He sounds like the type of father that would throw his child off the westgate bridge. Tell him your not pregnant, tell him you are leaving. Change your phone number and don't put him on the birth certificate and never see him again.
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21-11-2014 13:47 #21
21-11-2014 13:55 #22
Trying to put myself in your position I would end the relationship and have a termination.
If I was able to move interstate or something and we had no friends or family in common and he could never find out if I had the baby thenI would consider having the baby.
He sounds scary and not someone I would want in my life and certainly not be tied to for the next 18 years.
I'm not telling you what to do, just thinking what I would do.
21-11-2014 14:01 #23
Keep bub and **** him off.
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21-11-2014 14:09 #24
@Edameny89 That's bull**** and irresponsible advice to be giving out. You don't know the whole situation and I don't think you should be going around telling people to have a termination just because you don't want to go through a custody battle. The baby is a child not a burden!!
@Jeshika After speaking to you yesterday I can see how much you want to have this baby! Please don't make any big decisions based on manipulation from your ****head 'partner'.
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21-11-2014 14:13 #25-
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21-11-2014 14:17 #26
If u leave and run far away do u really want to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life? I would make a clean break: have a termination and end the relationship now. He has shown his true colours and u are worth more than that. I would not want any future links, like a child, with this person. Nothing in life is perfect but this is definitely not an ideal situation to raise a child. You can do better
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21-11-2014 14:19 #27
See I didn't read it that way, and it has come from a person who has just gone through similar and is going through a rough time. Ultimately OP will and should make her own decision, but everyone has the right to speak from a personal perspective.
And tbh, yes, I went through with my pregnancy, but I'm also a shell of who I was, and I think it's understandable when people look back and think 'what if?' I know, believe me, that that can be hard to understand from the outside, but it *is* a special kind of pain to be rejected by your spouse/partner and for your unborn child to be rejected by them too. It takes strength and willpower to go through it all without the love and support we all imagine we will have, and I haven't got to the custody part yet.
21-11-2014 14:21 #28
I will not terminate and nothing he can say will change my mind.
I'm already panicking about miscarriage. There is nothing that could make me consider actively terminating this pregnancy, short of life-threatening medical issues.
Even then, my sister was trisomy 12 and doctors told my mother to terminate throughout the entire pregnancy. "The baby won't survive" "she's going to have so many medical issues". She's now 16 and has occasional medical issues, sure, but she's usually happy and healthy. So if anything medical wise came up, he couldn't even convince me that way.
I don't know if I could tell him I did terminate, or miscarried, then run off. It's surely something to think about but I don't know if I'd have it in me. Even if I did, we have so many mutual friends that I don't trust /someone/ wouldn't eventually tell him (or even just let it slip).
Hopefully if everything goes well and he's still not interested in having this kid, I'll be able to convince him to just not have anything to do with it. No child support, no responsibility for the child, I wouldn't even put his name down as father if that's what he'd want.
Right now I'm just being very cautious, and trying not to seem too hopeful or excited around him.
21-11-2014 14:28 #29
Also, when he and I have talked about the custody agreement for his kids, he has frequently complained that he only has his kids half the time.
I have told him to be greatful for what he has, and that I would have rather fought my ex for the rest of my life regarding our child than have miscarried.
The same situation does apply - I would prefer to have a happy, healthy baby and fight with my partner about custody than to lose this child.
The difference being that I do worry about his comments regarding his ex, and about safety. Also, he and his ex wanted and planned both of their children. At the time, there was never any mention of termination and the pregnancies weren't surprises.
He has actively said to me and in front of a small number of others (I'm currently only telling people who I'm close to, and who know about my previous miscarriage) that he didn't want this, it's bad timing, and his vote would be for termination.
If he wanted this baby and things didn't work out between us, I would have far less issue discussing custody agreements.
But as it is, I'm just terrified.
21-11-2014 14:44 #30
If you feel threatened or unsafe start a diary and begin to document things he says about termination, hurting you or hurting the baby. Start writing stuff down that you think may help you down the track. They will definitely come in handy if/when you do have to go through a custody battle.
ETA: If you feel unsafe or he starts to harass you, get the hell out of there and call the police too!
Last edited by tazz475; 21-11-2014 at 14:47.
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