I just need to clear my head. I don't know what to do. I have 3 beautiful kids that i'm so lucky to have but now i can't have more due to serious medical issues. It hurts so much. Hubby refuses to get the snip and only offers to wear condoms but if i get pregnant accidently i will have to abort. I can't have implanted birth control nor hormonal birth control so i'm facing surgical sterilisation. The thought terrifies and upsets me because i'm not done. I don't feel done. I'm in mourning for babies that never existed I can't enjoy my new baby because i'm mourning for a little brother or sister for her even though she has 2 wonderful older siblings.
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20-11-2014 18:19 #1
Medically unable to have more children
20-11-2014 18:34 #2
No advice but massive hugs
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20-11-2014 18:52 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
Sorry to hear your news. Could you consider freezing your eggs and using a surrogate in the future?
Or can you get a second opinion/research non-western therapies (sorry, that's a massive leap, I have no idea what your medical issue is).
20-11-2014 19:27 #4
Hi OP, I could have written this word for word and know your pain.
Also, same issue applies with my DP. Very upsetting.
I would suggest counselling. It myself had pretty much decided that I wasn't going to have more due to financial reasons. Then an incident happened during my c section and I was told I could have no more. It's different when the choice is taken away from you IYKWIM.
I would also seek a second opinion. I did.
20-11-2014 19:55 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
Your post really resonates with me for a lot of reasons and you have loads of sympathy and empathy here.
I have three beautiful kids that I know I was very fortunate to be able to have and I adore them. I also have Polycystic Kidney Disease and have chronic renal failure. I do dialysis and hope that I'll receive a donor kidney one day.
When my third bub was born via c-section at 31+5 I had my tubes tied. DH was very willing to have the snip but I decided to go with having my tubes tied. The risk to myself and any potential baby was just too great to take the chance.
My last child has just turned three and I've just passed on most of his baby things to my beautiful new niece, which I was very happy to do but it has left me with that wistful feeling. If things were different, I might be pregnant right now...but it's not to be and I feel that while the pangs of longing are still there, I'm pretty much at peace with things.
I think the suggestion of counselling is a very wise one because it really can be such a huge thing to process.
Good luck and take care xxxx
20-11-2014 20:03 #6-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I'm sorry you are going through this. Sure you have 3 healthy kids but to have the option for more taken away from you must suck
This may not be a popular view but I would be giving my hubby an earful if he pulled that crap on me. You've birthed 3 kids for him and he is going to make you go through major surgery because he won't/can't cope with minor surgery? Wtf. Rip him a new one.
- I can say this as I am in a similar position in the sense that when my current prescription for the mini pill runs out I won't be renewing it. After 20 years it's hubby's turn. And yes if if comes down to it there will be an ultimatum.
20-11-2014 20:42 #7
20-11-2014 20:48 #8
My medical issue is cholestasis and the ventricular tachycardia. There is a very real risk if i get pregnant again my liver and/or heart could fail Hubby has stated he wants no more and to be fair our finances would be stretched pretty thin with a fourth but the day i was induced with Emilia i was so upset because it was my last day being pregnant. There was so much i could have done during pregnancy but didn't cause all my money was tied up in hospital parking and things. I'm feeling real grief and my hubby thinks i should just get over it
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