.
27-11-2014 08:01 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Yes. It was a major issue in our marriage my DH being morbidly obese. He refused to talk about it. He had gastric sleeve surgery in February this year. He weighed 190kg when he saw the surgeon in november and then he said he let loose over christmas before he started the 4wk pre op diet. He's lost over 60kg (now weighs aroumd 127kg) & its been the best thing ever.
I weigh about 15kg more now than I did when we got married 10yrs ago but I have pcos so difficult to lose weight. Ive managed to lose the baby weight both times so im back at pre pregnancy weight but im still overweight.
27-11-2014 08:02 #7
No I wouldn't. But then I've always had a weight problem and am very sensitive about weight.
As PP said, we talk about health but not weight specifically.
I respect @Party of Three position on their lifestyle and I think again that conversation is reasonable.
If your lifestyle changes significantly because one of you can no longer keep up then it warrants a conversation because it affects both of you.
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Full House (27-11-2014)
27-11-2014 08:07 #8
I am overweight and really struggle with my weight. Hubby has never told me to lose weight, but I have made him promise to tell me if it ever gets out of control. He said he loves me too much to let me get morbidly obese. So far I have just got extra cuddly. Trying to lose my baby weight at the moment and not having much success even though I am exercising twice a day, every day. DH has always been slim but has put a bit on round the middle in the last few years. I had barely noticed to be honest but he is a bit self conscious so we try to encourage each other.
27-11-2014 08:14 #9
Personally I would lose weight when I felt ready and motivated and if I had dh being supportive that would be great. If he however told me that I should lose weight and made comments on what I should and shouldn't eat then that would just make me more inclined to eat comfort food and feel that he is being superficial. I know when I have put on weight I don't need my partner to point it out. That's my point of view and I am not saying this would apply to other couples and their dynamic.
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27-11-2014 08:58 #10
I would never tell dh he needed to lose weight even though he is quite overweight. In saying that I have expressed to him that I worry about his health and i wish he would make better food choices...
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Mummy Potato (29-11-2014)
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