Might be an idea. Make note who was around when he said things, too, perhaps.
I've already started a sort of diary for the future baby. My mother wrote a diary for me while she was pregnant, and I actually really loved it. She gave it to me when I was 13. I've always wanted to do the same thing.
I'd keep the two completely separate but at least I'm already getting into that habit.
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21-11-2014 14:47 #31
21-11-2014 15:10 #32
Sorry I didn't realise that termination wasn't an option for u. I think u need to keep communicating with him, it is very early days so maybe he needs more time to get used to the idea of having another child. Maybe he's scared because of what happened with his ex not working out. He will be a part of ur life forever now so I would try and keep things civil and like pp said start keeping a diary just incase. GL
21-11-2014 15:14 #33
I'm not offended or anything by someone saying "termination is an option" or "I'd terminate if I was in your shoes".
One of my best friends said she'd terminate if she was me, because of the problems I've been having with the partner, but she's gonna support me in whatever I decide.
And that's okay. I understand her point. I even understand my partner originally saying he'd vote termination because of timing. I just wish when I said it wasn't an option for me, he would have accepted that rather than continuing about it.
21-11-2014 15:26 #34
Do you know why he doesn't want this baby now, besides that he wanted to wait until his other children are older? Is there money concerns or worries that it will put a strain on your relationship? Is he possibly scared? I know you've said that he doesn't want this baby now but if you have bub he will seek part custody if you aren't together anymore - it sounds like he's very confused and surprised by the news but wants to be in his child's life. I'm not trying to justify the comment he made about his ex or your safety concerns but I just though I'd offer a milder point of view about where his head might be at.
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21-11-2014 15:55 #35
He's just kept saying "it's not the right time".
We've been having a not-so-great run recently. Some pretty bad arguments. Things have been okay for the last little while, but to put things in perspective I think this pregnancy might have occurred the day after we had an argument so bad I ended up staying at a friend's place for the night.
I came back, we talked about ending it, decided to just try and make things better, and ended up doing the whole "make up sex" thing.
I'm almost 90% sure, with timing, that conception resulted from that. I'd also find it hilariously ironic.
21-11-2014 16:08 #36
I want to ask how does he treat his other kids and is he a good dad to them? Could he be saying those horrible things to you out of anger and to try and scare you in to having an abortion? I am 100% agree with others that what he said was awful but if he truly is a good father to his other children then perhaps you won't need to disappear even though the relationship may end. Just my point of view though I guess many others won't agree.
21-11-2014 17:05 #37
I suppose so, I mean, the fact he even loves and wants his kids makes him a better dad than mine was, and better than plenty of girls I know.
I don't agree with his parenting style so much, and he knows that, but because they aren't my kids I can't do much about it.
I've told him if we have kids, things would be very different. Especially no hitting. I've never been opposed to parents who give their kid a quick smack as a discipline thing but I've told him I think he does it over things way too trivial, and occasionally too hard.
And I don't want my kids raised by screens. Watching the kids have full blown arguments over the iPad actually breaks my heart. I don't know how active a father he was when they were babies but I have watched him put the kids in front of tv and iPad screens so he can focus on his computer without interruption. He hates when I call him out for it, too.
But he loves them and he's especially great with the 6 year old, who falls on the autism scale.
21-11-2014 17:11 #38
I really want to believe he's just saying things and I don't have to worry.
But after the comments he's made over time about the ex, and the most recent one of "throwing her on her stomach" I am pretty ****ing scared. I honestly believe he's capable and would do that if the mood took him at the right time.
I think he knows as soon as we have any argument that goes too far, I'm gone. No ifs, buts or maybes. As much as I'd like everything to be wonderful and actually have a family, safety has to be the #1 priority right now.
21-11-2014 17:18 #39
If I were in your shoes, and wanted a present father for my child as stated in your OP, I think I'd abort this pregnancy and break the relationship.
You're very young OP and the life in front of you. Don't settle for an abuser.
You and you future kids deserve better.
21-11-2014 17:26 #40
The fact that he made a comment about 'throwing the mother on the stomach', he assumes he has the right to tell you to terminate and you will oblige regardless of your feelings and that he excessively smacks his children rings huge alarm bells. If he is capable of not just thinking of physically harming a women he loved at a time with the specific intention that she would miscarry and to then casually admit this to another partner I would be almost certain he is capable of being very sinister.
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