I only have 1 baby so can't compare surprise vs knowing but I do not regret having a surprise at all. I was convinced I was having a boy but turns out my instincts were wrong. Our baby was a long awaited ivf baby so we honestly didn't care about gender.
While lots of people prefer to know so they can buy gender specific things, I like that most of our stuff is gender neutral because if we do have a boy down the track, we don't have to go out and buy everything again.
I agree with a pp that the lead up to labour is exciting as you're at the point that you really can't wait to know if it's a boy or girl in there. We were given SO much pink stuff when she was born and I honestly think it would have been too pink crazy if people knew we were having a girl beforehand. I'd go a surprise again if we have another.
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17-11-2014 18:19 #11
17-11-2014 18:29 #12
I found out with my first, I just had to know! I don't think it helped me bond any better than if I didn't know as I was overwhelmed with the prospect of becoming a mum and a bit scared, and still felt that way when she arrived. It took me months to feel bonded with her.
I didn't find out with my second and I relished in the surprise it was lovely. I bonded with DS very well but I think it was because I was no where near as anxious.
i didn't want to find out with this pregnancy but we accidentally did. At first I was really disappointed to find out, but now I'm super excited. I have really enjoyed getting his nursery ready and buying cute little clothes for him and we've named him so I've been talking to him, and I feel very connected to him already.
So in summary, I don't think it matters whether you find out or not, it's more what your heart tells you to do!
17-11-2014 18:30 #13
No 1 we didn't find out. When bub was born it was surreal finding out we had a boy.
No 2 we found out but we got the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper and place it in an envelope. Then dh and I opened it over a romantic dinner out. It was amazing, we were going to have our girl.
No 3 we left it a surprise again and the moment bub was lifted onto my tummy was beautiful. When we saw our little girl I knew our family was complete.
I think *whenever* you find out the se.x of your newest family member is so special. Whether it's in the delivery room, in the sonographers office or over a romantic dinner
Good luck OP
17-11-2014 18:30 #14
Love love love a surprise.
17-11-2014 18:33 #15
To find out gender or have a surprise - advice from mums who have done both
We didnt find out.
To me pregnancy is a period full of dreams, what-ifs and fantasies.
It is very important to me to get to love this baby whichever gender and just take the time to dream about it all :-)
Was it worth it? Yes absolutely. It helped me push that baby out too, and what a reveal!!
Also I wanted for DH to announce the gender, not some random sonographers
17-11-2014 18:38 #16
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17-11-2014 18:51 #17-
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- Apr 2012
I had a surprise with nr 1 and felt I had to have a surprise with nr 2 as well. I felt that if I found out with nr 2 it might have been interpreted as I didn't find the pregnancy as special as my first.
I loved having the surprises though. It kept the pregnancy exciting and full of anticipation. That split second moment in hospital when you find out what sex bub is... Awesome. I don't know about the bonding part as I have nothing to compare it with. When my second was born, another boy, I was stoked, wasn't disappointed in the slightest. Perhaps the surprise helped prevent gender disappointment, I'm not sure.
17-11-2014 19:35 #18
We only have one DD. We didn't find out. I felt like I didn't bond very well with the baby while I was pregnant. I had a traumatic birth and was really worried I wouldn't bond very well once baby was born. It was amazing having the midwife finally lift her onto my chest and letting DH and I find out ourselves, and we have all bonded well since. I'm not sure if finding out would have helped our bond during pregnancy or not, and I'm not sure if we would find out if we ever had another baby. I'm really glad that we didn't find out before the birth, as It was a really special moment after quite a traumatic event, and something I think I'll remember forever.
17-11-2014 19:41 #19
We have one. We didn't find out at all. It was such a special moment having a surprise. Our student midwife told us we had a boy. Such a surreal experience
17-11-2014 20:41 #20
We have one. I didn't want to find out but DH did. We left it until 32 weeks then found out at our 4d scan :-). Everything went wrong from 37 weeks so I'm very glad we knew we were having DD. It gave me a stronger bond and was nice to be able to refer to her as 'her' when we were having all the tests etc and right at the end when it all went pear shaped it was good to not just talk about 'the baby'.
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